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Compulsory heterosexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jdulin, May 31, 2017.

  1. jdulin

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    Hi guys :slight_smile: I have a question for you: how did compulsory heterosexuality use to manifest in your lives? How were you able to determine which feelings are a product of it and which are a genuine attraction? How did it use to affect your thinking (while you were still in the closet) about desirable relationship, romance etc.? After all this questioning I'm still not sure about my sexuality; I go back and forth between bisexual and a lesbian and it would be nice to hear your stories.
     
  2. Sienrar

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    It didn't come into play very much. Of course, I heard people preaching about the sanctity and holiness of a hetero relationship by people who can't fathom the possibility of two people of the same sex loving each other. For a little time though, I thought was bisexual which was really just as the result of the general belief that heterosexuality is the default, despite me never having feelings for girls.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    I think I just assumed I was straight because that's what society led me to. I think I tried to find guys attractive and I wasn't repulsed by them I could happily even now tell you which ones I think look better than the others but there isn't really anything behind it. I don't dislike guys as such I'm just neutral or not fussed by them.
     
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  4. TigerStripes

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    I didn't question early enough to avoid having a girl friend for a year. A confusing, educational year.
     
  5. CoconutOilLady

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    I never realized what a "crush" was until I was 17. Everyone's crushes in my teens (and in society in general) were always about how conventionally attractive someone is. So I assumed that by me objectively observing: "He is the best looking boy in my year", that that meant I was "attracted" to him (crazy right.)

    The focus was so much on how people look that I thought that's what crushes were. Anyone can say whether or not they like the appearance of someone. I can say "guys are hot," because they are. I've never felt the urge to kiss a guy, hold his hand, or get to know him intimately. Appearance as an indicator is useless to me. The only thing for me is they are always femme/femme-ish presenting.

    Personalities are what crushes are about.
     
    #5 CoconutOilLady, Jun 2, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2017
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  6. Altruistic blue

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    Wow I relate to this a lot. The only difference is that I switch between hetero and bi, but I understand where you are coming from. I grew up in a hetero normative environment, and I never really understood my sexuality throughout my life. I always had a lingering feeling of attraction to females, but even then I didn't really recognize those feelings as attraction. Since I was attracted to men and that was what I knew growing up, that's what I focused on. But over time I just didn't feel confident about the title "hetero sexual" and always felt like there was something missing.So then I found out that I was bi
     
  7. Humbly Me

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    I kind of just assumed I was straight, I had a girlfriend that I liked even, but I just was never really that attracted to most girls so I never really went out with one again. Then low and behold massive guy crushes out of nowhere, that was an interesting experience.
     
  8. EverDeer

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    I had it strong. I would continually test my own boundaries by flirting with and kissing girls over and over and over again, and still didn't believe it. It literally took until the 2nd time I had sex with a girl and gave her oral for me to believe that I was capable of being attracted to women. But then again, for some strange reason I guess I've never been very intuitive about attraction anyway because I thought I was asexual until I had my first kiss at 15 with a boy (I was AFAB). I still deal with shame and guilt towards it which also used to manifest in disgust and made me think I wasn't attracted to women, but really I think it's just a combination of gender dysphoria as well that holds me back now.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2017 at 01:23 PM ----------

    Yep, this is pretty relatable too. For a long time I just thought I admired other women rather than was attracted to them. I think this was only easier to figure out in men because I did admire other men and was attracted to them... but I definitely dress really masculine and only wear "men's clothes" as opposed to feminine clothes...
     
  9. Creativemind

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    I knew I liked girls my whole life, I just didn't know I didn't like guys. Until later.

    Some clues for me:
    - The only men I were attracted to were hyper feminine looking men. Think anime bishies.
    - When my ex-boyfriend would talk about sexual things, I would be grossed out and weirded out. I thought I was a late bloomer, but realized I didn't feel that way about girls.
    - Finding out the mechanics of heterosexual sex literally repulsed me to the point of feeling sick (but not all lesbians are hetero repulsed either)
     
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  10. jdulin

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    After spending some time here on EC I came to a conclusion that a feeling of slight disconnection with the label "heterosexual" may indicate that you're not completely straight; that's what at least I was experiencing growing up - I didn't consider myself gay either (it was an abomination!). As a child and an early teen I wasn't able to develop any romantic feelings towards boys; what's more I felt "butterflies" for the first time with my girlfriend. It caused me a lot of distress yet I couldn't forget about it; later, after discovering ASMR (videos that make you tingle) on YouTube I explained myself this early attraction as something entirely platonic :lol: During puberty I constantly felt like a freak - I hated romantic movies and novels and spending my future with a man seemed depressing. At the same time I would daydream about living happily with my female best friend just like Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson :icon_wink In my final year of middle school I started to force myself to like guys (in many awful ways) and I continued doing this for the next 3 years (ended up being depressed). I now feel at peace calling myself gay, it seems natural, yet I feel guilty over not trying to like guys in a romantic way anymore. Because I like boys, they are, in short, cool. But I seriously doubt if I'm attracted to them in this way. Even when I thought that I'm straight my ideal of a relationship with a man was platonic friendship based on mutual understanding (like a marriage of Frank and Claire in "House of Cards").
     
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  11. condorqueen

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    I had always known that I liked girls and knew that I never really liked guys in the same way. But despite this, I always felt like men "had" to be an option. This, I feel, stems in part from having been groomed by an online sexual predator at a young age but also from societal pressures and expectations. I've always wanted to fit in but always struggled with that, being pretty and feminine and attracting boys is one of the only things that I was able to do without much effort. So, I dated guys and pretended that the nuclear family would somehow be a possibility for me.
     
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