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Coming Out To Friend And “Boyfriend”

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BookWriter1994, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. BookWriter1994

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    Hi, ummmmm right now everyone thinks I’m bisexual because I am currently dating a guy right now and it’s recent because we just got back together blah, blah...

    Anyways.. I know for a fact that I am indeed a lesbian and I just don’t wanna hide myself anymore.. I’m pretty sure that everyone will be okay with it cuz I had came out as a lesbian before a few years back..

    I just don’t know... I thought about bringing my friend and “boyfriend” to the local park and hand them a hand written letter of my thoughts and feelings and I was planning on handing out letters similar to other friends and close family.. I was just wondering what everyone’s thoughts about this?

    Thank you.
     
  2. StefanSoul

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    Well I am new and in fact new to this situation myself. What I can tell you is this. First you have to decide if you want to continue your romantic relationship with your boyfriend. Because this is a road he will travel with you and a reality he will have to accept. I know because it was a reality I only have had to accept merely just a few days ago when the woman I love and who has been my world for years came out to me. Whatever you do, do not come out during the middle of an argument. lol It only will make matters worse. You will regret that in the long run. That having been said it's best done before you build a life together. If that is not your end goal with him then trust me your road is much easier.

    In my case we both still love each other very deeply. We have a life together. So we have to figure out what this means for us. In fact the only thing against me is my gender in our relationship. That is a hard pill to swallow for anyone knowing the person who is your world does not look at you the same way you look at them. The one thing I don't advise doing is making any life changing choices until some time has went by for the healing process.

    Reason being is there is so many emotions on both sides and I can't even count how many times we both cried either when we were a part or together. And while we have chosen each other in some ways it feels like a break up because my heart has been broken. My reality was crushed. I have questioned everything in our lives. She I think knew I was in pain because in all the years we been together she has never heard me cry. Not even once. I've always been the rock in our relationship. I broke on day two after she came out. I apologized to her for any and every wrong thing I had ever done. I told her I don't look at her differently. I am still just as much in love with her today as the day we first met when she took my heart. She literally had me at hello. I knew then she was the one. I told her she deserved the best this world has to offer. Even if that means one day it may not be with me. That and being cliche if you love someone you let them go. If they come back they are yours. If they don't then it was never meant to be.

    She actually as afraid I'd leave. Which actually hurt me that she felt that way. I told her when a man loves a woman. I mean truly loves a woman he will walk threw the fires of hell for her and will suffer every pain imaginable for her. He'll do it for the girl who make him the man he is. She completes me. I told her I am proud. Very proud she had the courage to come out to me. I did tell her her timing and delivery sucked though. lol Which we both had to agree. lol We are still the same people we were before she came out. We will get threw this. We can get threw this. That is something we told each other.

    And while I am happy she has chosen me I am now scared every day of my life so far of waking up. Because I can't imagine life with out her and I don't want to ever wake up and that be the day she has changed her mind and leaves because our love was not strong enough.

    I think while it may have done some damage in our relationship because make no mistake it has been an emotional roller coaster ride for us both. I also think in some ways it has made us a lot stronger. And sometimes in life you have to break something down and rebuild it again to make it much stronger then it ever was before. We have defied the odds before. We can do it again. The fact we can still have a strong romantic life and a fiery passion when we are together and that was can still laugh together give us hope.

    So my advise is be honest. be 100 % honest. No matter what. Be understanding. Understand he will need to process everything and trust me that takes time because it will redefine your relationship. You both will have to do some soul searching and find out what this reality means for you both. If your going to end the relationship. I don't know if there really is a good way to break anyone's heart. I can tell you what I told her. If it's to end then let it end the way we started. As adults and with love and not hate. After that conversation we have not talked anymore about the what if's on if it doesn't work. We have decided to stay focused on how to live in the new reality because having a monogamous mixed orientation relationship is not an easy path to walk, but it is one I am willing to walk with her.

    I have accepted the love of my life is gay and I am proud of her. I wish your all the best and hope my story helps in some way. Good luck and stay blessed. :slight_smile:
     
  3. johndeere3020

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    My story is much like Stefan's above except that it was I who came out to my wife. My advise would also be to be 100 percent honest. There will be lots of questions, be patient take thins slow.

    Dean