Coming out to Best Friend

Heya! Congrats on making the decision to come out!

It's pretty scary to come out to your best friend. I should know--I did it a couple weeks ago. She's my pastor's daughter, so I was super worried as well. But she surprised me with how supportive she was. I hope your friend does as well.

Firstly, is she okay with gay people in general? If she's already homophobic, try to ease her into it. Don't drop it on her all at once. Try talking about gay celebrities and easing her into the general mindset that gay people are just that, people. You could say stuff like "I don't think Jesus would condemn gay people, you know? I mean, he hung out with prostitutes and washed sinners' feet. And he never said anything about gay people going to hell, either. "

If she IS okay with gay people:

Let her know that she's the first person you've come out to. Make sure she knows how much you trust her, and that you love her enough to tell her your big secret.

THEN, specify that you're not going to hit on her, something like "I know you're worried about what people will think about us. I'm sorry about that, I can't control other peoples' thoughts. But I promise, I would never hit on you or do anything to make things weird between us. I don't want to make anything uncomfortable or change anything by telling you, but I also think it's only fair that you know."

Make sure you guys communicate. In any relationship, platonic or otherwise, it's important to make sure you know how the other person is feeling. You can even have a conversation about what to say if people ask about you, or what to do if they think you're together.



I really hope things go well. Sorry I don't have more advice, I'm not an expert at all. I've only come out twice. I hope this helps and remember, you know your friend best so go with your gut.

Optimist17

 

My best friend was the third person I came out to, I was scared it would change our friendship (it’s kinda the same situation as yours, we’re old friends from school and it’s just us two, then we have separate work friends) and was worried she might think that our nights out were dates.

I told her in a bar because 1) I needed Dutch courage and 2) if it didn’t go to plan I could get out there quickly. When I told her she was taken aback, I’m not sure she really suspected, but when she thinks back it might be obvious (I haven’t dated since 2007 and never talk about guys).

To my surprise she was upset because she thought I felt I couldn’t go to her and talk to her about it. She felt bad that I felt like I’d have to keep it a secret, and she assured me that nothing has changed. That was over a year ago and nothing has changed, just the ‘he’ in conversation has been changed to ‘she’.

If anything, I feel like we’ve became closer and confide in each more now. I hope you and your friend will be the same and I wish you all the best!

 

Don't worry about it! I planned on telling my best friend over coffee too, then chickened out for two and a half years, so you're still way ahead of me. Lol. Whenever you do it, let us know how it goes!