I'm not prone to label myself as anything. I say that I like going with the flow and fall for who I fall for. However, I like to correspond my feelings with labels, so I can pinpoint where I am on the spectrum. I've always said that I'm lesbian when asked about who I like. However, lately, I've been encountering some strange feelings that I feel like will keep confusing me if I don't figure it out, so if anyone can help me I'd feel very grateful . When I had my first relationship with a boy some years ago (before I realized that I prefer girls), I felt like I was choking, making me break up with him immediately. However, soon after, I started missing him. Every time I saw him I felt this weird urge to ask him out again and apologize and hold his hand (probably because it was the first relationship). These feelings didn't last long though. When I'm lost in my head, I often like imagining having a girlfriend when I don't have one and the emotion I get is this comforting, happy feeling that makes me feel complete and instantly smile. This goes for when I see a girl I start to like. When I try imagining myself with a boyfriend, I have this strange emotion when I feel a slight cautious security, along with a weird happiness? Could I have possibly persuaded myself not to like boys, which is why I feel cautious? I never really favoured or imagined being with a man until now, which is why this is so strange. I just want to know if this is normal so I can accept these thoughts as being normal. If I can, I'll finally be able to stop overthinking what these emotions mean.
Maybe you view straight as normal and the idea of being in a relationship accept by society is a nice idea so you dwell on it. Or you could be bisexual. I don't think you persuade yourself to be gay. Loads of gay people have tried to persuade themselves their straight and it didn't work for them.
