Coming Out apathy?

Well, the fact that he came out to you in the first place is great. he is still young so he is probably a bit confused about he sexuality. It seems like the FB post was a little bit about testing the waters? I think if he can tell his therapist that would be a big help. I'm not sure how to encourage him to do that but I do know that it caused me a lot of anxiety and depression. Don't push him to much, just support him and be happy he told you. you know the true person that he is. whatever makes him the happiest, whatever makes him laugh, support that. It is a bit more complicated for a gay youth to deal with accepting themselves and deal with there teen years. Maybe consider going to a therapist yourself and ask how to navigate this issue. I go to therapy myself but I don't like when people ask what I talked about. Just saying how did therapy go is enough. I think if you can encourage him to tell his therapist he is gay without being too overbearing about it is good. if he isn't that receptive to that I wouldn't bring it up anymore. just be there for him. today's society is getting more and more accepting of the LGBT community so it is getting easier for him to feel more accepted. I don't know if I helped but I can tell that you are a great parent for him already. Have a good day.

 

@molly1980 How does your son feel about his psychologist? The thing about any counseling/therapy is that he feels comfortable about who the sessions are with. I'm not even sure if comfortable is the right word. This is someone who you're supposed to be able to open up and share your deepest, darkest secrets with. I think that's why Empty Closets has as much traffic as it does...you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets in a community of similar minded people and (in most cases) you won't be judged for it. Also, being an online community it affords people the anonymity that is sometimes needed.

I guess what I'm getting at is that you might want to talk to your son about how he feels about his therapist. If he's not 100% comfortable with his therapist and can't open up, it's kind of a waste of time and money.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine's parents were divorcing. His mom made him see a counselor. He was going for a few months every week. He hated going and would never say anything to the counselor. After a few months, his dad questioned how things were going with therapy. No one could really give an answer. Finally, his dad pushed his mom into asking the counselor what was going on. The counselor finally admitted that he couldn't get my friend to talk at all. So basically, the counselor was getting paid for doing nothing.

 

(disclaimer, have not read all reply post and have not re-read all my post in previous post on this subject - few)

Sounds like son and dad need to go backpacking or "something" together to work things out. Forget worrying about labels. Labels are bull shit. First and foremost got to end the extreme isolation and brooding bull shit. And no lip service, son and dad do not come back until it's worked out. This may take time, but it's a human being we'll talking about.

 

Bingo I theorize "strong role model" is the heart of the situation. Your son needs a) someone to connect with and b) a life template. Basically someone to pull your son through life slumps.

Everything I've heard you say about your son screams (in my opinion) I want attention.

 

Im back with a fresh cup of morning coffee.

Reflecting some more. I watched in dismay pretty much my entire life, child to adult, my sister and our dad not bonding. Wow, how can this be, daughter and father bonds are always strong, it's psychology 101. But they never did. My dad for what ever reason was cold to all us kids, yes even me. Fatherhood coldness is talked about in Coming Out of Shame, cant remember reasons offered in the book. My sister (now deceased) CRAVED validation and acceptance from our dad, it never came.

I don't even have a theory and hey, I'm the guy who offers tons of theories.

Find a person your son can look up to and bond to fast. And aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend. Have them take a road trip or go island hopping in Greece and dont come back until "it's worked out."

 

Ah now the caffeine is kicking in.

When I say take a trip to Greece (or any other foreign country) I mean you don't sign up on a tour. No. I mean you put a travelers rucksack on your back buy a plane ticket and go and wing it. You put yourself into a "fight to survive" scenario. What happens during this process? You learn what life if about and how much you want to live.

 

In defense of my dad, his mom, my grandmother, was cold as ice. So it's my theory he never learned how to bond with others well. (and he disposed his father / didn't understand his father, mainly because his father was an artist type, a dreamer type, an entertainer type, so when one despises someone, one inadvertently close oneself off, then cant possibly obtain information.)

 

Now the caffeine is raging in my brain.

In my 20s, while staying at a youth hostel in I think Greece, I ran into two American youths. Brothers, one 15 the other 17. They were spending summer in Europe on their own. The dad was Italian the mom American. They were learning to fend for themselves and grow their bond as brothers basically through shared experiences.

They told me their parents had a fight about them going to Europe. The mom was worried about her babies being off on their own - basically killing her kids via overprotecting. The dad who was European argued that he didn't want his sons to rot in America during the summer - and get into trouble. Rot means not learn about life and others. They were doing just fine and LEARNING ALL KINDS OF LIFE THINGS.

 

Reflecting more on my posts. It should be noted that mid teens need independence and they need to be with their friends. I've talked to European teens and adults who grew up in Europe, they tell me that at 15 they are out and about in other countries touring and seeing the sights with their friends. Personally this is vital that this happen.

 

For brainwashed: I mean, that is not as widespread as you make it seem here.

For the mom: I am from Europe and gone through a similar story myself, I ended up homeschooled after school related trauma and an inability of the schools in the area to handle education for me (Long story short: Teachers perfectly equipped for kids under the avarage IQ and Learning standard, but not above). I didn't have a psychiatrist, I had an orthopedagogue to deal with the trauma. I made international friends online and still don't have many friends irl. I also don't have the most typical relation with my father, my parents are divorced and my father moved to 7km away, right now our relationship is more like being friends then him being a father and it kind of always has been that way ever since the divorce, not exactly what your son goes through, but still, I can see similarities. I've never hid the fact I am gay, but I don't really tell someone unless asked, not because apathy, but because I think it's truly not important to tell people.

Either way, what helped me continue in life in end didn't turn out to be my therapist (orthopedagogue), it turned out to be going on holiday and meeting some of the friends from online (I traveled by train to the UK from my home country, The Netherlands). It was an interesting holiday overall, we got ridiculed by locals for traveling by train from one side of the country to the other in one go, but it worked out in the end. (I was also pretty lucky, I didn't get catfished on either of the two friends I met) After that I had a few days to relax elsewhere in the UK after meeting both and doing some fun activities together, such as going shopping and bowling.

Long story short: I gone with my mom and dad to the UK, met friends from online and had time to relax in a different environment from my own. After that everything gone uphill, it was exactly what I needed. Maybe something like this could be an option to at least help with life a bit? (I wasn't suffering from anxiety, I did suffer from Depression and PTSD).

Yeah, this was quite a ramble. I kind of think I lost the point somewhere halfway through, so I don't have some big conclusion. I hope something I said in here helps or can be used as some good advice or at least something to keep in mind when dealing with a kid in a similar situation to mine back then.

 

@molly1980 No problem