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Coming out in Late 20s

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ATT, Dec 16, 2018.

  1. ATT

    ATT
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    I'm 27, and have just begun coming out to friends and family. I can't help but feel I've wasted a large portion of my life, and I'm concerned that people will judge me for waiting so long to come out when I tell them. I know I'm still technically "young", but I still can't help beating myself up over missed years.
     
  2. ttc91

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    I'm in exactly the same boat :slight_smile:. 27, never had a relationship, just started coming out to friends (not family yet). Personally, I'm framing it in a positive way by thinking about the fact that I'm finally living my truth and starting to express my true self. I think there is definitely room for 'grieving' the lost years, though. Rather than beating ourselves up, maybe it's more usually to speak to ourselves as we would a friend. Would you judge a friend who came out to you at 27? I'd be really happy and excited for them!! At the end of the day, our happiness is the most important thing and surely living an authentic life increases our happiness? What do you think? Here to chat when and if you need!
     
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  3. Totesgaybrah

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    I was in the same boat a few years ago. I know it can feel like we’ve wasted too much time but that’s really not the case.
    In my experience I don’t think anyone really judged me for waiting so long, everyone moves at their own pace.

    Do I wish I could have come out when I was 16? Absolutely! But it just wasn’t the right time for me.
     
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  4. SemiCharmedLife

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    I was 26/27 when I came out. Yes I do feel like too much of my life passed me by because it took that long, but nobody judged me for waiting. Truth is I was still accepting and wrestling with it myself.
     
    #4 SemiCharmedLife, Dec 16, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2018
  5. Mirko

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    I don't think you have wasted a part of your life by not having come out earlier. It is totally fine to have taken the time you needed to feel comfortable with being yourself. I came out when I was in my early 30s, and no one has ever judged me for it. Once I started coming out, things fell into place for some people, because now things started to make sense.

    The other thing to think about is that there are things you can control, then there things you can't. Worry about the things you can control such as living your life by being yourself, and doing the things you wanted to do perhaps earlier but could not do by being in the closet. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Dionysios

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    You are fretting over nothing. You are plenty young to begin your new life. I came out in my sixties. Now that's a lot of time!
     
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  7. I'mStillStanding

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    @ATT I did the same thing. I came out right before I turned 28. I was so concerned with how much time I had wasted, and the fact that I was starting later than so many other people. The truth is, I was terrified about going through what most everyone else did in their late teens in my late 20’s. So best yourself up too much, because you’re not the only one who’s felt this. Just remember that you have so much time to enjoy what’s to come, don’t waste to much of it thinking about the “what if’s” :slight_smile:
     
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  8. Rade

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    I came out at 42....now 43...
     
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  9. OGS

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    I think most people regret not coming out earlier. It's just kind of par for the course. I came out just after college over 25 years ago and still the fact that I didn't come out earlier is my biggest regret on life. It is what it is. You made it. You're here now--make it awesome!
     
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  10. Mlpguy88

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    I'd say you are at the right age to come out. I just told my siblings less than 2 months ago and it has been fine.

    You still have a lot of life ahead of you and it doesn't matter how long you've waited. What's important is the now and being happy.
     
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  11. Melkay88

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    I just came out a few months ago at 30 and I am experiencing that regret as well. I’m trying to remember that there is a reason that I waited to come out and I’m sure you had a reason as well. If I’d come out as a teenager I may not have had enough support to help keep me afloat. Give yourself space for these emotions, they are valid and it is normal to grieve those years of loneliness in the closet.

    Congratulations on taking this step! ❤️ I hope you have found support.
     
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  12. Aussie792

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    If you get too caught up in shame or fear of judgement about coming out later than you'd have liked, you're not going to fix anything you can change. I'm sure people will just be glad you've decided to come out - not least of all because it will make you happier

    You can't make it happen any earlier. But you have started to make it happen now - and it will be no less relieving than it would have been if you'd done it five or ten years ago, and within a few months a lot of opportunities will start popping up.