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Complex PTSD

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Lynz, Nov 26, 2017.

  1. Lynz

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    Thanks so much!!
     
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  2. wickedwitch

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    Hi Lynz:


    So, again, I'm not a professional, this is just my understanding from my own experience:

    Dissociation is a symptom of PTSD which occurs on a continuum or a spectrum. At one end you have simple daydreaming and at the other end you have "fugue" states (amnesia) and D.I.D.

    In the middle you have a wide variety of experiences from "not being present" to "being scattered" to "zoning out" to "shutting down" to "leaving the body".

    daydreaming/ zoning out etc./ fugue/D.I.D.

    +---------------------------------------------+-----------------------------------------------------------+


    These (the more profound examples) are the body/mind's responses to trauma and generally the greater or more persistent the trauma the greater the symptoms of dissociation. What happens during the trauma is both the "survival" mind and the "feelings" mind are overwhelmed and so they "go somewhere else" as a way to cope. Basically what it is is a short-term coping mechanism of your body/mind.

    If the trauma is not dealt with (processed) in some way the body/mind keeps using dissociation as a coping mechanism but like all short-term coping strategies (think addictions, obsessions, compulsions, avoidance) there is usually a price to be paid in some way. If you're always "not quite present", it means you're not fully participating in relationships or able to experience your own feelings in a full way, so learning to deal with dissociation is important for recovery. There is no shame, however, in being dissociative, as this is a survival mechanism and it means that what happened to you was not only profound but also out of your control. If you were abused, the shame belongs to the abuser.

    I've known a few people who were on the very end of this spectrum and a lot of people, including me, who experienced symptoms in the middle of this spectrum. After a lot of work on my stuff, I rarely become dissociative any more and I've remained fully present through some pretty emotionally strenuous events including violence that was directed at me.

    Managing your dissociation is a learning process so take baby steps. Try to notice when you are scattered or whatever your particular manifestation of "going somewhere else" might be. (I remember near the beginning of my recovery I drew this picture of a shape that looked like it was made up of fragments. That's how I felt: fragmented, like there were bits and pieces of my self scattered throughout my mind and it was difficult to get them to work together or to feel like a "whole" person.) Try to remember if there was a specific trigger that caused you to feel scattered but even if you don't know what the trigger was, try to come back into your body/mind and work on coping with how you feel: writing/painting/walking/talking to someone/emotional release work/relaxation exercises, etc., etc. Reducing dissociation is very much about feeling your feelings and accepting them and letting them out.

    It's a good idea too, if you're able to identify triggers, to avoid the ones you can control ie: violent images, sexualized images, internet flame wars, etc. And remember too that this work is exhausting. Try to do some things every day that are more fun and carefree and help you feel nurtured. As I said before, this work is about small efforts over time, so living one day at a time and not overwhelming yourself with high expectations is important.

    I hope this is helpful. I'm feeling scattered myself again today (I've had a flu bug). Hugs.
     
    #22 wickedwitch, Dec 11, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
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  3. Lynz

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    I actually love you. Thank you so much. I've been googling this every day since he mentioned it, with little to no understanding of it afterwards. But u just explain it so well.

    THANK YOU

    Hugs back
     
  4. Lynz

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    Hi Wicked,

    Me again. The pest. Heeheehee.

    Update - been majorly all of the above end of the spectrum stuff the last week or so. Think i'm coming out of it now.

    Trigger - I'm being discharged from psych counselling. 5 more appointments. Then catch up in 6 months. 6 months of doing it by myself. HALF A YEAR.

    Slightly majorly freaked out. Then bubbled. Now out the bubble but scattered.

    Does this sound weird to u? The getting discharged. Just another abandonment to my brain.

    Thank you
     
  5. Really

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    @Lynz ,

    Why the 6 month break? Is it part of your treatment or for some external reason? Could your therapist not recommend someone in the meantime? Remember, you can always come here just to vent if you need to. Even a post that is just one long AAAAAAHHHHHHH, if it helps, is totally permissible. :}

    We will do whatever we can to help you get through this. Hang in there. ^..^|||~
     
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  6. Lynz

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    Hi Really and thanks

    I dont really know why. He explained but I dont think I took it all in. Something about the "1st part" being over. The first part was to learn to manage emotions (which I dont think im done with). The 2nd part will be dealing with what happened. The 3rd part will be looking to the future. Also, something about not becoming dependent on therapy. Which I still totally am and have no idea how not to be.

    I think it's the 6 months thing. Half a year. How, in the name of the wee man, am i supposed to do it myself? What if I revert back?

    My wife is raging. Like completely pissed off raging. She phoned my GP and yelled and cried at him. I've told her everything about it. But she seems to think its completely messing with me wrong. So we have a joint appointment with GP for her to hear the plan, since they cant tell her without me present, without my permission. I've told them, tell her everything, but still a joint appointment. Still more upset for her until then. And probably after that. All because of me. Because of my family being pure evil. All because of religion. And it's demands to disown a gay child.

