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Confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dodds, Mar 2, 2018.

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  1. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    Without sounding judgemental, it sounds like you want the security but not put any work in. I'd think your husband would be more upset the longer you left it and lived a lie for so long, sorry but that's my opinion.
     
    #81 CuriousG74, Apr 1, 2018
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Only you can know how realistic that plan is. I considered it, but the thought was unbearable. All those years gone. I'm frustrated it's already April and nothing has changed for me yet this year. Life is too short, but it's your life and your decision. Remember it's also your husband and children's lives too though. Would you all be happier in the long-term if you did separate?
     
    #82 LostInDaydreams, Apr 1, 2018
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  3. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Security can be very appealing. It's wise to think practically, particularly if you children to provide for, but you have to remember that your husband wouldn't just disappear, he'd still have parental responsibility.

    I agree with this - there's part of me that wishes I'd mentioned something to my partner at the start of my journey, when I was just questioning. To explain that I've been hiding it for years will be hard and won't reflect well on me. Due to my declining interest in sex, it'll probably be obvious that I've known for a while. I don't think I'll be able to hide it. It'll probably fill in a few blanks for my partner. For me, it's become normal now. I can relate to your feelings of guilt, but I'm coming up to two years on EC without my partner knowing anything, which is terrible really. Two years when we could have been doing something else, finding our own versions of happiness.
     
    #83 LostInDaydreams, Apr 1, 2018
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  4. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I have asked him in the past for a break form each other but he won't he's worried I would get used to not having him and not take him back . He refers to out wedding vows together till death do us part.
     
    #84 Dodds, Apr 1, 2018
  5. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    That's no reason to stay together. He essentially said he's more concerned for himself than you. He'd rather keep you, with you being unhappy, than lose you. He's not thinking about you when he's saying this. You're not responsible for his happiness. He's a grown man.

    It's not his decision to make either. He can't force you to stay because it suits him.
     
    #85 LostInDaydreams, Apr 1, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
  6. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I'm not been funny but u dont know all the details and how much work I do put in
     
    #86 Dodds, Apr 1, 2018
  7. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    Oops, didn't mean to sound like I was having a go at you, I had a feeling the wording was wrong, sorry if I upset you
     
    #87 CuriousG74, Apr 1, 2018
  8. Dodds

    Dodds
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    No worries just dont wamt people to think I'm using my husband
     
    #88 Dodds, Apr 2, 2018
  9. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Just wondering if any1 suffers from self harm I cut as a way to cope not just wit my feelings for a woman but just everything else .How do u cope
     
    #89 Dodds, Apr 4, 2018
  10. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I've got no experience in this area, but I think you said you have a therapist - Is this something your therapist is supporting you with?
     
    #90 LostInDaydreams, Apr 4, 2018
  11. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Yes I've talked to her bout it she's given me doff methods to deal instead of cutting but they don't work . I do it for so many doff reasons its hard to stop
     
    #91 Dodds, Apr 4, 2018
  12. silverhalo

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    There is no denying it's hard to stop, are you still working on it with your therapist?
     
    #92 silverhalo, Apr 4, 2018
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  13. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Yes still working with her got 2 app left wit her then done. Not sure what will happen after thst
     
    #93 Dodds, Apr 5, 2018
  14. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Do you feel as though it is improving at all?
     
    #94 silverhalo, Apr 5, 2018
  15. Dodds

    Dodds
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    A little bit yes
     
    #95 Dodds, Apr 6, 2018
  16. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Well that is good, I mean even if it slow going, feeling as though you are heading in the right direction is a great start.
     
    #96 silverhalo, Apr 7, 2018
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  17. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I only have 2 app left wit her . It's Sumthing om going to have try and sort myslef . O told her o was gay a few weeks ago but also said im not ready to cum out and distory my family. I jist got to learn to be happy wit my life for now
     
    #97 Dodds, Apr 7, 2018
  18. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Is organising further appointments possible or does she feel that you'll be able to manage without her support? How are you feeling about it?

    What did she say when you told her that you're gay? Is she an LGBT therapist?
     
    #98 LostInDaydreams, Apr 7, 2018
  19. Dodds

    Dodds
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    U are only ment to have 12 app and I'm all ready over thst which is why it's coming to am end. She was really good she said welcome to the club lol. I was referred to her by oc health who i was referred to by work
     
    #99 Dodds, Apr 8, 2018
  20. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Could you ask her to recommend other forms of support? A group or something?

    Glad she was supportive when you came out to her. :slight_smile: Do you feel better for telling her?
     
    #100 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2018
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