Coming out, bathroom, and binders

The bathroom issue in schools will NEVER be completely resolved unless a separate only one at a time unisex facility for transitioning individuals is made available in each and every school and then we need address the locker room debate.
The biggest problem with public cross gender expression in minor children is there will ALWAYS be adults, both advocates and detractors, who will see you not as a person with feelings but as a flesh and blood example of the need for political debate.

 

Hey, I'm in a really similar position to you (I'm not non binary but I also want to be out at school and not at home).

I live in the UK so I'm only really knowledge about UK law in this respect (but I doubt it can be very different in other similar countries?). In the UK at least, it's illegal for schools to out students to parents and teachers could lose their job if they do. The only exception to this rule is if they regard you as a danger to the life of yourself or someone else, in which case they may have to tell your parents. I suppose another issue is the risk of teachers accidentally outing you to your parents (this worries me), but if you're clear about it, then that's probably unlikely.

I'd recommend perhaps speaking to a teacher you trust about this, making it really clear that for the moment you don't want them to tell anyone else? They would be able to offer advice about how your school in particular would handle the situation, and they'd also be able to provide support. I did this with a teacher I have you I know is very supportive of trans people, and it was a good decision. She kept it to herself as well.

In terms of bathrooms, all I can think is use the disabled bathroom when available. And with binders, what I did is that my friend got me one (I paid her back) and I hide it from my parents. An alternative is to use a camisole top to make your own binder (there are tutorials online). But make sure it's safe!

Good luck, I'm happy to try and offer more advice

 

Pretty sure the laws about outing students are the same as in the UK there

 

Hi Skylar. I had a similar situation when I was in high school, where I did not feel safe coming out to my parents. My situation was a bit different as I chose not to be out at school.

As for your school-- does your school have a GSA or similar club for LGBT students? That could be a good place to start. I would also recommend talking to a teacher who you think would be accepting. They can help you figure out how to come out to other teachers, and how to start going by a different name/pronouns, if that's something you'd like to do.

I don't think there is a specific law in the US regarding whether teachers can out you to your parents. I believe there are laws or policies of some sort regarding discrimination based on your gender-- that is, whether teachers/other students can treat you unfairly because you are transgender. However, I don't know of anything which would prevent them from discussing it with your parents or even mentioning it on accident.

For bathrooms-- are there any unisex restrooms on campus? The nurse's office or teachers' lounge may have one that you can ask to use. There might also be a single-stall bathroom somewhere meant for disabled folks. Again this would be something to ask a teacher about if you don't know of one. If you're stuck with gendered restrooms--- in high school I used a strategy of going to the restroom during class. Since most other students were in class, it was usually empty so at least I had some privacy.

For binding-- a decent non-binder option is a sports bra. I used sports bras throughout high school while I couldn't get a binder. Since it's "girls" clothing, you could ask your parents to buy one without raising much suspicion. If they do ask why, it could be to exercise in, or because you want something more comfortable than a regular bra. It will not work as well as an actual binder-- especially if you're larger-chested. But it can help a bit.

In addition to binding you might also consider how you dress. For example, a common tip is to wear an open button-down or a jacket over your shirt to help disguise the chest. I also personally wore a lot of graphic t-shirts; the image can help disguise the chest area, and sometimes the material of the design helps smooth out any bumps.

 

I would advise doing some research on the laws or guidelines specific to your state, as they can be very different depending on where you live.