This is somewhat of a long story, but if I can sum it all up in one sentence it would be "I fell for the person that helped me get over my breakup". So earlier this year I went back to Taiwan for three months. I haven't visited my hometown for 15 years and everything was new and exciting. My boyfriend at the time (now my ex) of almost two years broke it off with me via text on Watsapp. Without getting into details (because it's not the highlight), he broke it off because he was doing it for me. Long story short I cried a lot, my ex wanted to get back with me again, but then I am like no thanks. Then I broke up with him - many times via email, phone and messages (since he was in Canada) During this time I went to a meetup group and I met this very interesting guy named "Henry" (not his real name of course). Henry had the same background as me. We both attended the same university, lived in Toronto, and we both haven't been to Taiwan for roughly the same amount of time. Did I mention he also had a slight UK accent? From day 1, I had an unconscious crush on him. It was also the day I started writing in my journal again. I got to know Henry for approximately three weeks and during this time he had spent countless hours of coaching me on how to handle my ex-boyfriend (since he kept calling via phone and any apps we were both on plus emails). What made matter worse was my ex-boyfriend lived in my apartment. Henry also gave me advice and solutions on how to handle this as he had similar experience in the past. Henry was the best (and the worse) thing that could happen to me when I was at the lowest point of my life. Every other day we would go out together and because I did have feelings for him, it felt as if we were...dating - in my mind. We never kissed, hold hands, but there were a few moments where he almost slipped. Henry asked me if I wanted to go to Japan one night, but quickly dismissed it. He also suggested watching a movie at a cafe in a confined space, but of course he told me, "uh if only it wasn't so late". On my last night in Taiwan, I gave him a letter. A handwritten letter that took me at least 4 hours to write. I also gave him a blank postcard with "The lover's bridge" image on it. It was a popular landmark that we almost went to, but never did. I told him that night that I was infatuated with him, but I have processed my feelings and I am moving on. He was happy to hear that and he appreciated my feelings for him. It wasn't a big confessional moment like in the movies, but it was a really sweet one. Did I mention I read one page of my diary to him, about him? Gosh...twilight moment? I have been back in Canada for three months now. The first month we chatted pretty much everyday. Daily life - stuff like what you ate? Where are you visiting now? It was as if I have never left Taiwan. We actually had a fight too, despite the distance. It was kind of funny, but the highlight was this. Someone confessed their feelings to Henry and Henry told that person "You know who likes me? Johnny does. His feelings are real...." Henry voice messaged me about the whole ordeal and we discussed it. Fast forward now, Henry is actually here in Canada but five hours away. We don't talk as often as we used too anymore. I wonder what went wrong or maybe he's just busy with life (so am I). I do tend to be the one to message him, so I decided to stop that. It is so hard to be a "friend" to someone you have feelings for. It's an one sided affair and it sucks. I realized one thing...I used Henry to distract myself, although "used" is not the best term. I do like him and I still do, but I fail to recognize and mend my own heart. I am hurt and sad about my previous relationship. Anyone else that wants to share their complicated friendship with people? I am sure you got some too... Sigh...is this the end with Henry? I guess it's for the best.
Well, if you told Henry that you were moving on, he probably took you at your word - so if he was okay with that, then he's probably processed the idea and moved on as well. It sounds like your experiences with Henry were very wrapped up in getting past your prior relationship as well. If he had such a large role in helping you get back on your feet, it was very kind of him, but it also probably wasn't an equally balanced, 50/50 relationship. He was more of a support source. Did he ever turn to you for help, for example? If you want to contact him again, it doesn't sound like it would be unexpected, but I would consider first what you want out of your relationship with Henry. Friend? Do you want to try to date while he's there in Canada and see where it goes? Do you feel like you need more support from him? As long as you're clear on what you're looking for, he should be able to respond clearly and honestly in turn.
I think Gravity has given the best advise so I don't really have anything to add but I'll share a story. There was/is this girl that I fancied for years. We were friends. I had indicated to her that I liked her but she sort of indicated that she wouldn't go out with me. She did however on a couple of occasions send me some sexy pics including some nudes. I also had seen and felt her breasts a few times. Anyway she ended up dating this other guy. Not a bad bloke and I became friends with him as well. As I was living on my own and they were not in idea circumstances where they were she suggested about moving in with me. I was a little wary given my feelings but never really had the chance to tell her so and I agreed to them moving I with me. Now for the most part I was able to handle the situation. But it gets even more bizarre. When she had trouble sleeping she would like it for me to get into bed with her (her boyfriend on the other side of the bed) to rub her back to get her to sleep so there were many times that there was the three of us in bed together. Nothing else ever happened. On one other occasion she came to sleep in my bed on her own. On one hand falling asleep and waking up next to the girl I was in love with was nice. On the other I wasn't getting much sleep at night having to massage her back until late into the night. Wow just writing this shows me how weird the whole thing was even though it felt fine at the time. In the end for various reasons, my feelings for her included we fell out. I had also got into another relationship with a girl she had also fallen out with and so we went our separate ways and I haven't heard of her since which was about four years ago. She also broke up with the boyfriend about six months later I did put out feelers a couple of months back that I wouldn't mind getting in touch but have received no reply. Oddly my life got better in a way after she was gone, she was a bit like a poison in my system. She herself is now in another relationship. However I never really got her out of my system and she still affects me to this day. So yeah that's my complicated relationship.
