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Coming Out Struggle

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by OtherMe, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. OtherMe

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    Not out at all
    basically, finding coming out frustrating as fuck. Told myself that I'd tell my best mate by the end of summer, but that times come and gone. Sometimes I just sit up at night with an urge to phone him and just tell him but obviously I don't, maybe it's because I feel like we aren't as good friends anymore and so I'm unsure if he won't react as well as I used to think he would have. Also is it strange that I only have a desire to tell him? Especially seeing as I'm certain he already knows. Not really sure what I'm getting at just find this whole scenario of being bi weird af and don't get why it's big yet at the same time have a big urge to tell someone. Yet still I don't say anything, there's that invisible barrier that's been there since I was like 12.
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    Hey OtherMe,

    What you describe isn't at all unusual. If/when you Come Out to anyone is completely up to you. For bisexuals, Coming Out can be even more complicated because of the serious amount of biphobia and ridiculous stereotypes that exist in society.

    Much as you're contemplating, the first person that I Came Out to was my best friend. It was hard to do, but I ended up basically backing myself into a corner (intentionally) by telling him via email that I had something very personal and private about myself that I wanted to share with him in a direct conversation. Thus, when we finally talked, I pretty much HAD to tell him something...LOL! Still, it took about 10 minutes of meaningless conversation, with me skirting all around the actual topic and with him being very patient, before I could finally tell him that "I'm Bisexual." He didn't even pause in expressing his total, unconditional acceptance. That actually made me feel kind of stupid for making such a big deal of it in my own mind, but my fear of even the small possibility that he would reject me after I Came Out was a truly terrifying prospect and very real to me.

    So, I totally get where you are coming from, but you will Come Out to him when the time is right for you.

    Best of luck!:slight_smile:
     
  3. OtherMe

    Regular Member

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    Thanks yeh currently having a real urge to tell someone but very scared.
     
  4. Quantumreality

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey OtherMe,

    It's pretty much one of those things that you either do when you are relatively comfortable enough and feel motivated enough to do. Otherwise you don't Come Out. Either way, the choice is always yours. Perhaps if you made a Pro and Con list for each of the people that you might consider Coming Out to, that might help. If the weighting of your Pros or Cons for any particular individual is significant, that may help you to at least determine WHO you might - or might not - be willing to Come Out to when you are initially ready.