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Dating a trans person

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by flyingsublime8, Oct 4, 2016.

  1. flyingsublime8

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    I feel as if I would be perfectly happy dating/ falling in love with a trans person but I also feel as if the only thing holding me back is a personal bias that it would somehow be harder than dating a cis person. I would really like some positive feedback of how trans relationships may differ from cis relationships and maybe how they have worked out for the better.
     
  2. Rickystarr

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    Location:
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    I can't tell you that dating a trans person isn't going to be harder than dating a cis person. While many transpeople are well adjusted, especially further down the line of their transition, a lot of us have serious insecurities, especially with our bodies. Anxiety and depression is very common as well, not that the general population doesn't have those problems.

    But that shouldn't hold you back from dating a transperson. The most important thing to remember when dating a transperson is to be respectful and informed and aware of our boundaries. Communication is important. That is true for any relationship though. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Rickystarr, Oct 4, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2016
  3. BrookeVL

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    Also sex is probably quite different, at least pre-op. Researching, it seems estrogen makes "it" not work as well anymore, if you catch my drift. Also dysphoria makes certain sex acts off limits to some, even when it does. Namely penetration. MtFs sometimes don't want to penetrate, and FtMs don't want to be penetrated.
     
  4. AmyBee

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    Every relationship has its unique difficulties. Ideally, the partners involved are attuned to the others' needs. A trans person might be depressed or have dysphoria but so might a cisgender person. The specific manifestations would be different and then you just have to listen just as they should listen to your feelings and respect and validate them. One thing that seems to happen in a lot of the narratives of these relationships I've read is there is a lot of excitement or happiness that comes into play as the trans person discovers themselves and begins to be able to express their identity. Being there for that might be really fun at times and offset the crappy times. Just as long as your partner is there for you, too!
     
  5. SystemGlitch

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    Asked my boyfriends for their thoughts on this. I asked them to be completely honest about it so hopefully this'll help with your concerns a bit. I'll call them J and B.

    J said that his family have been a little difficult, they accept me but J has to sometimes correct them on my pronouns and he's had some trouble with his brother (R). R is mildly transphobic and says things such as "you're not REALLY gay because you're dating a transgender boy" which makes J angry. R has also been an issue for me directly, I don't feel the safest around him so when I visit J we take great pains to make sure that it's when R isn't around/his parents are home. So for J, it's mostly just annoying things with family being accidentally rude (the misgendering is honestly not personal) and then the bigger issue of his brother. J's never had any direct issues that happen between us due to me being trans though.

    B mentioned that at first he found it a little hard because I didn't want him to see my body, since I was afraid it'd cause him to start seeing me as a girl. He really wanted to show me that he didn't care about how I looked but he did respect my boundaries (this has since changed and I'm comfortable with him seeing me, but not all trans people will be/become comfortable with you seeing their genitals/chest). Beyond that, B said that it's mostly just providing support for me when I feel down about my identity or doubt myself - but he'd be doing that regardless of if I were trans or not, it just so happens that the most common reason for me being upset is related to being transgender. If I weren't trans, he might be comforting me about a particularly bad day, homework struggles, family issues... so it's more gender-focused, but no more frequent than B expects he'd comfort or support me anyway. He said also said that in the past, he's had two partners, and dating me has by far been the easiest of the three (I don't know if that was just flattery though, heh...). His family don't know about me though simply because he feels awkward talking about his relationships with them. :grin:

    I hope this helps in some way. I thought it'd be more helpful to hear some thoughts from people who are dating a trans person than to hear my thoughts. :lol:
     
    #5 SystemGlitch, Oct 6, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2016
  6. Charlz

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    For me I don't feel like my relationship is really any different than a cis relationship. Everyone has their own issues, and so does my girlfriend, but that doesn't stop me from loving her, wanting to be there and support her when she's down. I love her to death and will do everything I can to support her and help her get through anything.

    I don't see any reason for you to not date a trans person if there's someone you're interested in that is. They may have some issues but in the end all that matters is that you support them and are there for them as has been said above. My girlfriend is the most amazing, special and fantastic person I've ever met and is a bright light in my life. I've never been happier and if there's someone in your life that's trans that you care about then I don't see why that aspect about them should stop you from pursuing a relationship.