This post starts with a build up, but you can just skip to the last paragraph if you want. So, my step mom is my biggest concern when I think about coming out. I’m sick of hearing her and her cousin talk about homosexuality ALL THE TIME. Each time she says “It’s just like every other sin.” Which is her way of trying to sound like a “loving and accepting christian” while still agreeing that she wholeheartedly agreed that being gay is morally wrong. She is tired of gays “pushing their agenda,” thinks they shouldn’t be represented in the media, and that children shouldn’t be exposed to homosexuality. She believes that gayness can be cured through prayer, and that it shouldn’t be acted on. I could go on and on. I’d made the decision that their was no need to come out to her because we weren’t close, yet I still care what she thinks of me. She’s always been “worried” I was gay. She’d ask my sisters if they knew anything and would occasionally and tell them ever since I was a little kid she had a feeling I was “different.” Though the only time she asked me directly was when I was 14, and I was still assuming I was straight. Now that I’m 21, I’m fully aware of my sexuality, and tired of staying silent. At first I thought I didn’t want a label. I didn’t want to make a big deal if coming out. But now, I’m sick of listening to my stepmoms homophobic cousin. I’m sick of hearing her blast gay people for wanting to be treated equal, and feelings unable to defend it. I considered just arguing as an “ally” but she already knows I support gay marriage, and I feel like just being an ally would be less affective. I don’t want to hide it. Which brings me to my main point: I need help defending homosexuality on a biblical basis. I want to prove that being gay is not a sin, that god really doesn’t care and neither should she. I am not a Christian myself, though I’m incredibly familiar with the Bible given my upbringing, but if anyone has some input that’d be great. (If you do believe it’s a sin I don’t really care, because again, I don’t believe in that stuff) But probably most importantly, I’m not sure how to explain to her why it’s so important she not believe homosexuality is a sin. I know. I should know why that’s so important to me, but I don’t. Any thoughts?
I'll be completely honest with you and suggest you don't even bother trying to reason with them. When somebody has an almost obsessive fixation with the 'sinfulness of homosexuality' you can pretty much guarantee they don't possess listening ears and will remain closed minded to any argument to the contrary. I've had long and heated conversations with Christians like your step mom and her cousin and taken huge amounts of time to deconstruct their narrative and develop the theological arguments that disprove their position, but they just return to the same old place and become quite defensive and very personal in the process. I come from a denomination that takes a three-fold approach to the Christian faith, with equal emphasis on scripture (The Bible), tradition and reason. Unfortunately, some denominations almost entirely miss the last point about reason and just want to make the words of the Bible - as written - fit the complexities of the 21st century. Treating the Bible like a novel they fail to see beyond the words on the page and treat every letter and line as God's own infallible instruction for life, handed down through the generations. You just can't argue with people like that. If you want to develop your own knowledge and debunk the fundamentalist silliness, I commend you for that. As a gay Christian you'll be on more solid ground if you put in the reading time, but I suggest you do it for yourself. If you want a starting point take a look at this website: https://www.gaychurch.org/homosexuality-and-the-bible/ The article by Reverend Justin Cannon is very good because it begins that process of deconstructing the so called clobber passages that people like your step mom latch on to. You may also wish to look at God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines and Torn by Justin Lee. Hope this helps.
Well, firstly, trying to reason with the majority of Christian's is impossible. They use God as an excuse to justify every silly belief they have, and faith is their crutch against reason and common sense. But, fun fact. Hetero and homo sexuality is a new concept, actually, mid 1800s I believe the terms were first coined. And to be heterosexual was to have 'deviant and immoral desires for the opposing sex', not normal. The Christian's actually stole their anti-gay sentiments from the Stoics. Stoics believed that sex that was not for the sole purpose of procreation was an excess. So obviously, sex that couldn't result in pregnancy was a definite no. Early Christian's took those beliefs and ran with them. Also, in Song of Solomon in the Bible, I forget which passages, it was translated badly. Originally the scene describes joyous love between men, and says that the purity of love transcends mortal form. When it was translated, that did not fit into the culture, so they made it sound like it was between a man and his wife. Of course, you could always use the old argument, 'If God is perfect and makes no mistakes, and he made me Gay, then maybe he has a higher purpose for me'. It doesn't always work but it's harder for them to come back from that one without sounding hypocritical.
