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Coming out as an adult

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by pupilindenial, Jul 9, 2022.

  1. pupilindenial

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    Location:
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    Hey y'all,

    I grew up in an environment where I couldn't really entertain thoughts of my own true experience. There were times when I wondered if I could be trans, but i always pushed the thought out of my head right away. It's only now as an adult and after many years of therapy that I have been able to put the pieces together and gain some clarity about my gender and being trans. I start to gaslight myself, though, when I hear mostly stories of people who "always knew." I know there are folks out there like me who came to it later - would any of you be willing to share your experiences? How did you come to your identity, and how did you manage coming out when you were older?

    Thank you,
    Kit
     
  2. quebec

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    pupilindenial.....I'm not trans, but I have followed a number of trans youtubers that might be of help to you. Here are some that I thought were quite good:
    FtM
    Alex Bertie
    Jammidodger
    Noah Finnce
    Luke Wale
    Sam Collins
    Ty Turner
    Dakota Aspen

    Hope this helps! :old_smile:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  3. Hawk

    Admin Team Full Member

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    I was never exposed to transgender people until I was graduated from high school. However, as a child I had always wished that I could be a boy. When I was around 7-8 I've had thoughts of asking my parents if I could go to school in the town over, go by a different name, get a haircut, etc. and try and pass as a boy in a place where no one knew me. I always thought I was just a tomboy, and adults would tell me that as well that I was a tomboy. I thought it was normal that all girls wanted to be boys and they just accepted that they were female and I had to do the same thing.

    As far as accepting it, a lot if it was coming to terms with my gender identity and talking with my therapist; and I couldn't see myself living the rest of my life as female. Coming out, my parents and extended family were super supportive and a few extended family members have noticed how much more outgoing I've been since I've started transitioning and living as male. I haven't had a negative experience coming out yet.
     
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  4. Utachiyo

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    I always hesitate to comment here because I'm not an expert. I only realized that I'm trans about a year ago, at 42 years old. It seemed like all I'd heard about was people who always knew they were trans, so I have to be mistaken, right? Midlife crisis maybe? It took months of arguing with myself until I accepted it. I also didn't feel I could accept it until I found a "label" for my own trans type. Luckiky, I work in a very progressive environment and live far from family who wouldn't be accepting.
     
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  5. chicodeoro

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    Yes, of course Pupilindenial. This is my story:

    I've known since the age of 6. That was when the idea of wanting to be a girl first took hold. This was back in 1970s Britain when there wasn't even a language surrounding transgenderism. All I knew was that men who dressed as women were ridiculous, figures of fun and boys shouldn't want to be girls.

    So I kept quiet.

    But these thoughts wouldn't go away.

    There were occasional forays into cross dressing from my teenage years onwards, but always accompanied by feelings of deep shame and embarrassment. I knew I could never tell anyone about it. I thought, too, if only I could have a 'normal' hetero relationship with a woman then all these thoughts would go away. I thought love could save me.

    And it did! Every time I was in a relationship my latent trans-ness dissipated. I was being a male - successfully. Yes! I'm normal!

    And invariably the relationship would founder and these thoughts about wanting to be a girl would return.

    Then in my 40s I fell in love with a wonderful woman. She came with a son from a previous relationship. A ready made family. I loved her and him and adored being part of a proper family. The years 2013 to 2020 were the happiest of my life.

    Then in February 2020 she died, suddenly. Weeks later came lockdown. One by one the props that had held up my life were kicked away until there was no-one left. I was utterly alone except for the truth. One night in May I finally faced up to that deep dark truthful mirror and realised what I had been spending my life running away from was the fact I'm transgender. I was 50 years old.

    Since then...well I'm out now to nearly 60 people, though not my stepson. I'm still navigating legal complications, a breakdown and the societal trauma that we've all been through since March 2020. I'm not out of the woods, but I can look back at the frightened, distressed person I was two years ago and give myself an inner pat on the back that I've come this far.

    So that's my story. Coming out older, during a pandemic, is probably the toughest thing I will ever do, other than dying. The big difference with my generation (X) and millennial trans and younger, is, I think, the shame. We couldn't come out younger because everywhere you looked trans women were portrayed as freaks or grotesque aberrations. And who would want to be one of those?

    We all walk in the footsteps of those brave souls who have come out before us. In around 2013/14 there was a tipping point, I think, and transgenderism was finally seen as...acceptable. My worry now are the right wing forces that want to turn back history, but that is perhaps the subject of a different thread..

    Beth
     
    #5 chicodeoro, Jul 10, 2022
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2022
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