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Confused...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ClutchPopy, Apr 11, 2021.

  1. ClutchPopy

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    I was addicted to cocaine and bath salts for 4 years before I admitted to myself I was a drug addict. The hardest thing I’ve ever said in my life and for 4 years I told myself I wasn’t. That is how I deal with my emotions/feelings xD.

    Fourteen. Fourteen is the age people started asking me if I was gay. I’m 25 now. If I liked men. A lot of people tried hooking me up with them throughout high school and when I was 18 I finally did it. I didn’t go all the way but I made out and did oral. I’ve never seen it as gross I’ve only said that because that’s what every one else said. I didn’t know that’s what they felt...even though I identified as straight I knew I would make out with a guy again. A straight guy who likes to kiss guys I guess? I’m a little scared...and mad...I know I really like girls and I’m dominant with them but I can imagine myself being submissive with a guy and I’m somehow okay with it? Mad because I don’t understand why so opposite. Completely different. I’m not feminine though. It makes me feel like a bitch...I feel relief writing this, more confident. Am I just a perverted straight man or someone with deep seeded issues and that’s where this is coming from? I know that when I think about having a boyfriend and all that. It has a similar feeling when I think about girls...I can think about things...but I don’t feel disgusted or anything. I never have. I don’t know ‍♂️ ...
     
  2. Unorthodog

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    Wether or not you're bisexual (no one can tell you that definitively) I can't tell you what you are, but it seems like perhaps you could be from my perspective...
    It could possibly help to understand that a sexuality that is seemingly "so opposite" doesn't become invalidated because it seems polarized.
    If a man is bisexual and likes men and women, he can be submissive with men and dominant with women, or dominant with both. or both with both, or any mix of these possibilities. No combination creates a situation where your sexuality isn't legitimate due to how you relate to dominance/submissiveness between whatever genders you like. Any combination is valid. You can relate differently to different genders.

    If you like men and like women - these are two different genders, and you're going to relate to them how you relate to them. They are different situations, and you not experiencing a uniformity of dom/sub roles across the different genders you like doesn't indicate anything illegitimate or wrong. A person doesn't have to be fully sub or dom equally in relation to all genders they're attracted to.

    As long as it doesn't really bother you other than being confused about how a person can relate to different genders in terms of sub/dom, (which is and understandable question to have) then everything seems normal and ok. It makes sense to question complicated situations, but what really matters is how you feel about it.
    You appear to be ok with it other than confusion about complicated situations, which would only make sense.

    Just one person's opinion - everything seems fine, as long as you are comfortable with things and it feels natural to you, there's no real reason to assume falsehood or illegitimacy without any other indicators such as no feeling in control or comfortable with what is happening.
    As long as your decisions are your decisions, it's fine. It's normal for people to relate to different genders differently.
     
  3. ClutchPopy

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    At the same time it’s scaring me and making me mad.
     
  4. Unorthodog

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    As long as your feelings are your feelings, they could most likely be legitimate - only you can know if you are really attracted to women and men.
    You may just want to try and work out wether your negative feelings come from not knowing what your orientation really is meaning you could be wrong about it -
    or if you know you're attracted to women and men legitimately, and just haven't fully accepted yourself for it yet.
    It certainly seems that your past indicates legitimate bisexuality, as long as you were the one getting yourself into these situations, because you wanted to.
    Societal views can have this effect on people, and it's completely normal.

    If you know you're attracted to women and men, then the most healthy thing would be to work on accepting yourself for who you are. Otherwise you'll push it deeper and it'll come back up later.
    Try to ask yourself if your negative feelings come from not knowing if your attractions are legit, or if you know they're legit then it's more likely stress put on you from society's heteronormative views.
    If you are sure of your attractions, perhaps look for support for self acceptance in terms of bisexuality.

    Were you avoiding using the word bisexual in your previous questioning because you have a negative view of that word and don't want to be associated with it?
    Or, are you still questioning your attractions?
    It is likely one of these two issues, but of course I can't tell you that for sure.
     
  5. ClutchPopy

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    Well, since I’m here in this community I’ll just that yes I am attracted to men. Like, just like it was hard for me to admit I was an addict it’s hard to admit that...but I pick at straws xD. I may even lean towards the gay side because I find some straight things actually quite disgusting/moderately gross. I feel scared because well, I’m sub. It makes me feel vulnerable and vulnerable makes me scared. One of the only things I’m scared of...ok well thanks for talking to me. Some random ass dude. It helped a lot...
     
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  6. Unorthodog

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    Hey no problem! Good for you for trying to sort it all out.
    Don't stress yourself out by feeling like you have to know right now. You're allowed to give it time.
    But there's nothing wrong with just plainly accepting who you are.

    Good luck!
     
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