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Crushing on a friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jj2047, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. jj2047

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    Hey guys this is my first time posting here! Hope you are all doing well.

    As you know from the title, you already know what going to talk about. Okay so, let’s start from the beginning. I have a female friend who we can call by “M”. Me and M have been friends for about 5 years now, and we met in high school. We currently go to the same college, and I’ve been crushing on her for about 3 years now since senior year of high school. We see each other here and there at school and manage to see each other face to face at least once a week and catch up with each other. We would talk about everything and anything, and sometimes we would get lost in the moment and talk for hours. She would always tell me jokes to make me laugh and I really enjoy her company because I’ve never felt so connected and understood with anyone before. I feel like we have a strong connection with each other, and sometimes I wonder if she feels the same way. I’m tired of the ambiguity between us. Whenever we hangout I get the feeling or vibe that she likes me too because sometimes, she tries to hint stuff by indirect ways and she gets touchy feely with me and I feel like she's trying to flirt with me too. I came out to her, along with our group of friends last year, so she knows I’m into girls. After I came out to her, I felt much closer to her and our friendship because I let that part of me known to her, and we gotten closer because of that. I thought that things were going to be different between us or she would try to avoid me, but to my surprise, everything remained the same between us. There are times where I wish we could be more than friends because she makes me feel so happy and less alone. There are at times, where I wish I could just tell her, but then I think of all the things that could happen. I think what I mostly want out of confessing to her is to get to the truth and stop all the “What-if” thoughts and maybe it’ll help me move forward. I think what’s holding me back from confessing to her is the risk losing our friendship or making things awkward between us and having this news reach our mutual friends, which would make it awkward for everyone. I’m tired of keeping this a secret and burying my feelings for her. It’s hard for me to move forward because I’m still stuck with the “What-if” thoughts, and I don’t want to live my life with regrets or missing a special connection even if we don't end being together. I just want to be honest with her and see where our friendship goes from here.

    Anways, thank you for reading my overly long dramatic post! I know it’s hard to judge from my situation; however, any advice given would be helpful and/or let me know if you had a similar experience and how you handled it.
     
  2. Biguy45

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    For what it’s worth. I think you should tell her. She already knows you like girls. That’s half the battle. I’ve had a couple of crushes on guy friends over the years , but I’m in the closet so telling them wouldn’t be an option for me
     
    Limiteded and msm24681 like this.
  3. Silverbird13

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    I completely get your situation, mostly because I am in a very similar boat. Unfortunately, I can't give you guidance, because I have gotten less far than you have!
    In my situation, I haven't asked her out because I am, for lack of a better word, scared. I have never been asked out, I have always done the asking, and in hindsight, I feel like my past partners pity dated me; I am a big purporter of friends first, so they likely became friends expecting nothing more than that, only to have a relationship suddenly be asked of them. Bottom line, my crush is my best friend of many years--a decade, give or take--and that isn't a friendship I can bear to lose.
    Other factors
     
  4. Silverbird13

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    Include (sorry, I posted prematurely) her reluctance to become emotionally dependant in any way, homophobic relatives on her side, and a plethora of similar factors. We have discussed my feelings and have discovered that they are mutual, but there are many factors against us forming a relationship, and it kills me because as much as I want to date her, I'm also too chicken to damn the factors and ask her.
    Sorry for the long post! I would love to hear how your situation turns out! If I were to give you guidance for yours, I would say ask her, because like you said--all the what ifs, the wondering would be gone, but also make it clear that you dont want to pressure her in any way and that it is okay if she doesn't feel the same, to minimize the risk of things becoming awkward in case you catch her off guard. Just don't lead in with 'we have to talk', because that's the 'oh no' inciter, but also maybe say or do something to set the scene for asking such a loaded question. Take her to lunch or dinner, or maybe say something about wanting to ask her something but not wanting it to make her feel uncomfortable or awkward.
    That's my advice, and what I would do if I could bring myself to!! Good luck~
     
  5. Silverbird13

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    Im
    Im sorry, that was a lot of conflict from beginning to end! I just realized a few things while typing out my experience for you, and haven't figured out post editing and deletion on mobile yet!!
     
  6. wrndnwun

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    I feel for you, I fell hard for my best friend of many years and honestly it was one of the hardest experiences I've ever had, but that was more my fault than hers. I did end up telling her I liked her, but I also didn't really give her time to respond or do anything, I just kind of assumed she didn't like me back and that it would never work then I ignored her for a long time, which is definitely what you don't want to do. But from it I learned a lot, and also despite all that for some reason she's still my friend, so I think it's harder than you would think to ruin your friendship over a crush.

    What I would recommend is not making it seems like a life or death situation, like telling her you've been in love with her for forever or anything dramatic like that, you can always just simply tell her that you think you like her and see how she reacts, if someone tells you they like you most people are flattered rather than turned off, and it can even turn into a type of banter between you two if she doesn't end up feeling the same way as you where you can flirt with her openly. And if she does like you back then you definitely won't regret it at all:slight_smile: But it definitely does stop the what if thoughts and help you move on, I was able to get over her after that whole experience and instead of feeling trapped whenever we were together I can talk to her about my dating life and hers, and I'm able to make connections with other girls, I definitely don't regret telling her even though it hurt for awhile after. She's been with you for 5 years, it's going to take more than a crush to ruin a friendship, and whether or not she likes you back it'll help strengthen your friendship. Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. jj2047

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    Hey guys!
    I really appreciate the feedback!
    So here are some updates!
    So, as of now I haven't told her yet. We're on summer break and we don't see each other as much anymore.
    Also, I believe she's in a relationship now.
    So I don't know haha. What should I do?
     
  8. msm24681

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    [QUOTE="Biguy45, post: 6610341, member: 89830"I’ve had a couple of crushes on guy friends over the years , but I’m in the closet so telling them wouldn’t be an option for me[/QUOTE]
    RE FUCKING TWEET