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confused about my gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by fjord13, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. fjord13

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone.
    So recently I have been feeling like I'm not completely a girl, but I have been confused because I don't feel at all like a boy. I like the terms demi-nonbinary or genderflux, but I'm an unsure about which one suits me more, as sometimes I feel really girly and want to wear pink dresses and other times I feel super agender/gender neutral, and want to wear baggy t- shirts and jeans, but as I said earlier, I don't feel like a boy at all. I also don't know what pronouns to use, as I sometimes really like she/her, but other times when someone refers to me as a she I feel super uncomfortable. I haven't told anyone about this, as I'm not even out about being bisexual yet, so I can't talk to my parents, at least not yet. To sum this long list of problems up, I just would like some advice on how to choose an identity and pronouns and how to approach the topic of both my sexuality and my gender with my parents. Some tips on how to dress more gender neutral would help too. Thanks so much!
     
  2. hispanicninja9

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    Hi!
    Well, some of the problems you mentioned are problems I'm dealing myself now, but I'll try. :lol:
    Let me tell you that it's great that you actually like the terms "genderflux" or "demi-nonbinary". Some people don't like these kind of terms for themselves but think they should be non binary because they don't behave completely like a boy/girl, or something else. It's a sign that this is what you want and you are not so confused :thumbsup: (non binaries if you can tell something about it, maybe i'm just saying something that is wrong and you too felt like such terms were uncomfortable at the beggining).
    Now, for what you tell, maybe demi-non binary suits you better. Sometimes you feel like a girl and sometimes you feel agender/neutral. Genderflux may imply that sometimes you feel like a boy and that's not the case apparently. But you can choose both if you want it.
    Pronouns, well, maybe the neutrois ones are the best for you. You say that sometimes you don't feel comfortable with being called a girl.
    Mmh, coming out... I think the first people you should come out to is to your friends. They are the ones that will talk about boys/girls with you at the end. Your family... it's more complex. What are their opinions on bisexuals or the LGBT community as a whole? Do you depend on them economically?
    Maybe a good way of approaching the topic is talking to them individually(first your mom, then your siblings, then your father, etc). But I would recommend it only if you think their reaction will be positive. I don't really know how someone come out about their gender, but it is something that people perceive most, you understand? If you were never super girly and you wear neutrois clothes(you should start wearing them before you come out), people may think "oh, she's not exactly feminine, she might be lesbian or something". I know that's not right but sure people will see something else.
    I know my replay is a mess but i really have to go to sleep now
    bye (*hug*) we can talk if you want it
     
  3. fjord13

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    Thanks so much, you answered a lot of my questions! About my family, I'm pretty sure both my mom and my siblings are supportive and accepting toward people with different sexualities, but I'm unsure about how they feel about gender. My dad doesn't really talk about how he feels, so I don't know if he is homophobic or just uncomfortable. I tried to talk to my mom about how one of my friends recently came out as transgender, but she kept misgendering him and acting confused, so I am a little scared about bringing up the topic again. I am financially dependent on my parents, as I am still a junior in high school, but I'm pretty sure they would still let me stay and let me go to college even if they don't understand or want to understand my gender. I have always worn pretty girly clothes, as my mom chose me as the "pink" twin, while my sister was the sporty, "blue" one. I'm not sure what my mom would think if I started wearing more gender neutral clothes.
     
  4. Mero

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    I'm so glad you received answers, I hope things work out for you!
    I wanted to reply but I could not think of anything useful, sorry...
     
  5. hispanicninja9

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    haha, you're welcome (&&&)
    mmh, it's great if you say they would let you stay even though they don't truly understand your gender. Some families are awful in that way...