Are planning on staying closeted when you try convincing your stepmom that homosexuality isn't a sin, or are you planning on coming out and making your case to back you up? How dependent are you on your stepmom? If you are dependent on your stepmom and live with her, you should consider the possibility that she may disown you and kick you out of her house without even giving you any time. Especially this time of year in November with winter around the corner, you have to be careful. So if you live with her and are planning on coming out, you should find a friend who is willing to let you live with them if you get kicked out. As far as your stepmom's homophobic cousin, I am sorry to say that she sounds like she is never going to be convinced of anything. People like that are impervious to reason. Since your stepmom has long suspected you are gay, it will be less of a shock, however when you finally tell her she'll still go through shock and a sort of grieving process. My mom always suspected I was gay, and yet when I finally told her, her mind was blown and she immediately went into denial. If you can get by without her financial support and housing security, then it is possible that she will come to accept you in time, and come up with her own Biblical justifications for it, or start disregarding the Biblical objections to homosexuality. However, this may take time. You can come up with a reasonable argument for homosexuality, but I personally don't buy it, but I'm an agnostic so it doesn't matter to me. Generally, the case is made that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for hostility towards strangers and not homosexuality, the Old Testament condemnations of homosexuality have been rendered void by Jesus along with such trivial rules such as not eating shellfish, and Saint Paul's condemnation of homosexuality has been mistranslated and was really a condemnation of Pagan fertility worshipers (or something like that). Personally, I have a problem with all of that. For one, whether Sodom was about gay people or not, it's insane to me to contemplate how anyone could blindly believe that story actually happened. For two, Levitical law is so barbaric, the barbarity of the god Yahweh is not excused by Jesus's New Testament. For three, Paul of Tarsus, by his own confession in his epistles, is a murderer, and I find it mind-boggling that a confessed murderer had the nerve to basically come up with a sht list of all the groups of people he feels are going to burn in Hell forever. But hey, everyone is free to believe what they want, so if that's your cup of tea, drink up. If your main objective is convincing your stepmom that homosexuality can be compatible with Christianity however, then all you need to do is build up your case with the apologetics. Plenty of gay-friendly sources have done this. But it will still be hard to make a Biblical literalist reconcile homosexuality with Christianity - especially if they are already homophobic. For instance, you may find that a Bible thumping fundamentalist is already convinced you are going to Hell for not being a Christian, but once you tell them you are gay, even though you were already headed for Hell in their mind, you are suddenly a million times more evil to them, and they don't even want to tolerate your sight. So, try not to waste your energy trying to convince people like your stepmom's homophobic cousin. Your stepmom might at least tolerate you, and acceptance will be built up over time. Good luck
You know, strictly speaking, true Christian's shouldn't even be against homosexuality... If you follow only the word of God, not the words of men who might have a bias, then you'd follow only the ten commandments. There's a commandment against adultery, not being gay. Every passage in the Bible that speaks against homosexuality, it's a person, not God, going against it. Usually with a lot of clearly Stoic rhetoric, and it's a well known and historical fact that Stoicism influenced early Christian's. The only references with clear signals against homosexuality are clearly Stoic by language alone. Homosexuality was considered 'idolatry', I think by Paul. Stoic. Stoics believed that any sex not strictly for procreation was an excessive physical worship of the human form, an idol of pleasures, so to speak. Therefore, by language alone, Paul who decried homosexuality was like a Stoic, as well as a Christian. God, himself, has nothing to say about it really. The problem lies in the hypocrisy of Christian's. I mean, there's a Commandment against murder, and theft, but the Crusades were nothing but killing people and robbing them to spend money on massive cathedrals, and that is supposedly ok with them. Because they benefited from it. Christian's have no qualms going against the words of their God as long as there's a 'good reason'.
Sorry for bringing up such a old thread but I hate when some Christians use the Bible as a crutch to hate
