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Could I be FtM after all?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by paris, Aug 7, 2016.

  1. paris

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Androgyne
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    Is anyone here questioning later in life?
    The thing is I had dysphoria as a teenager when my body started to mature - I was binding with bandages and absolutely couldn't stand menstruation (don't recollect for how long it did last though), later I had some kind of social phobia at high school.

    Then I was "fine" until I fell in love with a woman for the first time at 35yo which made me to start questioning my gender, mostly because I tend to imagine myself sexually as a heterosexual guy. There are other things too, e.g. I'd rather want a male body, on the other hand it's not that important for me to bind (I would if it was more comfortable).

    I talked to two gender therapists and both of them think I'm FtM. I appreciate their opinion but the thing is that I myself am not sure about it. I'd say I feel kind of male, kind of agender (in the very beginning I used to label as androgyne).
    My current therapist said it's understandable that I feel somewhat neutral (I don't mind pronouns, or which toilet I'm gonna use, etc.) because I "put a lid on my gender identity for so long". Is that possible? I said I didn't fit into the trans narrative much which she explained there's a difference between a teenager and someone in their thirties questioning their gender. Idk, could it be some form of denial?
     
  2. Kal

    Kal
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    I'm 27 and it was a fear based dawning for me. It's taken roughly a year for me to accept it and that's not in its entirety. Here's the thing; for years, I didn't think about not being content with my gender. I didn't question putting on a bra or having a period, it was something I just lived with. Something started to feel wrong about me, I'd drifted away from female clothing completely, stopped wearing anything female (no eyeliner that I wore from time to time because it stopped me looking tired), kept my hair short, took bodybuilding seriously and eventually stopped wearing a bra. It was an evolution for me. But with that came the dysphoria which started with dysmorphia about not being muscular enough. And here I am. I guess it's up to you with what you feel comfortable with! If you don't have a longing to be a man or be regarded as such, transitioning doesn't seem like a hot topic for you. But in reality, you sound almost as if there's no urgency or pain that comes with who you are and is there a need to even label it? Questioning is fine and can lead to realisation. Only you can figure that out, your journey is unique. You may decide that you are content with living as you have, or conversely, you may want to be a man. Therapists are a breed that can help, sure, but to an extent have their own theories to prove and publish so tread carefully.
     
    #2 Kal, Aug 7, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2016
  3. Bastian

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    33 (well, almost 34 here), and I started serious questioning about a year back. Gotta say I have very similar thoughts as you (agender first, more masculine, and I think that especially how do you see yourself while you are intimate with your gf - makes it quite clear, at least for me).
    I´d like to know more about the difference between teen trans and trans in their thirties your doctor told you about - if you don´t mind sharing?