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Coming Out Letter to Parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Woodzie, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. Woodzie

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    Hi All,

    I'm just looking for some advice on a letter I've written to my parents to let them know I'm gay. I haven't given it to them yet and would like an opinion on it to see should I make some changes to it or not. The letter is as follows:

    "Dear Mam & Dad,

    If you are reading this letter it means that I have not had the courage to talk to you both face to face. I don’t want you to worry as there is nothing wrong with me however I do want to share a secret I have been trying to keep for many years.

    You may or may not have noticed that I have not been one the happiest of people since I was a late teenager. I was never one for going out or partying a whole lot, I threw myself into college, getting my accounting qualification and then into work, I only kept a small close group of friends and I was always a very private or somewhat reserved person.

    For the last fourteen or fifteen years I have not been in a good place. The truth is for most of the time I’ve been miserable. I’ve felt that my life has been just passing me by and as I see all my friends beginning to settle down and see how happy they are I’ve decided that I can no longer live my life just existing.

    Over the last year I’ve evaluated where I am in my life and I decided that I have to finally stop lying and come clean. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I need to tell you that I’m gay.

    It’s taken me a long time to be able to admit and accept that I’m gay. I’ve tried to deny it for so long and have lived in fear of my secret coming out that it has affected my happiness and is impacting on my health. That is why I’ve come to the realisation that I cannot continue to live like this. I’m nearly 32 and too much of my life has passed me by.

    Hiding that I’m gay has impacted in so many areas of my life, for instance:
    - I am always aware of my actions to ensure that I don’t do or say anything that may lead someone to think I’m gay
    - I don’t drink alcohol as I’m always afraid that if I get drunk that I would let it slip out to someone
    - The fact that I have not had a proper night’s sleep in so many years because I’m so unhappy and constantly worrying about my secret being found out
    - The utter fear of someone asking me if I am in a relationship and always having to have an excuse as to why I’m not
    - Worrying about what would happen my job if I came out and what my colleagues would think.
    - I purposely don’t get close to people. Someone recently said to me that while we have been friends for many years they always feel that I have my guard up and that they never get to see the real me. The sad thing is that it is true.

    I have done a lot of really stupid things and treated some people terribly trying to hide my sexuality. It has made me become a person that I don’t like.

    I’m now deciding to come out because I want to be happy. It may impact on my career or more importantly the close relationships in my life such as friends and family but it is something I need to do and I will accept whatever the fallout is.

    My biggest worry about coming out is how it will affect you both, how you will react and I am afraid you may not want to speak to me again. I could not have asked for better parents, you gave me a brilliant childhood, gave me everything I ever wanted and always loved me. I know that this will come as a shock to you both but I really hope in time you will come to accept the fact I’m gay and understand why I had to come out. I understand that you will be worried for me but Ireland is now a much open and accepting place than it once was. I am still the same person that you have always known, the only difference is that I will hopefully be a lot happier and not be constantly worried.

    Love"

    I'd appreciate any feedback you could give.

    Thanks
     
    #1 Woodzie, Aug 21, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2016
  2. I'm gay

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    Please don't change a single word. It's perfect. I'm literally in tears right now. Good luck to you. (((BIG HUG)))
     
  3. Woodzie

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    Thanks man. Hopefully I convey what it's like to be in the closet and why I need to come out.
     
  4. ConverseCody

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    Sounds perfect to me. So sorry to hear how you've had to keep it to yourself for such a long time and the impact its had on you. I really hope things go well for you!
     
  5. QuestionMark99

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    Really nice letter. I think the specific point by point list of how being quiet has hindered you is a great inclusion. Sometimes others have no idea what it means on a day to day level to be in the closet, how it pressures you or how it changes behaviors.

    I wish you luck!
     
  6. killswitch0029

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    It's perfect. The way you wrote it does a great job conveying your feelings and that's not an easy feat to accomplish in writing. Well done and good luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. Lostandfound36

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    I wish you the best of luck... :slight_smile: Reading your letter reminded me so much of myself and my own struggle with being in the closet (half way in, I suppose)! So, thank your for that... I feel so closed off some times, and, even though I wish you didn't have to feel that way, and that your letter is just the first step in you finding your joy, it is comforting to hear that other people are experiencing things similar to myself. My thoughts go out to you as you take this brave step with your parents. May they find understanding and acceptance in your honesty and courage!!
     
  8. csm123

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    Its perfect in every way,you don't need to change a thing.

    Good luck
     
  9. Majush93

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    i think it´s great that you have to courage to tell them and if this is the way you want to do it it´s perfect :wink: :slight_smile: you did this post a while ago...can I ask how did it go? :slight_smile: (if you have told them already) :slight_smile:)
     
  10. Woodzie

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    Thanks for all the comments. Really appreciate it. I haven't told them yet. I just found out my mam has to go into hospital for a routine procedure for a few days so I'm going to have to wait until next week now until it's over. I don't want to put her under any stress before the procedure.
     
  11. Totesgaybrah

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    Great letter man, I agree with everyone else, dont change anything. Wishing you the best of luck!
     
  12. HuskyLover

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    Loved it. Good luck, man. I'm sure things will turn out great! :slight_smile:
     
  13. lovetoomuch

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    I loved the letter, it really was beautiful... and it reminds me so much of when I came out in January.

    I really like the idea of a letter (and you were smart to mention 'nothing is wrong' at the beginning because I forgot to mention that :icon_sad:slight_smile:. I think a letter gives your parents time to process everything. My parents are the type to react very quickly and then calm down later; I didn't want my parents or me to be in the moment and say something we would regret. So, I wrote them a letter; while they at first thought it was a suicide note or a running away letter, it did work out well.

    Best of luck, let us know how it goes!