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coming out to extended family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GayRoachGal, Jan 14, 2023.

  1. GayRoachGal

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    i am once again posting on here in this thread

    now as some of you may know, I told my parents I was gay in august of last year
    now I think its time to extend the knowledge to other family members
    im not sure whether my mum has already told my extended family that im gay or not

    but i need advice on coming out to them MYSELF

    I think the first person i will come out too in my extended family is my auntie, as she has mentioned she is/was an open book and that i can tell her anything, i just don't know whether this is something she'll accept as our family is Christian based, we are Anglican which is supposedly the most open denomination of Christianity as far as I've researched
    my parents took it pretty well

    anyways on another note, my sister decided to probably come out unintentionally( shes 7!) by telling my auntie and I that she wanted to marry a girl if only she knew just how much hate she could get for being queer she's so innocent :frowning2:
     
  2. quebec

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    GayRoachGal.....I'm glad that your parents were accepting! :old_smile: I've seen your posts here before, but I don't remember if you've ever shared how you came out to your parents. I may have even made a suggestion then to you as to how to come out to parents. So this may be a repeat...if so I'm sorry, but this may be helpful.

    *****You might want to consider using a letter when the time comes to tell your parents/family. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help!
    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents/family/friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're lesbian?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person.
    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php
    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  3. GayRoachGal

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    yeah I did end up going out via a letter to my mum, which she took very well, I'm thinking of following a similar approach with the letter, like talking about how I've known for a while how the worst thing that'll happen is me kissing a girlfriend etc.

    i better get to writing!

    ️‍
     
  4. GayRoachGal

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    UPDATE: Ive made a lesbian flag cuff( type of kandi, bracelet, search up kandi cuffs for an idea) and I'm wearing it when I go out with my auntie, I also stuffed my flag into my little money bag so if I come out then and there, it'll be dramatic and in the middle of the store lol
     
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  5. Rayland

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    Good luck. I hope it goes very well.
     
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  6. Ushiromiya Red

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    I'm happy your parents were accepting..I'm always happy to hear that. We need bits of hope in this world when there doesn't seem to be much around...or it's hard to find. My best suggestion is take your time coming out, do it on your own terms and at your own discretion. Nobody has a right to know until you let them know. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. Just take your Time, say what you want to say and if they don't accept it...that's on them. But they could totally surprise you. I hope everything works out in the end for you. :gay_pride_flag:
     
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