[Edit: I just realized this topic would be better suited for General Support and Advice, could someone please move it there?] Hey everyone, I'm new to this forum. There are some things that have been bothering me in recent months, and I would really like some advice. I apologize in advance for the amount of text, but it's a bit of a complicated issue. I'm 21, soon to be 22. All of my life I've been very shy and introverted. People often say I look nervous in public situations. I have never been in a serious relationship, and I was a virgin until 20. Until earlier this year, I didn't have very many friends. The idea of going out and meeting new people was scary and overwhelming. But the isolation was becoming too much. One night this past April, after being on the verge of tears, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I bottled my anxiety and joined a gay meet-up group. It was a total 180 for my life. I was understandably nervous at first, but I managed to meet a few cool people the first night, who then introduced me to more and more people. In just a couple months, I had a small network of friends who I genuinely enjoyed being around. And they're all gay or bi, so we have things in common! I'm so glad I did this, my life has changed completely. But over the last while, something else has come up that's been sort of eating at me. Most of the friends I've made are in the 18-20 range, and they talk about sex a lot. They all enjoy having casual sex with each other. I don't have any problem with that, I'm no prude, but I feel like a bit of an outsider. I've only done sexual things 5 times this year. Most of that didn't go further than handjobs, and of that I only came two times total. So when I hear that my friends are all having lots of sex with each other, huge orgies, double penetrations, all sorts of kinky and adventurous stuff I've never tried but would love to - and yet I'm never invited - it's really isolating. Granted, I fully understand that part of the problem is that I haven't known them for as long as they've known each other, and they're not as comfortable around me. I don't blame them, and if I were in their shoes, I would feel the exact same way. But it weirds me out when I compare my own situation to theirs. They're all about 2-4 years younger than me. When I think back to 2-4 years ago, I was incredibly horned up, but so socially anxious to the point I could barely come out of my room. They're living the kind of lifestyle I dreamed about for years but wasn't brave enough to pursue. I'm genuinely happy for them, I'm glad they're having fun, but I wish I could've had fun too. I feel sad that such a significant part of my life was wasted. And now at age 22, I feel like it's not really socially acceptable to be hyper-sexual anymore, it's the point where a lot of people start slowing down. But I never really got to start in the first place. I feel like a child in a man's body. People often tell me "sex isn't important, it's the friendships that count". But if it's not important, why are they doing it so much and so often with each other? Why do they talk about it so much? What exactly am I missing out on? I hope I don't come off as a jealous or whiny person, it's just the circumstances and my past are making me feel emotions I don't really understand. Thank you for reading.
Oh man I can relate, I'm turning 22 in a few months and I've never had sex and never been in a relationship. I'm always dealing with feelings and emotions I don't understand. On one hand I really desire a emotional connection as my ideal relationship and on the other I kind of want sexual freedom to explore my interests. When I read the beginning of your post I thought "maybe that's what I really need, to go to meetups and make more friends" but when you got to saying your friends like basically free-for-all orgies i'm now really thinking that's not for me. If you're not comfortable with those casual hookups then maybe you should find a different group to hang out with? Do they basically meet up as a way get together for sex afterward or do they actually go out and hang out like normal friends do? I make make relationships based on trust and emotional connection and if I were in your position I would feel very out of place, my instinct would be to examine my friends and decide which ones are the best to give trust and respect to and which ones don't deserve it. After that I would try to build relationships with the ones I have interest in and only then after putting in the time and commitment and trust building I might MIGHT! go for some kind of sexual encounter with some of my closest. (also would be super concerned about stds too, especially with a group like that) I'd say since I guess you haven't been friends with these guys for very long you should just let it ride for a while and see if you actually want to be friends with these people. At least you're not alone for now and that's always nice as long as they're not assholes to you. If you don't want all the sexual stuff with these guys then you don't have to pursue it. In the end just go with what feels right and true to you.
