While I am currently a closeted trans man and only out to my wife, I thought I would share my story of coming out as a homosexual female to my family instead. Essentially, it didn't go well. Which is probably why I am battling Major Depressive Disorder and severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder now that I am trying to come to terms with the trans bit. I was a freshman in college at the time and had been hiding my secret from my family since I was 8 years old. I had told a smattering of friends that I was gay over that ten year period, so I was out to quite a few people at this point, but I really had never been with anyone or dated, so there wasn't much to hide. My mom had fallen extremely ill and my dad, sister, and I (as well as my mom) didn't think she was going to make it. So one night after class I came home and went to her bedroom to tell her about my day (normal routine for the time) and I started telling her about this guy that I had been paired up with for German class. I thought he was so witty and cool and he immediately helped me memorize some German phrases that I had been struggling with by using funny mnemonic devices. I have a hard time making friends, but this guy was so easy to get along with and we had a lot in common, so I was excited. Out of nowhere, she asked me, "Are you you interested in this guy?" I told her no, but she pressed. "Why not?" I shrugged and said that I thought he was married. She then got randomly bold and asked, "Are you interested in any guys?" I said no and immediately thought I was going to get sick. So she asked (almost as an accusation), "Do you even like guys?" I said "not really," and started to feel the nerves build. She grew dark and irritated, then asked, "Do you like girls?" I froze and literally almost urinated myself. I swear that the temperature in that room dropped by ten degrees. My mom snapped and said, "Well I guess your silence is answer enough!" She kicked me out of her room and the next three weeks were pure hell. She threw things in my room, screamed at me for little stupid things, and snapped at me any time I tried to talk to her; at one point she even told me that she was "mourning the loss of a child." My dad didn't say a word to me or even acknowledge my existence in the room for those three weeks. When my mom finally did talk to me, it was to explain how much of "an embarrassment" I was and that she needed to know a list of everyone who already knew so that she could, essentially, contain the damage. [What the actual hell?] I moved out a year later, but that year was the worst of my life. I almost failed out of college because of it. I know she was sick and scared, but I just don't understand why she reacted the way she did. She's always so pro-gay when it's anyone but me. She has gay friends, gay students who she is like a mother to, and was always close with our two gay relatives. It hurts more than I care to admit to anyone. We're okay-ish now, but quite often our relationship feels fake. I certainly do not talk to her about anything too deep or personal now, but I frequently wish that things were different.
