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Confused about past feelings

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jezebell, May 26, 2020.

  1. Jezebell

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    So I am a bit confused about myself and the whole coming out late thing, and was wondering if someone could help me out a bit.
    I have been openly bi for awhile now, but recently realized that I may in fact be gay(lesbian). My past experiences and feelings have been really confusing since this realization.
    The issue I'm having is that I HAVE loved men. I also do find men attractive, and can develop romantic feelings for men. But once it gets to a certain point it..stops? I can cuddle and kiss a guy, but once sex gets put on the table I just wanna turn tail and run. And I can have crushes and develop strong bonds with men, but the idea of being in a long term serious relationship with a guy has NEVER been an interest of mine.
    I also recently realized that even when I love a guy, the feelings I have for him are not nearly as strong as the feelings I get for a woman. ( I actually realized I was gay when I developed my first crush on a girl and was like...iv never felt this way about ANY man. Not even the ones I thought I loved..)
    Also since my realization I have not had any interest in men at all.
    So I was just wondering...is it like this for everyone? I know people who have had serious relationships and even been married before they realized.
    Its so confusing.
    Thanks!
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    I can relate...I had “crushes” on guys when I was younger, but never ever wanted to act on it. I never did because my ex asked me out, though I didn’t have a crush on him and just figured that I may as well get it over with. On reflection, I don’t think that I was ever really in love with him.

    I suppose it just didn’t occur to me that I might actually be gay. The guys that I had crushes on, were the guys that I just happened to get on well with. There was never a physical element. I suppose I liked that idea of boyfriend too, but the reality was all a pretence.
     
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  3. Nic2552

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    Sexuality Can be fluid, on a kinsey scale you may lean more towards women than men. I find men very attractive, I also can cuddle and kiss but emotionally it’s not there I can only love them on a best friend level.
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey I think sometimes or certainly for me I thought I had crushes on guys but actually it was just what I thought was a crush because I didnt know any better. Society leads you down the 'straight and narrow' so to speak. Assumed straight unless proven otherwise so not that I even got that close to a guy but I think I would have enjoyed parts of being with a guy but just not the whole thing and I think that is actually quite common.
     
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  5. solarcat

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    It's also worth noting that romantic and sexual interests aren't necessarily the same. You may be biromantic (you have romantic interests in men), but not bisexual (maybe you're only sexually interested in women).
     
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