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Dating/Attracted to Trans Individuals?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by warrior452, Mar 8, 2017.

  1. warrior452

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    So, I am gay. Lately, I have found myself really attracted to certain trans individuals. I want to value that person just like any other person, and not contribute to the sexualization/stereotpyes of the trans community that so many in the straight community are wont to contribute to. This is just all new territory, and I want to do it right. I'm not actively pursuing an individual for a friendship/dating relationship, but I am definitely attracted to trans people, and I am open to that possibility, and I want to grow into an even stronger ally for the trans community. So to sum up:

    -Any pointers for a gay guy potentially interested in dating a trans man?
    -How can I best make that person feel valued and important?
    -How can I get involved/become a better ally?
     
  2. Yasha of XMETAS

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    It's so great that you are so open and accepting like this! ^^ I would say, if I ever manage to find a guy who I'm interested in, I would say my criteria is pretty much the same as it has been before. It's a long list but here's the stuff that applies to me as trans specifically, maybe it will help you:

    - Encourage emphasise masculine traits. 'Oh you look so cut today, oh I think i see some facial hair growing, looks good' etc. And I guess the obvious for the opposite meaning don't point out the feminine ones lol.
    - Don't discourage them if they are lacking certian male anatomy essential for a physical relationship. (Like for me, mentioning or touching or looking at area down below without something added on is a hell no)

    And I think that's about it. Lol, it varies for person to person of course this is just me and my oppinion. To be a better ally and make them feel valued and important, just treat them with the same kindness and respect you would everyone else, like any other guy, that's what we really want more than anything. :slight_smile:

    Good luck to ya man, thanks for being interested in guys like us :slight_smile:
     
  3. Aberrance

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    I don't think theres anything you necessarily need to do man. You seem like a good ally as it is. You're aware that you shouldn't enforce the stereotypes and by being gay and being into trans guys you're just following your sexuality. The issues would be if you were gay but into trans women. Just be sensitive and communicate. I wish some of the guys that I've been with had asked me what words they should use for anatomy etc., what they should/shouldn't do when in the bedroom, you know where I'm going with this. Also reinforce masculine features, new haircut, new clothes, stuff like that. If anything it's just a normal relationship, get to know what he likes and doesn't like, learn about him as a person. You sound like you'll do great.
     
    #3 Aberrance, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2017
  4. clockworkfox

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    A gay man actually interested in gay transguys? Where have you been hiding?? Are there more of you??

    Honestly, you already seem like you're on track for being a good ally, since you're concerned about being a good ally. If you want to be a better ally, just keep learning and listening.

    I feel like it's really important for most trans people to know that they're not being fetishized for their status...I think you probably already know what I mean by that. I know it's a definite issue with every transwoman I know, since they often get fetishized for it, but transguys generally don't get as much attention over the issue. Every guy is going to have different feelings about their anatomy...I am at peace with my vagina, but other guys might have severe dysphoria about it. Either way, feeling like you're only sexually interesting to someone because of an anatomical mix-up is icky.

    Communication is the key to every relationship. It's no different with trans people. "So, do you have a dick or a pussy?" is a question that you should frankly never ask at all, even jokingly. But if you're entering into a sexual relationship with a trans person, they will probably disclose things to you. Just like if you were dating a cis person, take note of your partners likes and dislikes, their boundaries and their fetishes. If a trans partner has certain terminology they prefer for their anatomy, remember that (for example, no one is allowed to refer to my "breasts", and I don't like my chest area being touched).

    Unlike some guys, I really don't like any of my gendered traits being talked up too much, feminine or masculine. I'm pre-T, so I don't believe a word of it when people tell me I look masculine anyway.

    Just treat a trans partner with the same respect, kindness, and dignity you'd offer anyone else. You'll be fine.
     
