Hey. My name's Layla. I'm 12 years old and I identify as a lesbian. I've known since I was around 9-10. I've only come out to my cousin and I really trust her since she's like my best friend. She's also pan. I've found this LGBTQ center where I live. It's called Inside/Out Youth Services if anybody wants to look it up. It seems like a really nice place where I could probably meet a lot of friends. But the problem is, my parents don't know I'm lesbian. I've been too afraid to come out. I mean, they're not hugely homophobic but they just aren't as warmed up to the topic as me. I think that my mom is thinking I'm lesbian and I have proof. I was on her phone once and I opened up Safari to look something up and there was an article up called, "How to Tell if Your Daughter is Lesbian". They have told me they'll always love me no matter what but it just scares me. I fear that if I tell them, they'll think it's just a phase or I don't know yet since I'm so young. I really want to go to that center because I want to meet some friends but I can't since my parents don't know. I have now other way of getting there. Does anybody have any advice to come out to my parents? Also, my mom is a little more soft than my dad so she is probably the easiest to tell.
Hi Bluryface, Well first let me just get out a little laugh about how you found something on their phone... usually it's the other way around. Do you think your mom left that there so you would see it? It can be just as hard for adults to launch into a tricky topic as it is for (pardon me) kids. (OK anyone who can write and express herself like you is a young adult. But get used to "kid", it follows you around for, oh, 30 years or so.) Now, you are doing all the right things, and it sounds like you are in an accepting environment. So.. how to do this without drama? One way is how you phrase it. "Mom, I like girls" uses a verb, i.e. what you (want to) do. It does't put you into a category. "Mom, I'm pretty sure I'm not straight." OK, this is soft-pedaling it a bit, but it gives her some cushion. And of course prepare yourself for the "phase" or "you're too young" line. Yes, it is wrong and you would be justified to be mad, but don't be. "Mom, I'm a lesbian" might be correct, but it uses a noun and reduces you to an "it", a thing. Words count. These are all just suggestions. Go at your own pace. Maybe if you already have a sort-of-girlfriend you could say "Mom, I'm feeling romantic about Suzy." Just a little story about the "too young" part. I recall clearly at about your age (tweener) that my brother turned to me and said "Do you realize we are already smarter than most adults?" Of course I agreed. More experience? No. But you have the perfect right to decide about your own feelings. Finally, I think your gut feeling about the 'rents is correct: they love you, want you to be happy. Show them that you like the way you are. And take good care of them. Good luck!
Thank you so much. I think I might try to tell her once I'm done with seventh grade and I've turned 13.
That sounds good. As long as you have a plan, it can keep you sane. I mean literally, feeling like you have to keep a secret forever just twists people into weird shapes. But you will get it right. You clearly have allies already who love you. And just being here shows you know how to use your resources. Like a good 21st century girl!
