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Crushed

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. Anonymous

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    Hey all,

    Just venting.... I have been a bit down (OK, depressed) for a while and now, with the festive season upon us, it's not getting better. Also what adds fuel to the fire... watching friends getting engaged (two of my oldest friends recently) and then watching others meet new partners... and then there's me... I have tried, believe me but I think I have a problem talking to guys... I never leave the friend zone. Then there's the fact that I have family responsibilities (taking care of elderly parents - mom with health issues, she was in hospital 3 weeks ago, we thought it was a stroke. Thankfully not).

    How do I overcome all this? How do I just be content being alone, accepting what is and moving on?
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

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    I'm in a similar situation. Not counting a recent fling, I've been single for 5 years. The festive season and new years gets to me too. It makes me feel depressed because everyone's partnered up and happy and then there's me. I don't know what to tell you to make it easier, because I'm in a similar situation, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. There are many of us here who feel the same way. And just remember: Even though your friends are happy now (or at least appear to be), there once was a time where they felt the way you do now. It's human nature to want someone to share special moments with. Your turn will come. Just hang in there and try to enjoy the festivities, even though your heart's breaking on the inside. This probably didn't help much, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hugs
     
  3. Anonymous

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    I have had enough. I didn't want this life. I didn't ask for it. I want it OVER. It's not OK I am not OK I am not NORMAL.

    it's the end and I don't care...

    OP
     
  4. Necrose

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    Oh, trust me, I feel the same way, but have been comfortable enough being single and alone. My lack of car situation severely inhibits my ability to meet people around me, but we don't know exactly what tomorrow will bring. Maybe a conversation I have here or on Facebook leads to more conversations, and before long, a friendship has developed, and not long after that, they want to meet, and somehow or another, we fall in love. Hasn't happened yet and there's no guarantee it will ever happen, but the potential for it to happen is there.
     
  5. GlassWalls

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    Things can change drastically in a really short amount of time...don't give up!
     
  6. Anonymous

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    OP here:

    Thanks all for your posts...
    I just don't see the light at the end of this crappy tunnel. Each day that passes is one day less of this life. Time is running out.
    I've tried having normal conversations and I actually can't relate to other gay guys. I don't know the music, club, bar, LGBT parade life. I don't talk boys at all. I am stupid for thinking I could even have friends, no matter their orientation.

    Thanks again.
    OP
     
  7. GlassWalls

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    There are people out there for you! Trust me.
     
  8. Anonymous

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    I wish I knew where. I wish I could believe that :frowning2: I think this is just how I was designed to be... flawed, alone, and like a drone or worker bee... just making sure everyone else is OK till I run out of energy which is coming very soon. I can feel it.
     
  9. GlassWalls

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    Maybe you just need to take some time for yourself to do something fun! I'm sorry you feel that way.
     
  10. Anonymous

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    OP here:

    I was on leave but I did nothing except clean or do chores. I did nothing for myself. I wanted to go walk on the beach, see my now very small group of friends... but nothing. The festive season really showed me who my real friends are. I barely had a word from anyone and I tried to put myself out there and make new gay friends as I have NONE in my city and it all back-fired. I actually accepted that this past Christmas will mostly likely be my last. I have started making plans. I will not go through this life like this. I can't accept being gay. I can't make friends. I can't, can't too many can'ts..... I find that I can't even be out in crowds or shops anymore. I want to cry all the time... for a guy that seems odd but that's how I am feeling. The only thing that I got right was finally having a birthday that no one noticed and I got to not celebrate a useless day :frowning2:
     
  11. Anthemic

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    Have you considered seeing a counselor? I don’t relate much with lesbians, but I still have friends who accept me. May I ask a random question? What’s your MBTI type?
     
  12. Anonymous

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    OP here.

    I tried counselling and found it useless. I was pretending even then that things were better or getting better. I am a guy with female friends (well, for lack of a better word... no gay friends... no interest in living...
    I don't know what MBTI is... sorry :frowning2:
     
  13. Anthemic

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    You can Google MBTI, lol. Never mind.

    Anyway, counseling isn’t useless if you truly try. It seems a bit much to want to die just because you don’t have gay friends. Because according to your responses, not having gay friends seem to be your primary focus.
     
  14. Anonymous

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    Thank you for your wonderful response. Much appreciated.


     
  15. Anonymous

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    OP here: The response was fine and in a way correct. One of my main issues is having no gay friends. Truth. But that's not quite why I feel like I want to leave this earth. Although since work began, I have been less focused on me and more focused on work. New semester and all.