  5. Yasha of XMETAS

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    Everything said as above. Just a little more sensitivity when reffering to body parts and you'll be fine! ^^ Really, I wish I could find more guys like you out there, thankyou :slight_smile:
     
  6. Tamatia

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    Just a general shout-out to all you trans folks out there:

    It may be easy to fall into bouts of self-doubt because of this biological mixup, but trans people have one hard-earned advantage, even if they didn't ask for it: they've lived as more than one gender.

    Think about it: you are gender bilingual. :slight_smile: If you find people who are accepting, you may even find them coming to you for advice, due to your unique form of experience (hopefully in a respectful way).

    Warrior452, is that part of the reason you're attracted to them? Just guessing.
     
  7. Irisviel

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    Key to every relationship is to treat the person like an individual. There are no tips that work for everyone besides that one. There is a huge taboo within trans demographic, or rather, fear of chasers - people who want to just "collect" hookups with trans people or whatever the definition is. That means, someone who is attracted to a transgender body has this obstacle to work around. It really just comes down to treating your date like an individual and finding out their zones of comfort. Ultimately, if what you are attracted to is a transgender person for how that makes someone look, and yeah I mean the sex parts largely, you will need to be open about it.

    I'm personally not against the idea that someone could find me attractive for that, just as someone who's, dunno, overweight, might like that someone likes that trait and finds them sexy for how they appear. Communication is key because there are plenty of trans people who hate the idea, just as there are plenty who like or accept it.
     
  8. Rickystarr

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    Main things to know when dating a trans person is to treat them exactly like any other person of the gender they identify as and be respectful of their body and aware of how they feel about it, i.e. knowing the terms they use to refer to certain parts and always being sure of how they are comfortable being touched, especially sexually. I wouldn't call their "parts" anything at all unless they use a word first unless you say something ambiguous like "chest". And sexually, you could always have a conversation before getting sexually involved just asking what they like and what they are comfortable with. This is probably a good conversation to have with any future sexual partner, cis or trans.

    On a slightly different topic, I'm curious how others would feel about dating someone who is specifically attracted to trans people, at least primarily. Is that somehow offensive in and of itself even if they are very respectful and not fetishizing? I can actually see a lot of appeal in dating a girl who identifies as straight (or bi or whatever) but prefers transmen and has been with them in the past. Not that I've ever encountered such a creature. But my fiancee has admitted attraction to other transmen, and I kind of like that.
     
  9. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    I find this point sort of hard to balance. On one hand one has this kind of " What do you want me to do" conversation with everyone -trans or not. On the other hand I'd probably ask them more questions or check more often if they're ok with what's happening than with a cis person because I'd be more nervous about messing things up.

    Personally I'd be unsure where to draw the line between treating them like everyone else and making sure their needs are met. Which sounds stupid because it's basically the same as with other people who might have problems with certain areas....Maybe it's the wish to understand them in order too do right by them...but I'd probably be pretty nervous ...:/
     
  10. Rickystarr

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    That is a good point. I don't want to make broad generalizations, but as a general rule, transpeople are obviously pretty touchy about certain subjects and have significant body issues. But that's not exclusively a trans thing. My fiancee is a cis woman who struggles with body dysmorphia and disordered eating and I have to be careful not to comment too much on what she's eating and encourage her and all that. Just treat a transman as a man (or a transwoman as a woman) with individual issues just like anyone else. You don't have to be constantly walking on eggshells around them (though sometimes it may feel like it, but usually this improves), but just be sensitive to whatever hangups they happen to have. But don't treat them like some delicate creature at the same time, especially transmen lol. Just be thoughtful.
     
    #10 Rickystarr, Mar 13, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2017
  11. Irisviel

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    Personally I find nothing wrong with dating someone who likes trans women (in my case obviously). Even if that was a specific sexual kink of theirs... it needs to be judged in a case by case manner. Depends how the trans person feels, how the cis person treats them etc. along with a huge variety of sexual behaviors to consider. Anything can work if both people are into it, I mean look at the bdsm scene or whatnot for proof that what some people find offensive is attractive to others.