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Crush on co worker

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Biguy45, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. Biguy45

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    with out going I to detail, let me just say that I work in a very masculine, male dominated field. No one where I work knows I’m bi, and I don’t think it would be received very well. My problem is that I’ve developed a crush on a co worker. I’m not particularly physically attracted to him but I’m attracted nonetheless. Whenever I’m near him I have to fight off the urge to kiss him, which would be a disaster. This same thing used to happen to me with an old high school friend and I got past it. Does anyone have any advice, other than to just keep it in my pants, so to speak
     
  2. Destin

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    How did you get past it in high school? You could use the same strategy.

    Maybe you could just stop considering it an option at all and that might decrease the attraction and make it easier to handle. Thinking of it as 'I want to but it would end badly' has different mental effects than 'it's not possible for this to happen'.
     
  3. Biguy45

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    I’m high school I basically ignored it. I was in denial so I probably didn’t accept it for what it is. I know it can’t happen, but the urge is still there. When we talk, he has a tendency to stand very close to me, which makes me nervous. I tend to back away from him. I have control over myself so I won’t do anything but it does drive me nuts
     
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  4. Richard321

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    Don't repress things. Do remember that with many men in your work field a proportion of them will be bi or gay, etc. But to get past this impulse to kiss this guy do something that reminds you in an instant that it's OK to have the impulse but it's not at all OK to act on that impulse. Do something innocuous like click your fingers, bang your fist gently down on the desk, look upwards briefly, or take a deeper breath in than usual - and in the very moment of doing that innocuous action reset yourself and be OK and carry on. I hope this helps.

    Outside of work see how things are with him. You never know.
     
    #4 Richard321, Apr 17, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
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  5. Biguy45

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    I’ll give that a try. I’m sure some of the guys here probably are bi, after all they don’t know about me. We are both married, so I don’t think it’s really an option. He does tend to stand closer to me when we talk than he does to others. I’m probably just imagining it though. My experience with men is so limited that I probably would just misread things
     
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  6. Biguy45

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    Even though I would at first love it if he reciprocated it would ultimately just cause many huge problems. I don’t want to run around behind our wives either. I must admit, I often wonder how many of the people I know are actually gay or bi. I’d probably be surprised
     
  7. Destin

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    It's possible to tell when someone secretly likes someone else by observing small things they can't control. It was taught in my psychology class awhile ago. The standing closer and leaning forward thing is one of them. Pupil dilation when they talk to someone they like but not usually is another one.

    One of the more interesting ones is mirroring. The person stands in the same position as their crush, and whenever the other person moves they replicate it within seconds subconsciously. So for example if you're talking to someone and put your hand in your pocket, then they suddenly do it too for no reason, they might be interested in you. The idea is that they assume the other person likes that position since they're doing it themselves, so they replicate it thinking it will make the other person like how they look more.

    Placing or removing barriers is a sign too. If they always move stuff out of the way that's between you like a cup or whatever it's a sign they like you, but if they put things between you instead it's a sign of not feeling comfortable.
     
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  8. Biguy45

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    That’s interesting. I’ll have to keep my eyes open. Maybe a co worker has a crush on me. I’ve always just assumed that no man ever did
     
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