Creating A Mutual Understanding Within LGBTQ Community (And Outside)

Poster- Make sure to state your intent when posting something

Reader - If not sure of intent or if no intent is given then ask before creating agreement/opposition

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See I think from what you posted it could easily be taken the way you were accused of, but could just easily be resolved by asking "what do you mean by that?"

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Also, perhaps if your intent was to say "I wish people would better understand (these types of things) masculine females/feminine males" then state that as a sort of general understanding as opposed to relationship understanding.

A general understanding has to come first I think before relationship understanding so if someone is given space to understand before considering dating then perhaps it would have created less internal stress between who the person (thinks they) like to date and who they may come to open to be so.

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Also, lgbt is a community albeit by sexuality/gender not geography. However, all communities have internal and external conflicts. These do not always get resolved with a peaceful tone or peacefully. Everyone has their own opinions and everyone would like to be listened to.

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Poster - Perhaps it would be worth asking why those people had interpreted what you said the way they did? Perhaps there was a meaning/consequence in what you had written you hadn't considered.

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"When you shoot that first fire you never know whose going to get hit, no matter how right you feel ... and when the flames have destroyed enough, people will have to do what they had to do from the very beginning - sit down and talk (and listen)" - adlibbed 12th doctor, zygon inversion/invasion

 

You also say "get rid of misunderstandings" and in a community with so many people from so many different (sociolised) backgrounds it will be hard to do so as everyone will have a (slightly) different way to understand a concept/practise.

Now in an individual decoding of an individual's message this can be easily (in theory) done by having a sort of pre-debate conversation to get a bottom-line understanding before proceeding. (I've already given advice of questions that can be asked above).

 

Now I'm not sure what fully you wrote but from this ", I made a post in a group saying that I wish feminine males and masculine females would be more considered as partners....."

If I were to interpret it as you pushing your ideals onto other people's preferences, it would come from you saying "more considered as partners" . For you to say this, with this interpretation, it is as if you are saying more people should consider dating feminine males/masculine women. If this isn't their preferences (esp. If it's not a majority/even preference in society) then the reader may think that for your "wish" to come true "more people" - which may include them - need to change their preferences so that "more people" can consider your "wish" (ideals).

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If you can confirm how you interpret how I've written that it would be good as I know what I am meaning but often times peoplease don't even when I think I've made it clear - and this has been the point of my messages

 

This is so much easier in practise though, some people (many people) just get an internal stress and feel the need to defend themselves (which to the other person may be seen as an attack) so that the person knows how their words have/may affect them.

(Yeah ... I'm one of those people .... I would like to put what I said into practise more)

 

I really don't mean to offend anyone with this (which means I'm probably about to), but...

I don't know if you made that post on EC or not. EC is generally a very good site in terms of tone and support, better than most LGBT forums I've been to (or lesbian forums). But I think you're always going to have problems with forums like this because you have too many groups of people here who really don't understand each other and don't have the same experiences...they're just lumped under the same umbrella just because they're "not straight" and because they're not society's version of a typical man and a typical woman. I think every single time I have been irritated by something I've seen here, it was posted by someone who was not a lesbian (which, honestly, almost everyone on this forum fits that description, i.e. not a lesbian, so I don't know how much this means). If there are exceptions to that, they are very few. That's not to say that if this were a lesbian forum, there wouldn't be issues. But I have definitely seen where there have been times where having all these different identities here has been a challenge and has led to misinformation and misunderstanding. And I definitely acknowledge not understanding and not relating to all of the identities represented here.

I kind of wish this was like some other LGBT forums and had a lesbian section with a bunch of subsections, a gay section with a bunch of subsections, a trans section with a bunch of subsections and so on and so forth. And everyone would be welcome to participate in every section, but it'd be easier to post questions and get what you need from the people you most need it from, i.e. the people who identify with you most and go through what you go through more than anybody else does and understand you best.

I also kind of half-joked the other day on a new user's introduction post that LGBT people are just as insensitive and offensive as everyone else, but I did mean it because it's true. I would honestly say that, both online and off, I've seen more insensitive stuff from LGBT people than most other groups of people. So, although making LGBT communities more respectful and understanding than other ones would be very nice, it's not really human nature--especially not in these times we're currently living in. I do think people need to be more mindful of what they write, but none of us can control what other people post, unless we're admins.

And, while I try to make it clear what I'm saying and what I don't mean every time I write, you cannot always succeed at this. Plus, some people are better written communicators than others, and some people just act like they have reading comprehension issues. There's just only so much you can do. And, personally, when posts/threads are going in a direction I'm not happy with, I walk away from the thread and don't return--even if another user responds to me. I've done that at least three or four times here. I might post one last time trying to be as clear as possible, but then I'm out. I don't want to be rude by ignoring the user's response, but if you're going to get upset or someone else is, or you see you're basically "talking" to a wall, just leave things alone--you've done your part if you've tried to be clear with what you're saying. You might want understanding, but you can't always get it and just have to let go.

 

Without having read what you actually posted, and assuming that you put it in such neutral and inquisitive terms, I don't really see how there would be any objection.

 

Nicely said, as always