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Confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Confused25, Jun 14, 2020.

  1. Confused25

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    Ah good aul life. Isnt it a shit. So confusing stronger arousal to men when thinking about it but also a block thinking its so weird and then not sure if i want it but ive tried accepting it as much as i can. While all the time loving having sex with the gf and enjoying every minute of the relationship intimacy between the two of us. except when im in my head about my sexuality What do i do
     
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  2. quebec

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    Confused25.....Something that helped me a lot was finding a therapist to talk to. Knowing that my "secret" was safe with him as he legally couldn't tell anybody what we talked about without my permission helped a lot also. It's important that you check their webpage/published info and see if they list being LGBTQ accepting. The guy I found was not only LGBTQ accepting, he was gay himself. That made such a difference as he had gone through the same things that I was dealing with. Think about it....that two things that saved me from myself was Empty Closets and my therapist!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. Snowqueen

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    Sounds like me, for years, try not to stress about it too much. Are you same sex feelings just in your mind or do you get turned on physically, as in when you see a hot guy or view erotica?
     
  4. Confused25

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    Its a strange one snowqueen. I have no urge or desire for men in real life but ever since this has arrived in my head it wont go away.
     
  5. Confused25

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    Im not sure what to do. Any advice? Am i just gay
     
  6. Snowqueen

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    Sounds like you may be bi, have you viewed any gay porn? If you have did it turn you on? are your dreams mostly about men? It a decision that only you can make really. It's tough I know, but it will get easier.
     
  7. Confused25

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    I have watched gay porn. Not that bothered with it however if i watch it for long enough i could get aroused. No my dreams arent mostly about men.
     
  8. Snowqueen

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    Sounds like ocp from what you have said, people generally don't just turn gay, most know at an early age, or finally accept it later in life, like me.
     
  9. Confused25

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    I dont think so snowqueen, looking at chips comments on threads before about not having an awareness that your gay and once you connect to your same sex attraction this is the more dominant attraction that has just being annoying me since. My brother in law i always get these weird feelings around him but dont want to do anything around him nor do i find him attractive. I think it is arousal as i get panicky and kind of warm up but then i am calm after a while. Im not sure . So confusing.
     
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  10. Snowqueen

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    Ultimately, it's only something you can figure out. X
     
  11. Confused25

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    I know its all well and good people saying its this and its that. Should i just calm down and enjoy relationship with the gf
     
  12. Snowqueen

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    If that's what makes you happy, sure.
     
  13. Confused25

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    I want to be happy but this just wont go away.
     
  14. Snowqueen

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    Sadly the only person that can decide what is best for you is you. Can you be more precise about the thoughts and feelings you have? I know I had similar feelings for years, lots of girlfriends, and tried to ignore my same sex feelings.
     
  15. Confused25

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    Well this all arose literally from one moment threee years ago i remember the date, it was after my second date with my current girlfriend, and had a thought i think im gay. Sadly this has just not gone away. Im so depressed.like i enjoy having sex with gf then i try and remember how good it was and just try and hold that thought. Feel like im lying about my sexuality and then i get a thought that i will desire men in the future. And that i will be happy with a guy in the future but yet cant really imagine it. I dont know if what i am feeling is attraction to the same sex. Like this extreme heat comes on me and my neck gets really warm and i look at the guy and almost force myself to have a sexual thought. I dont want to do anything with the guy. I need help. Anybody?
     
  16. Tim9788

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    Hi Confused25,

    I am definately no expert on this as I am still struggling with my own issues but I suggest you have a look at OCD and see if that answers some questions. I give you this advice with extreme caution because you CANNOT under any circumstances try to beat it yourself and must go get professional help NOW because no matter how much you question yourself and reassure yourself, things will only get worse if it is in fact OCD. As much as I wish I could tell you there is no way I can know from what you have told us whether or not you have same sex attractions but either way it is causing you anxiety so please seek professional help just in case you are about to go down a rabbit hole of obsessions that is extremely difficult to get out of. If you truly love your girlfriend and are satisfied then you owe it to yourself and her to get through this as best you can.

    Just to reiterate, if you do find some similarities between what people with OCD experience and what you are experiencing, there is no way out but through. You can't fight it with questions or reassurance so don't even try because ironically that makes its much much worse in the long run. Only way to win is with help that uses CBT and ERP therapy. If you find yourself doing things to 'check' your sexuality or 'prove' it in a repetitive manner to help your anxiety you need to break the cycle quickly. Even researching posts about OCD as a reassurance or to help with anxiety is dangerous as no amount of reassurance is enough. So please do not get trapped and go and find help if you see any similarities between yourself and others with OCD. If you are just genuinely questioning and enjoy the thoughts about men then that is perfectly fine and talking it through with a therapist will almost certainly help.
     
    #16 Tim9788, Jun 26, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2020
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  17. bigeagle

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    If it won’t go away and it’s bothering you mentally then I think it needs further exploration. From my experience, these thoughts / feelings do not arise from nowhere , deep down inside us are our truths - which can be confusing, painful and difficult to understand. Hope this helps x