My dad has always been uh... somewhat homophobic and transphobic. He forbade my mother from talking with her gay friend when they were together and uses all sorts of derogatory language about gay/trans people and makes jokes. Very laddish behaviour. That being said, I used to watch a lot of TV shows about trans people around him - and he always complained,but after it being on so long in the background he eventually ended up watching it sometimes and showing empathy and understanding for some of the people. We argue about politics and conflicting opinions a lot. He can be emotionally manipulative and abusive at times. He's like a big kid, really. He never learned how to chill. I remember coming out to him as not being straight which went a little something like this. Him: " sake why do you always dress like a d*ke?" Me: "Cause I am one hahaHA" Him: "That's not a funny joke" Me: "Good thing I'm not joking then, aye?" And then I left. He never really brought it up again with me, but asked my mum to confirm it. And this was fine with me. When it comes to being trans though, when I come out and transition it will inevitably come up constantly as I start to want to be called by a male name, and male pronouns, and change my body to be more suited to how I feel. And I have no idea how that'll go down, or how I should handle this. I'm already out to friends and my mum, I've changed my pronouns on facebook so he might have seen that and be confused. Does anyone have a script for coming out or... a similar experience with their parents they could share with me? Is Christmas... a bad time to this? Thank you for your help guys.
Hi there. Sorry about your father. That really sucks, dude. I'm impressed that you were brave enough to come out to your mother/friends/even yourself with a parent like that. I won't try to tell you what to do since I'm cis, and can't relate to your situation like other trans people could. But I can give you some general advice. Firstly, do you you live with your father? If so, you need to have some place to stay if he disowns you, even if it's temporary. Are you underage? If your parents aren't together, it would be good to let your mother know when you're telling him so you can stay at her place if needed that night. When parents have anger issues, even if they wouldn't 'disown you', there's always the chance that they kick you out for a few days before calming down and letting you come back. Secondly, be careful if you're planning on coming out on Christmas. I'm not coming out to my parents until late January, after the holidays. I've heard a lot of parents tend to get really pissed at their lgbt child for 'ruining Christmas' so it may be a good idea to wait, especially if you have relatives coming over. Remember that you have had time to process all of this, and no matter how much you ease him into it, it will still be a huge thing to drop onto him. He may react poorly. If so, try to keep your temper. It's unfair for you to have to be the adult in this situation, but otherwise it could go really badly. Good luck. Sorry I can't help you as much as you need. :/ Remember to trust your gut, you know your situation better than anyone else. Optimist17
I'm 20 and moved out a while ago. I've never really been dependant on my Dad so I don't have to worry about being kicked out or anything. My only worry is he'd try cut off my contact with my younger siblings. I guess I'll tell him on boxing day, so as to not taint Christmas lol
