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Coming out to my kids - problems?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DecentOne, May 15, 2018 at 12:52 AM.

  1. DecentOne

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    Hi EC folks,

    Please help me think this through. I've recently told my wife I'm bisexual, and I'd like to be honest with my kids too. She is asking me to wait, and consider what questions they may have and how this will be devastating to them. I know how hard it is for her (still fresh, so still scary and lots of tears).

    They are in their twenties and out of the house (well mostly, one is still in college and home on summer vacation). We raised them to be accepting of LGBTQ folks, but what should I consider will be hard to hear about their own Dad, or what questions this will raise for them? Should I do this in person (not so easy with one of them who lives far away), or is phone or video o.k.? Would it be best that my wife is there while I come out to them?

    Thanks to all for helping me brainstorm and plan.
     
  2. Biguyjosh

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    Why do you want to tell your kids? If I was your son I'd ask these questions: Are you divorcing or going to be in an open relationship? Why are you telling me? Are you seeing a guy?
     
  3. DecentOne

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    Kids, it is important to me to let you know what's going on, and I love you and want you to know. This year I've realized I'm not just a straight guy who's always been supportive of LGBT rights, I'm bisexual.
    Mom and I aren't getting a divorce, I love her. And I'm not cheating on her, and I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not asking for that. I'm just wanting you to know, because it might not be obvious even though it is there, and I want you to feel free to talk with each other and me and Mom whenever you want, and let us know your feelings.

    [if anyone thinks this raises more questions, post them below and I'll keep going with this imaginary conversation]
     
  4. Barbatus

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    @DecentOne Sounds like you are in tricky place right now and while I don't have experience of your situation I think dealing with things directly is probably the best way to go - particularly as your wife already knows.

    I think your children might ask about your history, i.e. asking about have you always loved your wife, have you ever had a bf etc. I obviously don't know your kids but they may want to get some history on things to help them put it in context.

    You might also want to look at some of the coming out threads from bisexual people here. It can be a difficult one for people to understand and there are some very good explanations people have written here that help explain bisexuality (I can't think of any of the top of my head sorry).

    Regardless, I hope things go well with your children.
     
  5. DecentOne

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    Very much so...
    This thread will help me when it becomes time to tell them. I have no idea when that will be, as I'm having to help my wife through her emotions and telling them is something she doesn't want to happen... yet.
     
  6. SevnButton

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    HI @DecentOne -
    It sounds like you don't have any deadlines, just a desire to be open and honest with your kids. That's great - you can approach this thoughtfully and choose where, how, and when.
    Telling the kids in-person has the advantage of being able to respond immediately and picking up all the non-verbal queues. Doing it by a letter or message has the advantage of giving them space to think about it before they respond.

    Hopefully, by being so honest and open with you, they'll be empowered to do the same with you and others.

    Good luck-
    =Sevn
     
  7. theamos13

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    If there is no reason now ie bf or outside relationship I don’t really see a reason to tell them. I have never discissss any past relationships before there mom and they for sure don’t want to here what we are doing. They swear we only did it 3 times to have kids lol.