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Coming Out To My Mom And Having Sex With A Barbie

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by MissLittleShy, Jun 2, 2018.

  1. MissLittleShy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2015
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    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I actually came out to my mom as a lesbian about 4 times (Some of them were accidents). The first time was when I was about 5 years old and I was on my bed, and pretending to eat my barbie out. This didn't phase me as being lesbian behaviour and neither did the fact that I liked to undress my barbies and leave them naked all over the floor until about 10 years later when this memory came up in my head. By the way, I hated dolls and much preferred playing video games and this is the only time I remember interacting with the barbie. She found me one day when I was about to have sex with the barbie, I was naked (yes, I know that sounds wrong, and I was a messed up kid.) and she asked me ''what are you doing?" and the memory ends there.

    I found out I was attracted to women when I was 12 years old .( I went to an all girls school so the effect was magnified)but I remember having crushes on girls when I was in primary school. Again, my mind didn't recognize this as being very gay because I didn't know that lesbians existed. Well, I knew but idea of a lesbian only existed outside the periphery on my mind and my mind just looked at them as just 'those people who are not me'. It's difficult to explain. I wasn't brought up in a strictly religious household, but my country's mindset is relatively homophobic and 99 percent of people are Catholics and I could feel it in my household, and my school (Yes, we learn religion in school until 15) I found out lesbians existed and I began watching and becoming interested in lesbian media like the l word when I was 11. Before that I would read strictly female/male fanfiction but from 11 onwards I switched to just female/female fanfiction. The second time I came out to my mom was when I was 12, and I told her ''I think I'm gay.'' and of course she said that ''maybe it's just a phase.'' and ignored it. The third time was when I was 13 when I became obsessed with this girl in my class and I wouldn't stop talking about her. My mom asked me if I had a crush on her, and I said yes, but she also forgot about it.

    The fourth time and hopefully final time was this year. I had hoped that she'd forgotten about the million times I came out to her because I don't actually want to come out to anyone else (Seriously I get panicked whenever anyone mentions the word gay around me because I feel like they're staring at the obvious lesbian in the corner. I don't look tomboyish but I still feel like I look obvious.) We were waiting in the car outside my piano teacher's house because another student was still inside and she was going on and on about ''me wanting to tell her something because I had been acting weird lately.'' I was really confused because it never passed my mind that it was about me being gay. She told me that ''maybe you want to tell me that you like women.'' something like that anyway. I became upset and told her that this was not a conversation to have before my piano lesson and left for my lesson. I felt upset because she had ignored me telling her to her face but she was ready to talk about it whenever she liked, even before my piano lesson. Then when we arrived home she told me that she'd noticed a picture on my computer and I don't know what that picture was (my tumblr is open all the time on my desktop so it could literally be anything) but it apparently meant that I was a lesbian. Then she told me that it's okay to watch porn and that it's normal and I ended the awkward conversation and went to my room. She still talks about boyfriends and whatnot so I guess she forgot about it too.

    So yeah, my life is an awkward mess.