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Coming out as gay

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Gay Brett, Dec 17, 2021.

  1. Gay Brett

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    Hi. I’m gay and want to come out. Can’t hide my attention to men any longer. I’ve been dating them the past couple of years and love it.
     
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  2. out2019

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    Welcome! It sounds like you know you're gay and that's a huge step, Is there anything holding you back from coming out?
     
  3. Gay Brett

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    Thanks. Was married for a long time and lived most of my life straight. I also have kids. But I definitely now know I am very gay.
     
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  4. quebec

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    Notsureatall.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help so many years ago. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! You've found the right forum to post to as you will find some good advice here in the "Coming Out Advice" forum. Mostly what we need to help you is a little more information. If you are comfortable in sharing with us...it would help to know things like the ages of the kids, the relationship with your ex-wife (would coming out lead her to cause problems for the kids?). Do you have a job that would react poorly to your coming out? What about relatives...would they be supportive or would they cause problems between you, your wife & your kids? Information like that will help us a lot to give you advice. I know it feels like we're prying into your life, but those details are all affected when someone comes out, especially an adult with kids. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. :old_wink: We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  5. Contented

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    Many of us have been in the same position as you. It was such a relief when I was able to finally live as an openly gay man. For years I role played straight while all the while there was a very gay man right under the surface. Congrats on your liberation from the lies of heterosexuality.
     
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  6. Gay Brett

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    As for the kids I would rather talk about them in a more private setting, but the ex-wife knows and encourages me to get out there and find a guy. When it comes to work I don’t really see me bringing up my personal life there as I probably would not talk about women I was dating either. But I’m not afraid of them knowing that I’m gay. Like I said it is just too hard to hide my attention to the beautiful male form. But after building a straight life and pretending to be straight for so long it makes this awkward and it will mean the end of some of the friendships I have that I enjoy. Not to say the friendships would be totally over but they would be different. However I’ve been risking them finding out by dating guys the past two years already. The first guy I went out with was to see if this was all just a fantasy in my mind. After one kiss that idea was out the window, but I did have to kiss a few more cute guys after him just to make sure he wasn’t just a very good kisser. Since then I’ve known I have always been gay. Even when I was sleeping with women and never had gay sex. I’m single right now and I would like to be in a romantic relationship with an openly gay man. Being openly gay myself I think would make finding him easier. I’m also happy that I’m gay and this is why I want to come fully out as the gay man I am. I know I wrote Im gay a lot in this but I just like finally admitting it out loud. Sorry is this is annoying.
     
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  7. Gay Brett

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    Thank you. I am definitely not a heterosexual and can say I am equally turned off by a naked woman as I am turned on by a naked man, and naked men turn me on a lot.
     
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  8. Contented

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    Couldn’t agree more.A naked guy is infinitely hotter than a woman.
     
  9. Gay Brett

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    But when their cloths are on women can be very fun to hang out with. Since dating men I think I enjoy their typical social activities more than some of the stuff I do with my straight male friends for fun. A couple of women I know, know I like men and they are very easy to be myself around. Being myself means sharing many common interests with them that I used to pretend not to like. While I don’t want to see one naked ever again I do think they are awesome.
     
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  10. BiGemini87

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    Congratulations on coming out and embracing this side of yourself. It's an important first step and I'm glad you've been making the most of it. :slight_smile:

    Coming out always carries with it an element of risk. It takes more courage than a lot of people realize, admitting to people who have believed you to be straight for a long time that you aren't. Sadly, sometimes this creates friction, awkwardness, or outright hostility--but other times, people you think will reject you turn out to be the most accepting of all.

    The important thing is to come out when you're ready. Each coming out is an intensely personal experience, and can vary from each person you come out to. When it comes to family, like your kids, it sounds like you've already got a pretty solid plan in place. As for friends, well, I think that greatly depends on the nature of the friendship. Each friendship is a little different, so depending on how close you are to the person you're coming out to, how open you are with each other (how much you know about each other's personal lives, if they're good listeners and supportive during rough times, etc.) I'd say curate your approach to that person.

    If you're stumped for how to approach coming out, as quebec said--there are plenty of other threads in the Coming Out Advice sub-forum, as well as Coming Out Stories that might help you lay down the brickwork, as it were.

    I hope this helps. :slight_smile: Best of luck on your journey, and don't hesitate to reach out to any one of the staff if you need a little extra support.
     
