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Coming out first time for teen how to respond?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Tuesdayok, Dec 17, 2020.

  1. Tuesdayok

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    Being a single mom my daughter has recently spoken to me about her bisexuality. When she confided in me, all I thought was no matter what you feel or your sexuality, nothing changes as far as how much I love you, & regardless of that, as long as you are respectful, kind & responsible, to me it is not something for me to judge. I fully support her in every way, & was so proud of her courage to discuss with me such a profoundly personal issue. Having worked with gay people for many years, they are no different in terms of their needs & longing to be loved & accepted. I love my daughter, & will embrace every aspect of her withunconditional love, support & encouragement. For teens to know they can have a safe place to be heard & their voices heard is very important. There are so many different labels, pronouns, identities that are referred to these days. It is so much about being who you are no matter what. Being your authentic self puts less pressure on yourself. Being accepting & supportive of my daughter to me as a mom is what matters. She is beautiful & embracing learning more about her bisexuality & now that she has confided in me is not alone. Its a huge moment for a teen to acknowledge their feelings & be able to express themselves regarding the sexuality is a real relief. She said it feels like a load has been lifted off of her back. Be Out & Be Proud....:slight_smile:
     
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  2. DecentOne

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    Thanks for being a Mom who listens and is supportive!
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    If every mom could be as supportive as you are the world would be a much better place.
     
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  4. Tuesdayok

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    Thank you for your lovely words. Just said how it is:slight_smile:
     
  5. Tuesdayok

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    Dont know how to be any different. Acceptance is so important, & I love my daughter so for me it was just another part of her.
     
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  6. johndeere3020

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    I THINK YOU DID JUST FINE! I wish I could have heard those words from my parents.
     
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  7. DecentOne

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    It should make her safer too. If a relationship goes sour she can confide in you. The CDC says Bisexuals are more likely to experience abuse from their partner. Knowing you are safe to talk to may short circuit toxic relationships.
     
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  8. Tuesdayok

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    Well hear them from me please
     
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  9. Chip

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    Sounds like you did exactly what your daughter needed.

    All the data we have on social adjustment in kids tells us that unconditional positive regard (non-judgment), empathy and attunement with caregiving parent are the strongest protective factors against mental health issues, drug use, and other delinquent behaviors. So simple... and yet, so many parents completely miss this point.
     
  10. johndeere3020

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    :relaxed:
     
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  11. Tuesdayok

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    I think the most important thing is to let them know that you love them no matter what their sexuality is. As long as they do not hurt any one & are kind & respectful their sexuality is their business. They need acceptance & to know that they are just as worthy. There is far too much hatred & negativity in the world. I was brought up to show compassion & always treat people with respect. Follow what you feel is right for you, & people’s opinion is not something that matters when you are being true to what you feel & your authentic self. Sounds a bit fluffy. Not religious either. Just so important to just be yourself. My daughter knows she can ask me anything anytime. No matter what.Sometimes it can be hard to express how tou feel but having a listening ear is what matters & to let them know that they are not alone, nor judged & loved. Nothing has changed from where I sit. I know she feels relieved that she could share her feelings with me as for a long time she struggled with this & wasunsure of what she was feeling. The moment she spoke about it & verbalised it, she felt like it was I guess more real, & so proud that she did share with me this deeply personal issue. We have a very close relationship which I guess helps, but if you are not as close to your teenager perhaps even an open conversation about “ someones friend you heard about just told their parents they think they may be gay or bisexual “, might be a way to start a conversation & let them perhaps open up that way. Its a tricky situation but if you let them know that they have your full support them anything is possible & they will feel that they are in a safe place to talk to you about how they are feeling. Perhaps they feel they need to feel calm enough & not judged which is one of their biggest worries/and or anxieties about opening up re the sexuality or in fact starting a conversation about it with you. Sometimes taking the first step for them is the most difficult & confronting for them as they dont want to feel rejected, judged butmostly that they fear you may be disappointed? So there is no manual about this however reassuring your teen that they are still the same beautiful person & that they deserve to be happy regardless if their sexuality is to me one of the most important things. My daughter was a bit shocked by how calm I was. I guess because I have worked with alot of gay people & to me they were no different to me, just different sexual preferences. So with my daughter the same she is still the same cheeky teenager as always & I love her just as much as always. Even when I get the teenager lingo... how are you.... fine!!!!
     
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  12. quebec

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    Tuesdayok.....One of my sons recently came out to me only to discover that his dad was gay as I came out to him! Loving and supporting your kids is what parents are supposed to do. Thank you for being there for your daughter...I wish my mother had been more like you.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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