Hi everyone! I'm getting to the point where I'm seriously considering coming out to my family, but I don't know exactly how to do it (who does, really?). TLDR: I don't know if it would be best to talk to everybody at once, siblings first (together or separate), parents first (together or separate), etc. Here's the rundown: Me: oldest of three, just turned nineteen, single & gay/lesbian. Loves my cat to death. Out at college, to high school friends (but not whole school), childhood best friend. Not out to any immediate or extended family members or on public social medias. Brother: sixteen, three years younger than me. We're not best friend close, but the kind of sibling close where I'm his older sister and I'm not exactly "cool" to be around, but we're definitely on good terms. Doesn't make outright anti-queer jokes or seem homophobic, but does participate in that "don't assume my gender" meme that's been making the rounds with teenage boys. We don't talk about ~feelings~ or anything, so I think it would be kind of weird for him to have to start think about me in terms of relationships with another person, no matter who. Sister: turns ten tomorrow (!). Has always looked up to me in a pretty nonchalant way, but I definitely set the ideas of what it's like to be a teenager for her. Closer to her than my brother, but again, doesn't consider me her best friend or anything, and we don't talk about relationships at all. Slightly concerned that she might let it slip to parents, brother, or friends, but hopefully she's old enough? Also not sure how much she really knows about LGBTQ people or her opinion (or lack thereof). Parents (in general): have opposing political affiliations, and at some point decided it would be better to not talk about politics in front of us than bring it up and argue about it. As a result, I know little about their opinions on LGBTQ issues, but I've picked up pieces here and there. Both think Trump is a doofus, but I don't know if they disagree with the conservative policies or the way he's going about it. Mom: registered Democrat, but also the most Catholic of our family. Very pure, tumblr would love her-- she loves glowsticks, the wiggly blow-up people at car dealerships, caught *every* SINGLE Pidgy on Pokemon Go because they were cute. Not sure if she suspects anything gay, not sure if/how to find out either. Will most likely be fine, but will likely need some mental readjustment time. Dad: registered Republican, but seems to be questioning due to President Cheetoman. Classic dad, wears those adventure croc sandals, blue polos, and cargo shorts, all-caps handwriting. Will probably be fine eventually (slightly more likely than not), but coming out will definitely be weird for him. I think dads are hard for everyone, though, although it's hard to put into words. Cat (Mandy): already been told, but doesn't speak English so may be unaware. No reaction, just the same love as always So-- thoughts? Opinions? Anyone have advice/tips on coming out order-of-operations from their own families? Thanks for your help xoxo
So, I haven't come out yet so I can't really give advice based on personal experience. However, you're situation is super similar to where my brother was when he came out so I thought I would just tell you what he did. So, the only sibling he like actually came out to was my older sister because they are the closest in age and at that time, me and my brother brother were pretty young. (like 9 and 13) Also, he didn't know this but we definitely already knew. Then he came out to my parents separately about a year after he came out to my sister. I think coming out to my mom first was beneficial to him. She sorta prepped my dad a little bit by dropping hints and stuff so he wasn't completely blindsided when he came out. However, I'm not saying you should do this, everybody's experience is different and in the end, you know you're family better than anyone else on here. I wish you the best of luck with your family!
As far as parents are concerned, I would normally advise people to tell them together, unless there is a compelling reason to not do so. Confiding in one over the other places you in a position where you are playing favourites and it's not reasonable to expect a married couple to keep secrets from each other, nor is it reasonable of them to insist that you keep it a secret. Even if parents have divorced you should make an effort to tell both within 24-48 hours. If you intend to tell them face to face, pick a moment when things seem relatively calm and they are both together in the same room and get to the point as quickly as possible. If you start with a long preamble you may find it difficult to say "I'm gay".
