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Coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by david27, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. david27

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Hello,

    Im David and im 27.
    As the title suggest I would love to come out to my family or anyone actually.
    But area where I live it's extremely homophobic, I live in a rural area.
    I already wanted to come out to my parents many times, but since I know they are both close minded about those things I just can't afford it.
    Also my friends are very close minded, so I can't come out to them either.
    I also work in a factory, so as u can imagine there I have to listen to homophobic stories every day. Making fun of gay people on daily basis. Telling horrible things, what they would do with gay people.
    One guy last time said "they should be all eliminated" And maybe I shouldn't be surprised, after all im living in a rural area.
    The problem with all that is, I never truly lived. Sure I had fun in high school with my close minded "friends" but this is now over, finding a good friend it's a science fiction here.
    And u expect from younger people to be more tolerant, but not even my cousins, or boyfriends/girlfriends of my cousins are extremely close minded, basically all of my relatives. Thats why im not even up to going out with them anymore or anyone for that matter. Im asked on daily basis from everyone when ill have a girlfriend, and I would love to say "never" but I usually just smile.
    I know this sounds like some conspiracy against me but its just the way it is.
    Im quite strong person in general, so those things doesn't tear me apart. But I know im missing out allot.
    So what u would do?
     
  2. Guywest79

    Regular Member

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    I thought I was registered here before but maybe not...i forgot about thus site..glad I found.

    I'm not sure what to say except I can tell you I came out to self at 31...that was 15 yrs ago...i work w younger ppl some ..eg your age..and I know there's still bigotry 're gays....is there any in person groups you can join....try to be careful...find other gays to talk to from decent sites.....umm I came out to dad and mom b4 they died....mom had trouble with..ironically dad not so much....I'll try to answer any questions but I'm not an expert
     
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  3. I'm gay

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    Out to everyone
    I don't see a realistic way that you will ever change the minds of so many people in your community, given what you've said here. It doesn't sound very safe or healthy for you. Although most parents usually come around and eventually accept their gay children, some don't. From your post, it seems you may be in the latter group unfortunately.

    Can you move to a more urban area, perhaps one where LGBT is more accepted?

    I would not recommend that you stay where you are at if it means you have to stay closeted for your whole life. I certainly would not recommend that you marry a woman to appease your family and go along. It would be the biggest mistake of your life.
     
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  4. david27

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    ok, it's not necessarily that bad.
    im sure my family would accept it over time(but they would never understand it), but rest of my relatives won't accept this, never.
    Ive always been a black sheep when it comes to our relatives, im not saying my relatives are rude, but they are all very judgmental not just about gays, but about everything mainly. If they don't like something, they get mad, they judge and I just can't understand that.
    And they also don't understand me, I like different things I work hard on music production and photography, they all say it's a waste of time and that I should stop with that, and get a woman finally, so they are basically taking away that will I have to do things, while they are basically doing nothing.
    The problem in my country is also that most of the LGBT stays closeted and they never come out, parades are basically non existent or if they are they are very small, I had discussion on some local forums here, and majority says that it's very rare to see any gays outside 4 walls.
    Also same sex marriage was clearly rejected here, but later passed without voting, but u basically can't get officialy married, and can't adopt, so it's like the same as it was before.
    I was thinking already about leaving the country, what majority of young people does these days here. But to leave a country u first need enough money of course, which is very hard with our salaries here.
    And no there are no worries about me marrying or having relationship with a woman, even tho I get reminded about that every day.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    Thanks for the additional information. I'm glad it's not as bad as I thought.

    You should set goals for yourself, saving as much money as you can, so that you have options. There are plenty of places in the world where you can be out and proud if that is what you desire.