1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Confessed my feelings to a friend and freaking out

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jj2047, Sep 8, 2020.

  1. jj2047

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi guys, I’m freaking out at the moment since I’ve just confessed to a long-term friend of mines about my feelings for her. She assured me that it was fine, but I’m having a hard time dealing with my feelings. How to deal with it?

    Edit: Yeah. All she said was “it’s okay”. After I’ve confessed my feelings.
     
    mayhem likes this.
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,706
    Likes Received:
    1,154
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    By "confessed about feelings for her" I assume that you mean romantic feelings. Is this the same friend from high school that you were wanting to reconnect with? If all she said was "It's okay" then the way that I understand it is that she does not have the same feelings for you but that your having the feelings does not freak her out. From this I think that she just wants to stay friends and not take your relationship to another level. Hopefully you are fine with this, if you can manage it the best thing would be for you to accept that you and she are just going to be friends.

    It happens very often between two people that one will have stronger feelings than the other. This is just something that everyone has to live with. The good news is that it does not seem to bother her, which is something that does happen. A friend of mine confessed such feelings to someone and they have not been friends since. I had a similar experience a couple of years ago and it took two years to mend the friendship. Try to accept that having a friend is a good thing and stay with it.
     
  3. jj2047

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes, I’m having a hard time sitting still with it I guess. Yes, she said it’s fine, but I guess we’ll see how it goes in the future because Actions speaks louder than words. I am hopeful though. I am just a little freaked out at the moment.
     
  4. jj2047

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi, yes it’s the same girl, I had a crush on for years now.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hopefully she’ll continue to be fine about it and your friendship won’t suffer further.

    As you’re finding it hard still, you need make sure that you’re to prioritising yourself and whatever you need to do to get past this.

    What in particular is freaking you out? :slight_smile:
     
  6. jj2047

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I guess I'm freaking out because I'm thinking If I did the wrong thing by confessing my feelings for her,
    Worrying that things will be different between us.
     
  7. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,706
    Likes Received:
    1,154
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think that it is wrong to tell someone that you care about them.

    As far as things being different between the two of you, she said that it was okay. I think that as long as you do not continue to pursue her and make her uncomfortable that you and she can remain friends. There might be a little tension at first, both from her worrying that you might still try for more and from you having to keep those feelings in but it does not have to get in the way of your friendship. Just work on keeping things at the level where she is comfortable.
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It’s a tough spot to be in because if you don’t say anything then you’ll always wonder what might happen if you did, but if you do say something then you worry it will negatively impact the friendship. So, don’t be hard on yourself.

    It’s done now and as you say, time will tell. You can only control your own actions, so behave appropriately around her, as a friend would, with appropriate boundaries. You can’t control what she does, so if you can, try not to worry about it and take things as they come.
     
    QuietPeace likes this.
  9. Lucy Marie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    MHK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Oh, sweetie! ((momhug)). Others have given you some great insights. Here’s what I think you should do....find fifteen minutes (minimum) you know you will be alone. Do something for YOU. A cup of coffee. Dance to an Adele song. Read a trashy magazine. Most of us have been here, we know the angst and regret. But, this too shall pass—you will have learned something about yourself and likely this relationship.
    Keep us in loop. And cause I can ((momhug))