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Confused and Depressed

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Neemz, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. Neemz

    Regular Member

    Nov 13, 2018
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    Out to everyone
    Hi? I'm not good at this but idk I just felt like I needed to put it out there. I am confused, and depressed, reasons why? It's pretty stupid if you ask me. Well what I'm about to tell you has took place within 2 years. 2 years of happiness, confusion, depression, and heartbreak.
    I'll try make it quick as I hate to be the one that writes a whole book of nothing.
    2 years ago, on this exact date was the day I've trained the new guy that has just started working at my job, boy was he cute, and turned out to have such an amazing personality as well. As life continued, Him and I were appointed as partners as company promoters during the Spring/Summer season and became really good friends, we hung out nearly everyday socially as we sort of clicked. I thought he was straight this whole time as he seemed to get with alot of women within our company and out at the clubs, turns out he was closeted gay the entire time. How do I know? He came out to me one night as we bar hopped and he got abit too drunk, telling me he was afraid of rejection of his adoptive family as that was his only family hes known, and thats where he decided to take me to a gay nightclub where we danced and hugged me, I remember thinking life was going to get better from that day forward because hes asked me to be his boyfriend. Me being me, I've told him that he was too drunk and that he wouldn't even remember this night, and so i've told him to ask me again when hes sober and hes said he will because hes fallen for me.. hes had a crush on me since the day ive trained him. After that night he kinda pushed me away as he would bail out on our plans and make excuses.. a month goes by and he finally admits to me that hes gay (while hes sober), and deeply closeted, and also has told me he likes me alot and so we dated secretly for 5 months, where he told me he felt ready to come out if I was ready to come out to my parents too... so I felt ready and came out. Reaction wasnt too great but its fine... told him about it and thats where he tells me that he cant do it. He couldn't bring up the courage to come out so then he broke up with me telling me we need some time apart and that he'll come back to me when he feels ready, and I believed him.

    Fastforward a year later, hes now in a relationship with a girl within our company, Engaged. I can feel him get uncomfortable whenever I see them together as I knew what he was. As of today, he has been secretly texting me for the past 3 weeks telling me he misses me and that hes sorry but he had to try to be straight. Which got me confused as lastnight hes came by my place just to tell me he loves me but he thinks he should be with this girl.

    Idk its all confusing and given me a headache. I feel like ive been played and now im just depressed and heartbroken.

    Sorry for the long post. I know it may just be me ranting on about stuff I cant control but I felt the need to finally put it out there. Thanks for reading if you had.
  2. lovetoomuch

    Full Member

    Jun 11, 2014
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    To me, it does not sound nothing. If I was in your shoes, I would be an emotional mess honestly. The guy basically had you fall in love with him and then he then "took it back" (after getting you to come out of the closet).

    You may not like my answer, but if I was your friend and you told me this story, I would say you have to cut all communication off with him. While he may be hurting (because he is gay and pretending to love a woman), he is dragging you into all of this and honestly, you're going to get hurt in the end.

    You obviously cannot tell his soon-to-be wife because people probably wouldn't believe you (even though you have texts), you would be labeled a home-wrecker, and you are going to involve yourself in the situation even more. I don't think you want to be the person to do that and it is not your responsibility! It is his job to get over his internalized homophobia and tell this woman the truth.

    You have done nothing wrong, but you are kind of just hurting yourself at this rate. Letting him tell you all this stuff is just going to make you feel worse because you are going to think about what you two could be, but actually are not.

    I imagine you haven't also really been able to move on from him because he still has you wrapped up in this situation. People always say dating someone in the closet is very hard - and this is just one of those many reasons.

    Think about the fact that you could have loved someone else by now. But instead, you are thinking about a guy who realistically (right now) you can never be with. I know it's easy to imagine you two eventually ending up together and living happily ever after, but that does not appear to be the case anytime soon. How long are you willing to wait for this guy?

    I say cut it off, find yourself again, and if you two are truly meant to be together, maybe you will reconnect one day. Right now, though, you are unintentionally sabotaging yourself.

    Hope this helps!