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Confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dodds, Mar 2, 2018.

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  1. Dodds

    Dodds
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    It starts wit 1 thought then gets bigger and bigger. I feel guilty for feeling this way when I have a loving husband I feel like a faliure as a person.
     
    #141 Dodds, Apr 18, 2018
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  2. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Hey don't be so tough on yourself, you can't help how you feel. What you feel is real regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels, making yourself feel bad about it I say only going to make the situation worse.

    That first thought, is it always the first one that starts it off? What is it normally, or is it always different?
     
    #142 silverhalo, Apr 18, 2018
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Take a look at this resource for some alternatives to cutting: http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf

    You are based in the UK, so the contact numbers are also relevant to you.

    You are not a failure as a person, but you are failing to come to terms with your feelings and how they relate to your situation. Yes, it's very hard, but it will be so much harder if you turn all of those feelings against yourself.
     
    #143 PatrickUK, Apr 19, 2018
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  4. Dodds

    Dodds
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    It's diff each time It can be a comment from a friend or husband and i will over think it and then it sprials out of control
     
    #144 Dodds, Apr 19, 2018
  5. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Thank you
     
    #145 Dodds, Apr 19, 2018
  6. Dodds

    Dodds
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    So it's my 12 year wedding anniversary tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it. Will he wamt sex :frowning2: do i have sex if so
     
    #146 Dodds, Apr 19, 2018
  7. silverhalo

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    Ok so what might be helpful is to try and find a way to stop the pattern once it starts, how quickly do you notice you are thinking something over and over?
     
    #147 silverhalo, Apr 19, 2018
  8. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    You don't have to do anything you don't want to, anniversary or not.
     
    #148 silverhalo, Apr 19, 2018
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  9. Humbly Me

    Humbly Me
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    He may want to see a cognitive behavioral therapy specialist to assist with examining his thought cycle and how to end it.
     
    #149 Humbly Me, Apr 19, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
  10. Humbly Me

    Humbly Me
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    Not looking forward to a special date with someone is a very large indicator that you should not be with that person.
    Also, you do not have to do anything you don't want to do.
     
    #150 Humbly Me, Apr 19, 2018
  11. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I just worry he might expect it
     
    #151 Dodds, Apr 19, 2018
  12. silverhalo

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    Well he might but you can say no
     
    #152 silverhalo, Apr 19, 2018
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  13. Dodds

    Dodds
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    So update on anniversary I got pissed and fell asleep so he had no chance of getting anything. Do i fell bad? Yes I do as i a wife I should be willing to satisfy my husband but I find every thing I can to not do it. I normally go months then i tell can tell when hes had enough so i give in and have sex . I camt remember the last time its ever done anything for me if u know what I mean
     
    #153 Dodds, Apr 22, 2018
  14. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Hi guys back again. I often get thoughts of being a faliure not being good enough to be a mother not good enough as a person.i managed to avoid having sex on my anniversary and my feelings for this lady are still there I crave her attention i know nothing can happen so just got to be happy wit her friendship and learn to live my life wit my husband and kids
     
    #154 Dodds, Apr 25, 2018
  15. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    It might not feel like it now, but those aren't the only two options. I used to see this process as a choice between Option A and Option B, but it's not really that black and white. You can't really know what the outcome will look like. Think about what would make you happy, not necessarily this woman in particular, and start thinking about moving towards that.

    Can you really stay with your husband indefinitely? Is this going make you happy? I get the impression that you're measuring yourself against impossible standards; being the perfect wife and mother. In reality, nobody is these things. Is keeping up the pretence of a happy family life really worth feeling this miserable for? You only get one life. You don't have settle and put up with your current situation. Think about what you want. It might not easy to get there, but it might also be totally worth it.
     
    #155 LostInDaydreams, Apr 25, 2018
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  16. Peterpangirl

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    I can so relate to these feelings. You just want to spend time with her alone, right? You want to see her smile, hear her voice and at night you dream of her kiss, even if you try not to. That does not make you a failure in your marriage, nor a bad mother - it just makes you human. It just means you have fallen head over heels in love with this woman. You didn't choose your feelings and you didn't choose your sexuality. But you are not a bad person - from the way you speak about her you have very loving feelings and desires for her. That doesn't make you a bad mother in any way.
     
    #156 Peterpangirl, Apr 25, 2018
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  17. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    How did he react /act? Did he expect anything or not bother ?
     
    #157 CuriousG74, Apr 27, 2018
  18. sontfles

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    Therapy is a great tool for help.
     
    #158 sontfles, Apr 27, 2018
  19. Dodds

    Dodds
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    He must have wanted it cos he tried it on but I said I needed to sleep. I know people must think I being mean staying wit him and not doing what a man and wife should do
     
    #159 Dodds, Apr 28, 2018
  20. CuriousG74

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    Oh dear, might be worth dropping hints to get him to start looking elsewhere :flushed:
     
    #160 CuriousG74, Apr 28, 2018
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