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Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LunarLyric, Apr 18, 2017.

  1. LunarLyric

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    Oh so what do you think of this plan? I made a thread related to it in Chit Chat but didn't pose the question directly. My mom and sister are going on vacation for a week over the summer, coincidentally during pride month lol. So i was thinking about buying pride merch (dad told me several backdoor ways to buy shit to get around mom cause he does it too). But the point, aside from possessing pride merch, and the idea is that i would like to use it as a conversation starter with my dad. Wear a pride shirt and necklace and use it as a conversation starter to see what he thinks and, if it goes well, come out to him.

    I'm picking my dad as the first person to tell because he's very...laid back, i guess? Like if it doesn't affect him directly, most things don't concern him. He's very supportive, generally - like he'll take sister out to anime conventions that mom never would have been open to doing. He doesn't care for politics and he has sort of an 'i will live my life and you can live yours' mentality about everything i guess. So i feel like if i tested his opinion by wearing a pride shirt around him rather than directly confronting him...its a place to start. And i don't do confrontation so it has to be in a small way but i'd have to start it somehow cause he's not a talker.

    I feel like even if it turns out he doesn't care for it in the end, he at least won't openly judge it. I would be very surprised if he didn't accept me or at least tolerate it. What do you think? I feel like starting with my dad is, well, a good place to start. If he accepts me then i'll think about being more open, generally, at work. Not just with sexuality, but life struggles and just general conversation. I've always been scared of everybody, but living like that is isolating. I think there're quite a few people at work that would make good work friends if i just talked to them more and tried not to let myself be so scared of rejection.

    I know its probably a weird way to do it...idk if it'll even work. But i don't do confrontation cause i'm afraid of judgement and rejection so there has to be some sort of conversation starter. And i want pride merch anyways. And he doesn't do politics so that's not a good route to take.
     
  2. LunarLyric

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    I feel like i'm being selfish and annoying bumping this. Sorry guys. Doesn't anyone have an opinion? Do i need to shorten it and reword it? Or is the whole thing just stupid and i should think of some other way to do it?
     
  3. Worker Bee

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    You are not being selfish or annoying. I think it's a great plan. And I hope that it leads to you discovering friends at work.
     
  4. CobraKiy3

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    Go for it. I find it's better people know for your mental health, especially if people accept you
     
  5. Assassin'sKat

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    If I were you, I don't think showing off pride merch before saying it is best.
    But, if you think that will work for you, go for it, I suppose.
     
  6. LunarLyric

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    Thanks <3 Today's the Day of Silence...wonder if anybody from work will be doing it or commenting on it. If they do, think i should take the opportunity and come out to them? Or wait until i've been able to mentally prepare for it? I'm just an anxious mess today. This all just occurred to me.

    ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 12:22 PM ----------

    THIS. I really need a support system and i think if i have people that accept me for this, that will help. But i'm a wimp and scared of conversation so yeah.

    ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 12:24 PM ----------

    Yeah that's the thing. I don't even know if he'll comment on it or take the bait if i ask his opinion on it. So idk if it'll be the conversation opener i'd like it to be to begin with. And i can only hope that because he's never made homophobic statements before or had an opinion on it that that means he isn't homophobic. But all of this really hinges on dad. If dad can't or wont accept me...i won't have anybody. If he doesn't accept me i'd be just as good dead cause he's the parental figure i try to let myself depend on when i need it, vent to some, etc.
     
    #6 LunarLyric, Apr 21, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2017
  7. beenthrdonetht

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    To tell you the truth, it sounds like your dad is already an ally at least in spirit. If you've shared the online ordering backdoor (not that I approve of circumventing mom) then you're already pals. He could become your best backer. And although it might seem small, it raised a (good) flag with me that he took your sister to an anime convention. He wanted his girl to follow her own ideas.

    I think it's your call about the wearing-merch-hinting approach to raising the topic, if it's bright and colorful, yeah it should get some convo started. Good luck and let us know!
     
    #7 beenthrdonetht, Apr 21, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2017
  8. LunarLyric

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    Haha you got me grinning in the break room like it's Christmas that's how much I love this post! Thanks so much it really means a lot. It's hard to tell sometimes with my dad cause he's not a talker.
     
  9. LunarLyric

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    So half my family's vacation is just a week and a few days away. I'm looking at pride necklaces to buy (i'll just hide it under my shirt around mom). I posted to ask this though - is it really bad to come out via text? I'm so bad at 1x1 convo normally let alone about something i'm so scared to say. That way i can at see his response and gauge it and decide what to say back too and have time to script a reply. And then if it goes well or even okay i can just strike up a convo in the car or when mom's not home or whatever. I think he's the type who will either not care cause it doesn't involve him directly or he'll be skeptical and need education that you can know your sexuality w/o dating. Not sure yet either one are possible but i do not expect a bad reaction from him. Is this a really bad idea, coming out via text to my dad, or should i face my fears and do it face to face? He knows i don't do the whole confiding in people thing very well cause he's like that too.

    Note - about the vacay, its just my mom n sis going not me, my dad, and brother. We're all staying home but my homophobic brother is rarely home between work and friends.
     
    #9 LunarLyric, Jun 16, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2017
  10. Quantumreality

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    Hey LunarLyric,

    There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to Come Out. You just have to do what works for you. If you would be most comfortable Coming Out via text, then go that route. The only thing I'd mention for you to consider is that when you finally hit 'send' on such a text, you may have to wait quite a while for a response and that can be nerve-wracking.
     
  11. LunarLyric

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    Guys I did it I told dad via text n he was totally okay with it. Haven't spoke face to face yet cause I'm at work right now but still. Totally made my day to read that. Woulda told him earlier if I was sure he'd b this cool with it and knew it'd make me feel so happy.
     
  12. Quantumreality

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    Congratulations LunarLyric!:thumbsup: That's wonderful!:slight_smile: It took a lot of courage, too!
     
  13. Totesgaybrah

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    Congratulations!
     
  14. Abigail15

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    Aw wow! Just read through this! I considered all sorts before coming out and then when I did it it was kinda anti climatic really. I'm glad your dad is cool with it all, congratulations!!