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Coming out deadline again.......

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by diesel30, Apr 7, 2013.

  1. diesel30

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Calgary
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I keep setting a deadline to come out but then when it comes I can't do it. I feel like I've accepted I'm gay but I get worried about how telling people will change things. I just wish there was a way I could live gay and explore it before I tell people in my life. But I feel like you need to be out in Oder to live gay so it's just a struggle and I just keep setting a new deadline for myself.
     
  2. greatwhale

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A real chicken before the egg situation...so to speak!

    Do you have a list along with your schedule? i.e. is there someone to whom it will be easy to tell? If so, start there, you'll congratulate yourself on starting and you will feel a little less lonely.

    It has been my experience, so far, that coming out to my friends has deepened my friendship with them and it has made it easier for when I needed to tell my family.

    It's not easy, I have posted elsewhere that it's like one of those necessary but difficult conversations, like conforting a friend who has just lost a loved one: you reluctantly make the phone call, you are vulnerable, but you discover that the person you are talking to also becomes vulnerable, they respond to what you are saying and they do this positively.

    After the call, you feel good about yourself, the shame of not calling goes away, and you feel as if you've done something important, courageous and good.

    The more you do this, the easier it gets...
     
  3. RainbowMan

    Full Member

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    I have to agree with Greatwhale here. The first person that I came out to (after my therapist, who was the first) was a gay friend. He's been great, even though we really haven't talked about it since then (he lives in Vancouver, and I'm in NYC - quite the distance separating us, but I told him in person)

    After that, my sister, which was still really hard. Then my parents, which I did via a letter which was hard to send. Then I told a friend in the most casual way possible at a bar, and that went really well and felt incredibly liberating to be able to talk about myself in public finally!

    After that, I've not really had occasion to come out, but when I do, I'm sure it's going to be fairly easy.
     
  4. davmnd

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Santiago de Compostela, Spain
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Starting with close friends really helps a lot. I first told my two closest classmates at college some months ago and then extended it to a bigger group of friends (including a gay friend who has been really helpful). I know feel much more confortable about myself, and I tend to be happier all the time. People noticed and told me :grin:

    I'm now thinking on coming out to family, which is going to be somewhat hard because my mother is an old-style christian, but I did told my sister and she had no problems whatsoever. People actually reacted better than I though they would, being the worse they told me "Why didn't you told me sooner?". So my advise is to start with one close friend or a small group of close friends and then go little by little. It makes it quite a lot easier for you later.