I have to see my counselor today. Normally, I'd only see him once per month but my mom booked another appointment because she found out I was self-harming. She doesn't know why. I told her it was because my dog died which is only a partial truth, that pushed me over the edge but it wasn't the main reason behind my cutting. She was actually really mad and was asking me if my friends cut themselves. Some do but I'd deny it all anyway, she'd just tell me to stop seeing them. My counselor knows I'm trans but my mom doesn't. At least now, once he finds out, he'll have to take my dysphoria seriously. It's actually my dad taking me to my appointment today which makes it all 100x worse. I really need to know because I'm so nervous...if my counselor finds out I'm cutting, will he have to out me to my parents? Like, tell them everything we've talked about? And what if I tell him dysphoria's the reason I'm cutting?
It is sometimes necessary for a counsellor to talk to parents and it can even be helpful for that calm and mature conversation to take place, but these decisions are left up to you, wherever possible. Here's the thing though Spot... if you conceal things from your counsellor and refuse to speak with honesty and openness when you meet with him, you will trap yourself in a terrible cycle of despair. If he's any good at his job, he will know that you are not being totally honest and that could be one reason why he doesn't appear to be taking things seriously. If you want to reach a point where he takes you seriously you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and speak about your worries and fears - including the fears about your parents and their possible reaction. Harming yourself will only raise his concerns.
The counselor's mandated reporting covers reporting about the intended act of self harm (or harm to others), and only if there is imminent threat of harm. So there might be a mandates need to te your parents you are cutting, but not why. However, there are some variables if you are a minor, or if you have signed something agreeing otherwise. You should discuss the limits of confidentiality with your therapist, who is ethically obligated to be honest with you, and you should them restate il your understanding back to ensure there isn't any ambiguity. I also completely agree with Patrick about honesty with your therapist. It is an absolute necessity. Without it, your therapist cannot understand you and cannot serve your best interests.
