I was talking to this guy on a dating app for about a week and we were connecting really well. We were talking about similar hobbies, values (like respect), goals (finding LTR) and flirting. He would always reply right away when I messaged him. Eventually he asked me out on a date and we both agreed to meet for lunch the next day. The day of the date, he disappeared. I messaged him before the date to confirm but he never responded. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go to the restaurant and wait, still no response. After waiting 20 minutes, I concluded he ghosted on me, and drove home, feeling like crap. I never heard from him again. I know the best thing to do is move on but why do I feel so down? Why do people lead others on by flirting, showing interest, making plans, and then suddenly vanish? If I'm not interested in someone, I won't make plans let alone flirt with them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and be optimistic, but feel resentful after when they flake or disappear.
From what I understand it looks like he panicked and does not know how to explain himself. I am sorry though he did that you and there is no real justification for it but I would just wait and see if he communicates with you and if he does definitely call him out on it. Don't do say or do anything else because you don't owe him anything it is on him. Is there anyway you can find out if he got in some kind of trouble or anything?
I called him out today basically saying "I waited for you and I didn't see you or get a response. I respect people's time and would wish the same in return." Of course, still no response. I don't have anyway of finding out if something's wrong with him. I don't think he had an emergency because I've seen him online. I've left the ball in his court. I'm just trying to understand the mentality of why people lead people on as far as making plans and then disappearing.
I encountered my fair share of these kind of guys on the dating apps. Fortunately for me, I think I've developed a sort of 6th sense for them, since I know when the conversation is heading towards a point when they tend to go and ghost themselves lol. In today's 'busy' world, people have their phones on them everywhere. So if a guy isn't bothered in replying after 4 hours, I wait giving them a benefit of a doubt (busy day at work, back-to-back meetings, low battery problems). But if the same guy doesn't reply even after 8 hours, I lose interest. 24 hours later, I block them since they're not worth my time.
It really, really sucks when something like that happens, and it can't help but impact your self-esteem when it occurs. Not to mention... it hurts. A lot. There are an awful lot of people with a ton of shame on the apps. And for many of them, they genuinely think they can meet up with someone, but when the time comes... they are terrified. And so it's less painful for them to ghost than to say "I just can't." Of course, I have no way of knowing that this is the behavior behind all of them, but I've read a few articles here and there about ghosting, and it seems that (or some variation) is pretty much the common thread among most people who admit to ghosting. Sometimes it masquerades as "Oh, I just decided I wasn't into it", but that also is often rooted in fear.
It has happened to me too. This was on a second meet. I had known him three months! Anyway I was a bit pi**ed for a few hrs. I just text him back saying " I thought we had mutural respect for each other. Unless you have a good reason, please don't contact me again". I have learned these apps can be a harsh place, I've had a catfish, though I didn't send him any money. A guy that liked being severely fisted, not good when I had only been out the closet less than a year, and about a dozen time wasters...... Sending hugs to lastking
These apps have their value for sure, but why not try to meet guys face to face? I don't mean bars or clubs. You live in Los Angeles for goodness sake. I used to live in LA. There are plenty of LGBTQ groups there. Get involved in one that matches your interests. That could be bowling, hiking, sports, gaming etc... In the process you can get to know these people. And just as importantly,they can get to know you. Perhaps then you or they could initiate the conversation about going on a date.
