I have been unsure on and off about my sexuality for a while on and off like sometimes it bothers me and sometimes i just dont really worry about it but it has been bothering me lately because i keep thinking about it. I often doubt the way i feel and if ive even had a crush or if i even know what attraction feels like so i think mabye im asexual but the idea of that makes me sad. im also not sure because the idea of being in a relationship is both very excititng and terrifying but i dont have loads of experience. I have felt myself drawn to both men and women before. felt butterflies when a guys leg was close to mine or felt a pull towards a guy like i want to be around them all the time and just randomly touch them on the arm or something like i want to be close to them. and when i was drunk i felt myself staring at this girl and thinking about kissing her because she had a very cool look. and before a girl was dancing with me in a club when i was drunk and i liked it and i wanted to get closer and sat on her lap like straddling her and im not sure why when i look back but i just did without thinking. and like i doubt the way i feel because what if when if i pursue someone that sparks my interest thats so exposing and revealing and scary and i dont know what im doing and if i do everything wrong and what if what i think are feelings arent feelings. ive had friends tell me like whats going on with you and so and so like its so obvious i like hem but like i dont even know its mabye because we like play fight sort of. does anyyone have any advice on mabye what my sexuality could be ?
There is an older term that is still used sometimes that has always annoyed me, but I can't deny that when I read stories like yours it always pops into my head. "Bi-curious" The idea that you default to guys because it's expected, but when inhibitions (drinking) are lowered you are attracted to women as well. I don't know how old you are, and I won't ask but age and lack of experience might play a role in you thinking you're asexual. Some of the behaviors and feelings that you described would cause me to think you are not asexual, but I'm no expert on being asexual or what those who are feel or don't feel. I think there are variables though. One question that I had to ask myself and answer honestly when I was in a place like you are now, is whether or not I felt I could have real and true romantic feelings for the same sex as me. If my attraction towards girls was superficial, or something I could act on and be in love with. I don't mean so much in love with a girl, but in love with the idea of being with a girl as much as the thought of a guy would make me feel. Honestly these are questions that had already answered themselves, I just hadn't asked the questions yet. Sexual awakening is another thing that takes different amounts of time for different people. One day the idea of anything beyond kissing is sorta awkward and doesn't do much, and then suddenly the idea of sex starts up a biological response you can't easily control. That can happen very young, but for some people it doesn't happen until they meet the right person, which can happen much later. I'm a person whose biological response (getting aroused physically) is almost always as a result of romantic feelings, not the other way around like many people. So almost always that hot guy or girl isn't going to make me physically aroused unless there is more going on upstairs and in my heart. I hope this doesn't just make you more confused.
Thank you. I am very drawn to media of same-sex female couples like mabye a music video and song about that kind of relationship and all the intimacies of like the more romantic and tender side like its very comforting to think about and like so exciting and beautiful to think about.
amy.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here. I hope that you'll find good things here too! In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
first of all, welcome to EC! it is perfectly understandable to question your sexuality (at any age.) It sounds to me like you are sexually attracted to both men and women (correct me if im wrong) and romantically attracted to men. if this is true, you may want to consider two labels, romantic orientation and sexual orientation, and they might be heteroromantic and bisexual. I hope this might have helped
Welcome to EC, Amy! From your account, I think bisexual fits you. Your attraction to women seems to be as definitive as your attraction to men, but with one hang-up: you seem to be suppressing it. You might not even be doing so consciously, but by your own admission, the idea of being open about it (outside of when you're inebriated) causes you some anxiety--and that can make a big difference in how you handle those feelings, or whether you admit them to yourself or not. I didn't officially come out until I was nearly 32 (4 years ago), but like you, the attractions were there. I had trouble seeing them and whenever I did, I wouldn't permit myself to really acknowledge them--but it was there. Even after I came out, I had to work through the process of how I felt about being intimate with another woman: first by working through some of my discomfort of seeing women together, then when I overcame that, my discomfort of viewing myself in a potential relationship--sexual or otherwise--with one. To put it bluntly, it was a long, difficult process, but it worked itself out in the end. I think, if you allow yourself time to do some soul searching (and do your best to dismiss any shame, disgust, fear, etc. that same-sex attraction might inspire), you will figure out where you stand. Hard as it is, try to be patient with yourself, and forgiving of any steps back you might take while on this journey. Whether you truly are bisexual or not, I hope you're able to work through this and find the support and compassion you need from friends and family along the way.
Hey I’m sorry you are struggling but a lot of us have been there. Have you ever had an elation ship of any sort? It doesn’t matter either way I’m just wondering. I didn’t figure out I was gay until I was in my mid 20’s looking back there were always signs but at the time I didn’t see them and it took me a while to get my head around everything. Take your time and you will figure everything out but feel free to chat to people here, finding a place you can just talk about same sex stuff and orientation freely can really help figure things out and everyone here is super friendly.