  11. Gay Brett

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    Thank you, BiGemimi that was very sweet and makes a lot of sense. I do need help as to how to come fully out and when the right time is. Making the most of accepting that I’m gay had been fun
     
  12. Contented

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    Being gay doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate beauty when you see it nor does it mean you can’t enjoy their company. It’s perfectly normal even for a gay man. I have several women friends and colleagues that I like a great deal however the idea of being intimate with any of them grosses me out these days. I certainly have zero interest in seeing them naked. Was at a beach this past summer and the women were wearing next to nothing. It really grossed me out to the point I left. Now a guy is a very different story. lol
     
    #12 Contented, Dec 19, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2021
  13. Gay Brett

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    Did you ever have problems in the bedroom with women getting excited before you came out? Most sexual encounters I had with women never got very far. I used to be able to get turned on by girls in movies but then seeing them naked in real life would make me no longer interested in sex with only a couple of exceptions. This was always very embarrassing. Since being with men those old problems have gone completely away. As for being grossed out I think I always was a little when they got completely naked but don’t mind seeing them in a bathing suit it’s what it is hiding I don’t want to see.
     
  14. Contented

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    I was able to have sexual relations with women but always felt mechanical and lacking emotion prior to becoming out. I thought is that all there is? Where is this mind blowing sexual experience guys talk about with women. As I started to acknowledge my same sex attraction first the desire to be a woman faded, then the ability to become aroused disappeared and finally I started to be grossed out by the thought of a naked woman. The thought of being sexual with a woman now seems so foreign and wrong. No clue how I was able to fool even myself for so long. With men the physical and emotional connection is so incredibly intense and pleasurable, something I never experienced with a woman. I found that mind blowing sexual experience in the arms of another man.
     
    #14 Contented, Dec 20, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2021
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  15. Gay Brett

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    Thank you for sharing that. I feel so much the way you do. Love being in the arms of a man. But was never any good at staying aroused even in my late teenager years with women. I thought I just got too nervous about actually having sex, but the truth was I was just gay and wanted the same thing the girls I was with wanted. It makes me happy to hear you are finally having great sex and that it is with men. I’ve only been with a few guys but each one made me feel amazing and confident that was going to be able show them just how much I was attracted to them. I never had a problem with looking at a girl in the eyes when she spoke to me even if she had a revealing top on but if a guy has thin material pants on I have to catch myself from dropping my eyes. The outline some pants can show of a guy can be very pleasant to see. I think lots of straight guys are clueless when they are dressed this way that many girls and guys like me are checking them out.
     
  16. eron

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    I still enjoy the sight of a beautiful woman, and the thought of seeing her naked is neither repulsive nor exciting to me. The thought of sex with a woman just no longer appeals to me. It doesn't gross me out, but in retrospect I never really enjoyed oral with a woman as much as I do with a man. As I connected more with my gay sexuality, I found myself thinking about men while having sex with a woman to achieve an orgasm. Ultimately, it evolved to the point where achieving an orgasm with a woman was futile, but quite a different experience with a man.
     
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  17. Gay Brett

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    I too would picture a hot naked man when I had sex with the woman I was able to get aroused for in order to finish. They would complain it took me too long before I started doing this and I think they could tell I wasn’t enjoying it the way other men they were with had. I was not repulsed by those select few girl’s bodies but they were not doing anything for me that was for sure. Now though of seeing them naked would definitely completely turn me off. I also agree oral sex with a man is so much more fun. Getting to see what he’s been hiding is so much more exciting than seeing a girl take her top off for the first time. My ex wife used to say she never understood men’s fascination with boobs and I secretly completely agreed with her.
     
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  18. Contented

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    Couldn’t agree more oral sex with another man is much more fun and satisfying. Never cared to preform oral on a woman and now the idea is repulsive frankly. Even before coming to acknowledge my same sex attraction I had difficulty getting to orgasm with any woman. I could eventually but it took time. With a guy I have pace myself not to orgasm too quickly. Always thought anal was dirty and disgusting, that is right up to the time I experienced it with my then boyfriend. I found it to be both a humbling and at the same empowering sexual and emotional experience. I had never felt that sensual and erotic connection with a woman ever. I discovered what I had been missing and it was the arms and body of another man. I will say while I can acknowledge a beautiful woman, the idea of being naked and intimate with one I find repulsive these days.
     
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  19. Gay Brett

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    Being intimate the way you were with your boyfriend is beautiful. Nothing that gives you the feeling of such closeness to the person you love is disgusting. Some gay men enjoy having sex this way. I have no shame in saying I am one of them.
     
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  20. out2019

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    I used to have to think about guys.
    Me too. When I was in denial I could never figure this out.
    Yes! When I finally start to allow myself to think about this, I realized how dull it was when I tried to picture it with a woman...
     
    #20 out2019, Dec 30, 2021
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2022
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