Sorry, advice for my novel again if anyone has time to help. I realise that the safest way to have oral sex would be with a condom, but how many people would actually use one, with a new (but trusted) partner? They have a quick 'you STD-free?' type conversation. Certainly in straight relationships I've not known condoms be used (for oral) for anything but one-night stands. My understanding is that the risks are pretty low and most people take the risk? I don't want to promote unsafe practices, but I don't want to be so overly cautious that the average reader is pulled out of the story because they're laughing at it! It's a mainstream novel aimed at adults, rather than teens. Thanks
I wouldn't do it myself, but I also only have sex in long-term committed relationships where I'd hope we'd trust each other. I understand that there are risks even in committed relationships, but if people used protection all the time, we would never reproduce. I mean, you can get STD's just by kissing another person. A lot of people expect a kiss from the first date without knowing any information, and then- BAM- they now have oral herpes. And then their oral herpes can cause genital herpes. But sadly we do not use protection for our mouths and also do not "wait" for kissing like we should either. I DO think protection is important with casual sex, though. In fiction, it depends. I've read a fiction story where they used a condom with oral sex (two men involved), but one of the guys was also a prostitute with a high number count, so it made the risks higher.
Oral is generally low risk, but the risk is elevated when you have any open wounds in your mouth (skin tears, mouth ulcers etc.) or you've had dental treatment. It's during these times you should definitely consider using condoms. Flavoured condoms were designed with oral in mind, so you have some good options. If in doubt, err on the side of caution.
Unless I'm with a guy long term who agrees to have mutual aids/std testing and I KNOW he will remain with me and me alone as his exclusive partner during our time together I don't do ANYTHING oral or anal without condoms. This translates to the MAJORITY of sexual relations I have had since the aids issue became an epidemic have been safe sex only. It may seem a bit hissy pissy but I've been homosexually active since 1977 and remain hiv- and have never been infected with an std. STD infection rates among females are on par with males so you as a lesbian need ask yourself how much risk you are willing to take to achieve orgasm.
