Hi there, I am 22 years old and in a serious long-term hetero relationship with a guy. In the beginning of this year I finally had the big realisation that I like girls. Not just in a bi-curious way, but in a full-on "I would sleep with / have a relationship with / marry" a woman. I had fancied girls before, but never really thought of myself as anything but hetero so it did kind of come as a shock. After some months of having trouble accepting that I am not straight and a lot of wonderful help and advice from you guys (THANK YOU!) I am out as bi now and feel pretty good. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive, my friends and my mum, too. Woohoo. Still the word "bi" feels kind of wrong to me. Like it doesn't really fit me. Is that stupid? I know labels don't matter and all that, but it feels strange that I have such an aversion to the word. Am I bi and biphobic or something like that? Or could it be, because bi is just not me? Also, I feel like ever since I've accepted that i'm into women, I've only noticed women. And I notice them everywhere and all the time. It's a little much, to be honest, like back when I was a teenager. The thing is, I don't look at guys anymore. Ever. It's been like this for a few months now. I just don't seem to be attracted to guys much anymore. Could I just be repeating the part of puberty that I missed out on back then, where I like girls and can't think of anything else? Or could I be gay? I used to have massive crushes on guys. Lots of them. And I am currently in a relationship with a guy, who I love more than I ever thought you could love someone. He's so great. But we've been together for years and I wouldn't really say there's a lot of butterflies anymore, which is probably normal in any relationship after a while. How am I back to being so confused...? Has anybody else gone through something similar? Thank you in advance, Mia
It could be that since you've only discovered your attraction to girls recently that's what you're currently focusing on. Labels themselves can be difficult and sometimes hard to accept but if your current relationship works on both an interpersonal and sexual level that would suggest to me that you are still attracted to guys and thus not gay.
I'm going through something similar, but the other way around. After I realized that I'm into guys, I haven't noticed women as much. I believe that it is the temporary result of the realization that all of a sudden, there are so many more hot people than there used to be. Best of luck to you!
