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Could intense jealousy of the opposite sex suggest I'm trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kelseyk92, Apr 30, 2020.

  1. Kelseyk92

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    Hi there. A bit of a background. I suffer from OCD (diagnosed), came across porn when I was younger which pretty much damaged me. It was very aggressive and violent, also some rape porn. Came out as a lesbian at 15. I don't know how to explain this but I HATE being a woman. I'm quite a tomboy. But being associated with being a girl freaks me out. If someone even says that I look like a female celebrity I instantly feel unattractive because I don't relate to that, even if the female celebrity they say I look like is very attractive. I've heard trans women say they would get upset if someone said that they look like a male celebrity.

    I don't like the "traditional" woman roles. Being submissive and stuff like that. It feels so wrong to me. It's gotten to the extent where I am SO jealous of the opposite gender. When I see a handsome man who all the girls want I get so jealous and angry inside and think of how amazing that would be, I don't know if it's because I want to be a man or I crave a woman's love. It's gotten to the extent where I literally hate myself for being a woman. I overthink every thing. I feel jealous of what men have. I feel jealous that women have to have periods their whole lives and carry children and the child typically, though not always, has the fathers last name. I despise the fact that women are more submissive sexually and are the ones that "take it" (again, typically), I get jealous that a woman will give her body to a man and degrade themselves and even take pain in sex for a man (I know some girls who do anal and degrading oral and stuff even though they don't like it to make their man happy... which for some weird reason makes me jealous?!). I hate how men get to get women pregnant. I have a friend who obsesses over her boyfriend/baby daddy and I think of how amazing that must feel, even though he treats her like crap she loves him because, in her words, that's her babies father She chases him, does anything for him and obsesses over him no matter what he does and I crave a love like that. Maybe I'm sadistic? I don't get pleasure from the thought of being loved as a woman but only by being loved as a MAN. I imagine how good it would feel. In every way. And it kills me that I will never have that?

    So many women will want to get pregnant by a man and carry his name and legacy and always talk about "aw he looks like his dad" and stuff like that... for some strange reason it makes me jealous? The things women do for men makes me think "SHE MUST REALLY LOVE HIM". I don't understand why this bothers me so much? I think because I know I'll never have that. Women are called B*tches, Sl*ts, Ho*s, ect... where as people say about men "You're the man". I will never understand how trans women could give up being a male? The way men love women doesn't appeal to me AT ALL. I feel like a woman gives her all. But I think maybe it's perception? Because I know trans women who say the opposite. But for some reason I have an INTENSE desire to be a man and to be loved like a man?

    It's quite sad really because I'm quite good looking (not being cocky) and I get SO much attention from BEAUTIFUL women that men would dream to be with but because I lack confidence and don't feel like I'm good enough because I don't have a penis I literally turn them away. I think this may have stemmed from where I was in love with a straight girl who would constantly ask me why I like women and kept telling me how amazing penis is...? It made me feel inferior. But for some reason the thought of being a big dominant man with a large penis dominating a girl appeals to me so much and it's making me question myself?

    I genuinely think it may be a power thing?
     
    #1 Kelseyk92, Apr 30, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2020
  2. Kelseyk92

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    It's gotten so bad as to where a girl could be on her knees telling me how much she loves and adores me and I'll turn her away. I've turned down 4 of the most BEAUTIFUL women who were literally throwing themselves at me because I didn't feel good enough? surely this is an indication
     
  3. Kelseyk92

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    Maybe it's a dominance thing? please can you guys help me? I feel so lost and different? :frowning2:
     
  4. Hawk

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    It sounds like you despise a lot of the gender roles and stereotypes put on women and men. Yes, there is such a thing as male privilege and sexism and perhaps that is playing a part in questioning your gender. And you're right that it could definitely be a power or a dominance thing. If you look at it stereotypically, women are typically seen as being submissive, but all it is are stereotypes. Just because you don't conform to stereotypes that society has placed on men and women, doesn't mean you're necessarily transgender. There are plenty of masculine, dominant, and badass ladies if you look for them. Also, perhaps you need to take a break from being around straight man-chasing women.

    When did you realize you hated being seen as female? Is this something that has just come up recently? Has the porn had anything to do with you being uncomfortable being seen as female? @Chip may have more input on the OCD and if that has anything to do with your questioning.

    However, if you don't think this is about misogyny or stereotypes, you could always try experimenting with how you're perceived if you're in a safe place to do so. You could always try experimenting with expression and see if you feel better being perceived as a man.
     
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  5. Chip

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    My knowledge of trans issues is limited, but what's coming across in your posts seems more in the realm of mental health and/or family-of-origin issues than it does gender dysphoria. The discussion of anger and jealousy generally has its roots in family-of-origin stuff, and this is something that you would really benefit from spending some time in therapy to discuss. If it were me, I would not recommend going to a gender therapist, or focusing on the gender issues; I would first talk about the roles and jealousy and anger issues, and (assuming you can find a good therapist; there a lot of really terrible ones out there) explore the origins of those issues. If you can gain understanding of that, I have a feeling it will give a whole lot more clarity to the entire issue and help you unwind whatever is going on with the gender issues. In my experience, going to the root of the issue is usually the quickest way to solve the overall problem.
     
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  6. Kelseyk92

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    But what I don’t understand is why do I feel so much jealousy and envy that men can get a woman pregnant? Is it possibly because the straight girl (and her friends) I talked about would stalk and obsess over their baby fathers and beg for their love and do anything for them? Maybe I just genuinely crave an intense love????

     
  7. Mihael

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    Definitely.

    Maybe that is the root of the problem. Brutal rejections like that hurt an awful lot. Besides, it’s really odd to talk about body parts like that. But hey, I’m a guy, and I might be more aware of coming across as suggesting more than needed sexually.

    I gather it wasn’t a one-time confession that some guy had a good penis and she had good sex with him? It comes across as some power issue she has, does she try to scare people on purpose or prove her superiority this way? If it was a repeated behaviour, it feels like objectification and dehumanisation of the guy to me. He’s a person, c’mon. Does she only see the penis in him? Does she care how the guy feels?

    Geez. So many people come complaining on here that the issue is in them but what they really face is just emotional abuse.
     
  8. Mihael

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    As for being trans, it’s a complex issue. You definitely have grounds for doubt if you’re lesbian or bisexual and not feminine. My advice would be try to follow what gives you comfort and don’t rush the medical steps. At this point the issue is distinguishing the influence of the environment from your own needs. And from my experience, if you do something because someone else said this or that, you’ll feel internal discomfort with it, no matter if you are cis or trans. Try to be genuine to yourself, which is obviously easier said than done. Being trans can also mean a few different things. There are a few separate issues: gender expression, who you feel you are and the body stuff. They don’t have to go hand in hand. Having the wrong gender expression makes you feel a sense of dissonance similar to what trans people go trough, but it doesn’t have to mean you have to identify as a a man or to go through medical transition. Similarly, that you identify a certain way doesn’t mean you have to be super feminine or masculine or go through all the medical things. And to feel better about your body if it was different in terms of sexual characteristics doesn’t mean you have to identify as a man or non-binary or be masculine. So it’s complicated. And my equally unclear advice is to follow your gut feeling.