    Soooo. Yeah. Back to my bubble. For 6 months lol.
     
  7. Really

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    Wow. That sounds rough. It’s good you have an appt with the GP. I think the whole “you have to be there” isn’t unusual. It’s for everyone’s protection. Yours, hers, his. Try not to stress about this point too much. :}

    Maybe it would help if you wrote out a little timeline of your therapy up to now. Maybe not the whole history but the last bit with the current one. And down a second column, little notes about how you feel you’ve been progressing. Two steps forward in March, one step back in June, no change in September, etc. Or some other type of milestones. Showing that you still need it to move forward.

    I agree that if abandonment is one of your issues, this may not be the way to proceed. Can the GP instruct therapists on their course of treatment? I don’t know. Maybe your GP can refer you to someone else in the meantime or perhaps some other service that will hold you over for now and get you through this period.

    I wonder if going back through what you learned in therapy and made notes of the useful things. I know it’s hard for you to go back through your own history but I thought if you did this more as if you were studying what your counsellor told you, it might be a useful list of things to remember or go over when you’re having a bad spell. Just a thought. :]

    And no going into a bubble! Vent, vent, vent. Ok? :wink:
     
  8. wickedwitch

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    @Lynz

    Hi:

    It makes total sense to me that it feels like an abandonment. However, it might be possible to re-frame that as an opportunity to create a support system outside the therapist's office. Do you feel like you have a support system? And I do mean system, as opposed to a single person (ie: your wife) - do you have more than one person that you can talk to outside of therapy?

    If the answer is no, I can think of two different tracks you might try - the first is asking your therapist or GP about counselor/therapist-led support groups that deal with your particular issues. The second is 12-step groups which are generally centred around addictions or codependency. If you have alcoholics among your family and friends, then you qualify for Al-Anon; if not, then Codependents Anonymous may be the way to go.

    I've found Al-Anon to be really helpful - not only for learning to deal with certain people in my life but also as an encouragement to take good care of myself. A lot of what people do in in Al-Anon could be called "CBT in practice" so it's a helpful reminder to practice those skills too. I have never been to CoDa but have heard good things about it.


    Al-Anon:

    http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/listing/helplineindexday/glasgow?items_per_page=All

    CoDa:

    http://www.coda-uk.org/?page=all

    Hope this is helpful.
     
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  9. Lynz

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    Thanks so much Wicked. And @Really

    I only have my wife. Inlaws I dont confide in. Totally trust issues. They are just fun and support for wife. I have a tonne of friends, but most of backed off just now. I can think of 2 who have stayed during the last year.

    Anyway, had my last psych appt yesterday. Told him again I dont feel ready to do it myself for the 6 months. His response - have more faith in yourself and go practice your exercises. We will see u in 6 months. Naw u probably wont dickhead.

    Wife picked me up after, we went to GP for a joint appointment, I tried to talk, only managed to get out "noone cares", "fuck u all", "leave me alone" and such like. Hahaha.

    Wife jumped in after that since I refused to answer the GPs questions. I remember her shouting and crying. Ended in GP saying he is going back to the pysch (team, as in my counsellors boss) to argue for me. Again. Despite the fact I just fucking did and he ignored me.

    Anyway, GP just phoned me. I've been referred to RAMH.ORG for background counselling during the 6 month break of practising on my own. So bit better. Still raging that they didnt just fucking do that the first time I said I cant do it myself.

    Still staying in my bubble.

    Thanks again all
     
  10. Lynz

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    Meant to add. The "5 more appointments" turned into 1 more (yesterday). My psych has been given a new job. There are only 2 in my area. So i think they are prioritising what the other psych can cover, and Im getting shunted out.
     
  11. Really

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    Hey @Lynz, I’m glad you’ve got something to go to. You never know, maybe this change will give you something you’ve been missing and jump start your progress. Fingers crossed it all goes well. :thumbsup:
     
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  12. Lynz

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    Thank you. Really does help venting on here.
     
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  13. Wesley007

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    I have it too. I'm getting better at coping. If you need to vent or something feel free to send me a pm.
     
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  14. Lynz

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    Hi Wesley

    Thanks so much. And same to u.
     
  15. Wesley007

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    You're welcome. Thanks.
     
  16. And it exploded

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    Trust me, I know how it feels to be diagnosed with a million things and feel like a freak. I have autism, cmt, (google it) and have been recently diagnosed with ADHD. I felt like shit at first but what I found is that diagnosis doesn't change anything it just puts a word on what you've been feeling all along
     
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  17. Wesley007

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    Omg I too have your issues. I have read somewhere that us Autistics have a higher rate of being transgender than any other classification
     
  18. And it exploded

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    I actually have a post called extreme male brain that links to articles and studies about this topic