Cutting

It could just be that it was a bad day for you Hun.. ~hugs~ It sounds like it could be just a one off thing from what you have mentioned.. Try not to stress too much about it all.. And just come back here, and talk if you need to.. We are all still here for you.

 

It's nice to hear from you again and I'm pleased you have made some decent friends. I'm also pleased you re-visited this thread to type about what happened. When you have an ongoing 'relationship' with cutting, it's important to keep the lines of communication open as it breaks the silence and pattern of secrecy about what's happening. I can't begin to explain how important that is Ashley.

You were able to identify what happened yesterday, you were able to understand what caused the pressure to build and that's also important and significant. Cutting is such an addictive coping mechanism and once the pattern of cutting to cope is established it's hard to break, but, when have insight into your feelings and the triggers you are on the road to taking back control. So, try not to focus too heavily on the idea that you relapsed, but more on the fact that you are going through a process of change and development in which there will be good days and bad days. The best thing is to focus on what you can do on the bad days before you turn to the blade.

When you are supporting other people it can take a lot out of you and you sometimes need to have another person to offload onto (a kind of de-brief or support for the supporter). When you were supporting your friend with depression yesterday you probably took a bit too much on board. Would it help you to maybe share the load with us to release that pressure valve?

Think about what you can do to keep yourself safe, but don't beat yourself up if you have bad days.

 

If you want to get help for your self harm problem, I know there are sites dedicated to nothing other than that topic.

 

Sometimes it's best to think of cutting (or any form of self harm/injury) like a bad friend that you've had a relationship with. At one time it helped you to 'cope', but then it dragged you down and got you addicted. You eventually kicked it out of your life, but it's still hanging around and wanting to take you back to your old habits.

I'm afraid cutting is addictive and it takes a lot of strength and effort to turn away from it. You have to call on any alternative coping mechanisms that you have learned and dig deep to remember how and why you turned away from it before.

Sometimes, it's not because you want to, but because you can. Knowing that you can, may feed the urge. Does that make sense? Try to recongnise what's happening with the urge.

 

Just try your best and give yourself a treat if you manage to face it down. You deserve it! Just like our sexuality or gender identity, it's a journey (a difficult journey).

Good on you for keeping this thread going. I'm sure it will help other people who are struggling to cope with cutting and self harm.

 

It's a few hours since you posted, so how are you coping with it? Have you managed to resist? How did you get by yesterday?

 

You are doing amazingly well.

 

do you have any support following outpatient care? is there any community or charitable support you can seek in the area you are living?

*hug*

 

The other day you had the urge to cut but you couldn't connect it to anything specific.. it was just there. It was an urge but you managed to push it back. This time is different - you know it's connected to the dysphoria.

When you are struggling with dysphoria and all of the negative feelings about yourself, coping is so very hard and you will turn to whatever helps to mute or silence that inner scream. Just knowing what it's about is half the challenge. The real challenge is not so much the cutting, it's the dysphoria. If you can deal with that and begin to feel good about yourself again the urge to cut and self injure will very likely subside. That's why I hope you can make progress with your psychologist.

Don't over-think this Ashe or see it as failure. You cut for a reason when your coping resources had failed. Take care of any wounds and look after yourself now and let me assure you that you are definitely not a 'monster'.