Hello, I have never done anything like this and just found this website. I appreciate any help and am so glad I found such an awesome resource. I am struggling to accept fully that I am gay. Right now I am 27 years old and for the last 10 years have been helping my parents cope with a really difficult few years. I am finding now that I did not take time to deal with the fact that I am gay and fear I might be too late. Is there anything I can do to find acceptance in myself. I do not want to come out until I am strong enough to deal with the pressures that come along with it, even though I know many in my family will be supportive. I know I will get a lot of opposition from 1 close family member and I want to know I will be able to deal with it. Sorry to ramble but I was wondering if anyone could recommend any good books, or have any advice on how to accept being gay. I am from a catholic, immigrant home and do not have any gay family members. Many thanks :icon_sad:
Welcome! I think you are already well on your way. And you sound like a good person who cares about family and others. Two things I'll say - first, it's never too late to be your true self. And second, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud to be you. Hopefully others with a similar experience to yours can also help out with books or advice. I think you are doing well so far. (*hug*)
As Adray said, it's never too late. I know that with time you will get there. Unfortunately, I have no resources or anything that may be able to help you, just some personal experience. I do know some of how you are feeling. When I first came out to my friend (I identified as bi at the time), I still hadn't fully accepted myself and it took a while for me to get there. For me, it just took me thinking about it a lot (literally, the thought of being bi was always on my mind). I spent a lot of time writing a journal about how I felt about my sexuality, and I found that helped me come to terms with it, and be comfortable with who I am. Eventually I was able to accept myself. I can say, as someone who attended church as a younger person it was a struggle for me. I never thought that being anything other than straight was an option for me. Like I said, you will get there! I hope I helped in some way (*hug*)
Thank you both for your help. I have had a chance to read some of the incredible questions and feedback from soo many people who are going through such similar situations. It is so helpful, if that makes sense, to know that you are not alone and not making something a bigger issue than it is. Thank you for the advice about writing. Writing that message was the first time I actually expressed my thoughts and it helped so much, I can imagine how helpful writing will be. I am so happy you were able to make it through this. thank you both for taking the time to help
You're welcome! I'm glad that writing this down has helped! And hey, I'm always happy to help. Good luck with your path to acceptance!!
You're never too late to be yourself Like jem said, writing helps. I listen to a lot of Katy Perry (The taste of her cherry Chapstick...). It helps. I don't know why. But since you are a guy, it may not have the same empowering effect on you as it had on me. I would suggest music - if you like it, that is. I know they're not informative, but they help me express my feelings, and I know that it has the same effect on other people, too. I am a singer, and I have always found that there is a song to express how I am feeling. Here are some of my favorites: Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry Heaven by Troye Sivan Ease by Troye Sivan Fun by Troye Sivan Youth by Troye Sivan (Sorry not sorry for my Troye obsession)
Thank you for this, I am very excited to check them out. I did not realize it but I had heard Youth by Troye on XM yesterday, did not know who he was. It really captured my attention, guess I share your obsession now Nobo, thank you also. It is so great that people like you have made it through. I am feeling much more confident now as well. Thank you.
Welcome! You sound like you're already on the road of acceptance. As for coming out to your family for me I'm out to my parents and a few extended family members. Like you I have some that are/will be supportive but others are trump supporters so I don't know how they will take it.
Hi! Let me give a good advice, always be proud of who you are and the things you do. When you feel proud of yourself, the people around you would think it twice before questioning your decisions.
It is not too late for you at all! I am 48 and struggling with the same thing. Accepting yourself is the most important step and the biggest hurdle (for me anyway). I did several internet searches on accepting yourself as gay, I also watched videos on the subject. Just remember that this is who you are and sometimes the best things are found on the other side of fear. Being gay doesn't change you as a person, you are still you, same hobbies and interests, same family and friends. You don't change that at all, you just become more honest with yourself and the people around you. The sooner you can do this the better, that's when you can start living in freedom. You have put it off for 10 years, don't make it 20 or 30. I only wish the best for you, l accept you for who you are, and you will find that a lot of other people will accept you too. Much love and good luck my friend!
I can say from my experience that it is never too late to come out and accept yourself. I'm 29 in May and I have only just come out 2 weeks ago. I was always convinced that the reason why I didn't come out sooner was because I didn't accept myself and I also worried that I never thought I would. I hated the idea of having to plan out how to tell my family, feeling like I would never go through with it. My coming out was completely unexpected but felt amazing (well apart from having a tooth infection at the time, which bloody hurt lol ). I think once you start to tell someone, you begin to feel better about yourself and may realise that some of the feelings may be down to the fact you were more worried about telling someone than you knew. Parents do tend to know already. I hope you find the help you need, but you have come to the right site for support Take care, Ant
Wow. I have been a member of this community for only 20 minutes and have already found such incredible support in some of your posts. It is incredible to learn that so many people are dealing with the EXACT same situation (I am a 27 M as well). I can't offer too much support as I too am just coming to terms with who I am... But maybe knowing that someone is in the same boat as you is helpful to commiserate. Good luck to you and your journey!
Thank you Buddy 87 and everyone for your support. I feel so much more acceptance in just the last few days and it has made soo much difference in my life. Buddy87 I wish you the best of luck as well, we can get through this
I accepted my sexuality at 47 and a year later came out to a few friends. So its never too late. My regret - repressing it all these year. I like who I am now. As for accepting yourself, you sound like a great and caring person. I think you will be okay. Just take your time.
As others have shared, it is never too late. I am 54 and have just started to get clarity on this during the last couple of years - still addressing accepting it. I appreciate the idea as Well of keeping a journal and writing about feelings about one's sexuality - believe I will try that as Well. Good luck to you - we trudge this road together! :icon_bigg
I just came out as gay to my close family and friends. They all say it, but, every time you say "I'm gay" it lid l loud, it's easier than last time. It helps make it real. And once you get one supportive person who you tell, you then know you can be OK. As for Catholic, I was raised Catholic, but abandoned the church because I felt they put more in ceremony than belief. The new poor Frances i s freaking AWESOME. Her wants the church to accept lgbt and divorced persons who live there life well.. So long as your church isn't lead be bigots, I believe you can be gay and still have your faith group. If you have to, you will find an accepting Catholic community. A good friend of mine was studying to become a priest. He accepted me immediately. He also has a fellow student who was gay. Even those who would be clergy can be accepting.
Hi there, I too have found writing in a journal helpful, as a way to get some of the thoughts about myself and my sexuality out of my head at last and on to paper. Also, before speaking to certain people about these things I've sometimes found it helpul to write a letter as if to them, but which I won't necessarily ever give them, just as a way of sorting out and exploring how I really feel about things myself first. And two books I've found useful to do with the struggle of coming out to oneself and others, and self-acceptance: Maggie and Me by Damian Barr Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson. Both are memoirs of coming out in difficult circumstances, and the journey to self acceptance. Winterson comes from a strict religious background which features a lot in her book. Wishing you all the best! It's not easy, but it's worth it. I know how you feel. Tom
Hi jds and welcome to the forum. You are not alone at all. We are all here to help and at some stage have had to go through the acceptance part. Some may still be. For me, I was 25 when I finally did. I kept it so hidden for 10 years. I told my family and friends and honestly, it was a weight off my shoulders. There are days now and again where I find it hard (living in a country where it's a taboo doesn't help) but I am getting there. Keeping journals really helps - I totally agree with that. It's helps to put pen to paper. I wish you all the best on your journey and we here on EC are all here to be supportive and helpful. Take care
