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Coping with A Long Distance Relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Notlad, Jul 31, 2015.

  1. Notlad

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    I've been in a long distance relationship for about 4 or 5 months, and it's been a month since I've last seen him. The whole thing has resulted in me being forced out to my parents, and a lot of emotional distress and depression. The way our schedules have worked out, there's a strong possibility of not be seeing him until June next year. Some days it gets to me more than others, and lately I've had a particularly hard time dealing with it.

    The old adage goes "Long distance relationships never work out." If anyone has experience, what can I do to give us a better shot at defying the odds?
     
  2. Nocturnal

    Nocturnal Guest

    I think it depends on how much you need your significant other to be there with you physically. Both of you can skype, facetime, etc. whenever both of you have free time. Imo, for a long distance relationship to last, it really has to do with the desire to be together, how much you want each other. So, I'll leave it at that. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. tulipinacup

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    I think trust and commitment will play a big role when it comes to any relationship and especially in a long distance. During my 3 year relationship my ex and I would skype or chat everyday as much as possible. We both live from a different continent so it was a lot harder.

    LDR can work but the price is doubling the effort in your relationship. Ive seen a lot of it not workinf but Ive also seen people end up getting married and living together.

    Talk to your bf. Listen well to how his day went because it is not hard when both of you are in a bad state and cant be together physically.
     
  4. Lyana

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    My relationship turned long-distance for the summer, which means it's been one month since I last saw her, too. It sucks and it hurts, so here, have a hug. (*hug*)

    I won't sugarcoat it: not seeing him for almost a whole year when the relationship is still relatively new is going to be difficult. So my first bit of advice to you would be to not go in with your eyes closed. Know it's going to be tough, and discuss this with your boyfriend to make sure you're on the same wavelength about this, and both equally committed to making it work. I'm not saying go in with the expectation that it will fail, but don't be blind.


    Some more stuff:

    - Do things together. Go out of your way to do things together. If you're into online gaming, do that. If not, try Cards Against Humanity online anyway, for laughs.
    Organize Skype or Facebook video chat "dates" -- dinner, just a chat, whatever.
    Pick a movie, launch Skype, and watch that movie at the same time (provided time zones permit it).
    If you have any pictures of you together, make a slideshow/video/scrapbook and send it to your boyfriend, or just send the pictures one at a time on days when it seems they might help.
    Write letters if that's a thing for either of you (it's a big thing in my relationship, and I keep re-reading the last one she sent). You can also send gifts.
    If you have some free time and a desire to record this, you can start a blog with your SO.

    - Communicate. This applies to every relationship, but especially long-distance ones. I don't even mean talk every day, if that's not feasible for you two. But know ahead of time how often you can talk, and do it.
    He's far away. He doesn't know what's going on in your life, he doesn't know how you're feeling, he doesn't know how badly you miss him, he doesn't know what you ate this morning -- so tell him. Be as open as you can.
    This will also help reduce fighting, which can be even more destructive in LDRs because one of you can just go offline, refuse to reply to any messages, and essentially "disappear." Which, of course, breaks the golden rule of communicating.
    Also, trust him.

    - Have a plan. For the next visit, for an eventual closing of the distance... Always have something to look forward to.

    - Have a life. A relationship is only as strong as the two people it unites. You both need to be as happy as possible, leading as healthy and balanced a life as possible, for this to work out. If one of you is constantly depressed or stressed out or relying on the other for support, it will wear the other one out eventually.
    It's natural to miss him, but try to take the time you have apart and do something productive with it. Work out so you look even better the next time you see him. Take up his favorite sport (or video game) so you can impress him with your progress and both have fun the next time you see each other. Watch his favorite movies so you can talk about them.
    And focus on your own personal goals. Do your best in school/uni/at work. Do something you've always wanted to do. Improve your relationships with friends or family. Go out, enjoy yourself.
    And remember that, yes, every day is another day spent without him... but it's still one day closer to the next time you see him.
     
  5. Invidia

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    Awesome advice above! The only thing I have to add is talk dirty. Dirty talk can be really great. Phone sex or just sexting or so.

    hope that helps x ~
     
  6. Filip

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    Listen to Lyana, she knows her stuff! :eusa_clap

    So, I'm not going to reiterate everything she said. I agree with all and disagree with nothing.



    But, to reiterate one point; have a plan for communication. Always have a joint project on your plate.
    I haven't seen my boyfriend since March, and will not see him until after summer. So we have a schedule. Skype at fixed times, at least one longer "date night" a week (both being gamers helps in having things to do), run a joint Minecraft server ("Look at what I built yesterday!").

    Also, we tend to WhatsApp at least once a day to just say "Hey, hoping you're having a good day!", and to send a random pic.

    Reading the same books, watching the same series and discussing that... all can hugely benefit the relationship. You lack physical closeness, so you consciousl keep up the mental closeness.



    That said: be ruthlessly honest.
    I'm an introvert dating an introvert. And occasionally, one of us just wants to spend a night totally undisturbed. It's like that when we're physically together, and it's no different when we're apart.
    Occasionally, I get a message: "sorry, I don't feel like talking. No special reason, just want to go into hermit mode for a night". And, apart from date night, which is sacrosanct, I don't mind. I do the same occasionally. And that's quite allright in my book. As long as you warn in time that things have come up

    Also: the same goes for stuff like crushes and so on. Yes, I'm reliant on technology to talk to my BF. Yes, I also meet other people IRL, some of them attractive. Occasionally, that breeds a mild infatuation.
    So... I tell my boyfriend. If it's not a dirty secret, it's less of a threat. And every time, we talk about it, and we decide to keep the relatonship going. And if either of us would really fall out of love during periods of separation, at least we both know about it.



    Finally: it does help to have some local friends to talk (okay, bitch) to about it. It takes more than two people to have a good relationship. Occasionally, when I'm annoyed with something, I go for a drink with my friends, we all bitch about our relationships, and I end up coming home thinking I don't have a bad deal going after all.